All Comments on 'Mr. and Mrs. America'

Nicely written story, though a little long. But I just loved the concept that if a biblical translation required thou shalt commit adultery then "Of course, that version would have gotten very bad reviews from many people calling themselves Anonymous on certain parts of 21st century erotic literature websites." Wonder what certain part of what website you might be talking about?

J, I am impressed how you developed this story and gave your character''s realistic voices.

The reality of the history of Espionage/Security/COIN operations, has been one of self-defeating violence. The collapse of the Soviet Union being an example of the futility of clandestine administration that has always resulted in a cancerous internal growth of brutally enforced secrecy. Protecting the corrupt and incompetent from the consequences of their criminal activities.

While such events are never admitted to, my expectations for a character described as 'Mike' would be death by suicide. His disintegrating conscience reaching a point of self-disgust and self-hatred. No longer able to keep deluding himself as to what purpose he serves .

I'm not going to be pretentious and twitter on about anything - it is a good story well told, Keep on going xx

Lemme get this right: Jake finds out that his best bud Mike, his wife Jo and even his dad have been lying to him his entire adult life. But now he gets a letter from dear old Mike, which, as we know is in writing and therefore must be true — right? Just like the Internet. I believe, I believe!

Oh, I forgot — like the government, Mike and Jo KNEW what was good for Jake and had to guide his life and prevent him from making his own choices because they knew better what was right for him... What is the old saying, the most frightening words in the English language, "I'm from the government. I'm here to help." I believe, I believe!

Mike tells Jake that he always loved Jo, but Mike, the expert, known liar, and paid seducer, and Jo would NEVER betray Jake (even though we know Mike does it to everyone else...its what he does for a living!) I believe, I believe...

This story COULD be a very sophisticated parody, but I doubt it. LOL!

Lessons in life. What might have been. A life well lived. And not so well lived. Although I'm not sure that I could have gotten over the betrayal by his wife, Father and Best Friend. It was life altering. It was specific and cruel, playing on Jake's sense of right and wrong. That the three most important people in his life (you never made it clear or I missed it, what role his Mother played in this conspiracy) did what they did to him seems unforgivable. But, as pointed out, his life was and is a good one. Still not sure I could ignore the years of lies. Anyway, no more pontificating. An excellent story. Mostly well written (with a few errors). I did enjoy that you put JPB and his favorite girl, Pauline French, into the mix. Comic relief I suppose, but very funny. Keep the stories coming.

Postscriptor I admire your work too - but this story is not in 'Loving Wives' and I believe it is a beautifully written piece describing not only an equal and intense adult love between a man and a woman, but also a lifelong intense yet platonic love between two men. It's stirred my emotions tremendously.

Well plotted and written jezzaz - 5 of the most worthy stars

Eventually all lies catch up to you. I could understand trying to keep him out of "the life", but the cruelness of a fake miscarriage? That loss is hard to overcome and his wife seems to have no problem that now he has to re-live that pain feeling the devastation of loss all over again just to find out it was a lie. And now it's compounded by betrayal of a wife who loves him. That would be very hard to forgive. Especially since she has no remorse over her actions.

Nice story. We'll worth the read.

this is much more than a short story. the depth and breadth of the fictional vision is remarkable. The maturity level alone puts it first among the stories on this site.

The ends justify the means. At least Jake got to live a good life. The conspirators took a HUGE responsibilty when they meddled. Lucky for them it panned out.

The conspiring three have either an infallible confidence in their ability to see clearly or are digustingly arrogant.

Let's say their hearts were in the right place and leave it at that. Jake did.

The truth is overrated.

Malicious truths destroy a lot of lives.

But they were wrong to make that decision for him. They COULDN'T know what was right for him. He was too young, too unformed, and life's possibilities are infinitely complicated and unsure. And in any case, it's his life, not theirs. All that said, this is a great story. Including the complicated morality. An obvious five.

Interesting premise. I can't help to put myself in the situation , I do that with what I write as well as with what I read.

Most assuredly the trust would be bent between my wife and I. Not broken but very bent. I would have a better understanding of the person who had held back an important truth from me. The quiet would come out then and my tears of sorrow for my friends death would be mixed with sorrows of having a wife who was not sorry for hurting me. Who instead justified it. Amazing she went first to justification instead of owning her responsibility and apologizing. My own Father?

Well. ..He wouldn't be invited to Christmas dinner and we may need to go a few rounds with the gloves in the backyard.

As for Jo...it's not so much the lie. It's the mourning for the child that I thought I had lost for 23 years. Being me I would have pictured his or her face and missed having the chance to know them. To know she had willingly let me go through that agony. ..?

I may have chosen to have a separation for a long while. I would need to get over that and being near her would have hurt.

Kudos to the author. ..you got me going on a very good story. I would have been interested in seeing more of the fallout but you did very very well.

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

This story is long-winded and flat out sucks. Can you say boring?

As far as what Happened; Sure he should be angry. But he'll get over it. He has a near perfect life. That helps to assuage a lot of anger.

Trust? This isn't the same as lying about a stolen kiss, or hiding a bad spending habit. As she's amply proven in the intervening time, she loves him unequivocally. Except for this she's never given him any reason not to trust her. If it were me my trust might be a little shaken, but not much. In fact, it just shows how mercenary she can be to protect her family. I want a woman like that.

I sat back after reading this and took stock of my own life. Sometimes I feel that I have underachieved. But after reading this, I have a new appreciation of my family, especially my wife, and what we have achieved together. Thank you for making this a very good day for me.

If I were in Jake's shoes, though, I could have forgiven it all but the fake miscarriage. That was coldblooded. All that grief, sorrow and hurt, throughout which he tried to just suck up his own anguish to be strong for HER...all because she didn't trust him to make the right decision if she'd shared her concerns...and not a hint of remorse? He finds out 23 years later from Mike instead of her? That MIGHT be a dealbreaker. What's a marriage without trust?

Cog

It is his dream, not was, is and the three most trusted people in his life conspired to make sure it didn't happen. The biggest betrayal there is and he just accepts it. If he's the norm, then I'm not normal.

the government is corrupt. Our government agencies formed to protect the United States do bad things to people, even their own employees. Mike and Jo and Dad saved Jake from a life of duplicity and cruelty and barbaric actions toward innocent clueless people, all for the supposed, greater good. Hate government much? And the people who work for government?

What a crock of shit. You take the sporadic abuse of authority and opportunity, and recast it as the norm for all clandestine efforts to protect national security. You probably just chuckled or sneered at the term, national security. But you might wish we had even more, and more effective, national security, if you had lost loved ones at Pearl Harbor, or at the Twin Towers in New York. The only clever part of this story was how you took your prejudice against government security agencies and wrapped it in a story of a man being saved from himself, by people who knew what was best for him. But lets extrapolate from the actual to the obvious.

Actually, Mike, and Jo, and his father, deceived him, using at least one cruel lie, and they kept him deceived for most of their lives. Actually, those three people conspired to manipulate his life toward what they wanted, rather than what he wanted, and they did it with incredible skill, guiltless effectiveness, and for as long as they could. Except they didn't do it for as long as they could, did they? Why did Mike confess their lie upon his death? What was served by that?

Mike, as well as Jo and his father, had no guilt, no regrets, and no reason to ever tell Jake what they had done. Unless of course there was a reason, which they continue to withhold from Jake. But what could that reason be? Jake will eventually see that there is no obvious reason for his ever being told about their subterfuge. So he will begin to contemplate what is the real reason for Mike's revelation, a revelation that Jo and his father anticipated, but were not part of. And that will be the corrosive agent that eventually destroys his marriage.

So, based on the actual deception, the obvious ramifications will occur to Jake. He now knows that Jo, his wife, will lie and deceive to achieve what she thinks is best, what she wants. And she will lie and deceive with incredible effectiveness and without remorse. Jake will reluctantly but inevitably realize that he cannot trust Jo. And that will be the end. He will see the obvious, that Jo and Mike had a secret together that they hid from him. So what other secrets did they have? Mike took his pleasure from women in small spurts, short rendezvous. Was Jo one of those short pleasures? Does Jake need DNA tests to confirm his parentage? Did Mike reveal their conspiracy as a distracting dodge away from the deeper more sinister truth? The truth that Jo loved Mike, preferred Mike, but wanted the life she could only have with Jake. And Mike loved Jo, but also wanted his secret thrilling life of espionage. So Jo and Mike had a compact, to have one sporadic clandestine passionate life, while Jo could still have children and stability with a steady honest, if not too perceptive, honorable man. Jake will eventually see that his whole life with Jo may have been only that of a caretaker, a groundskeeper, a maintenance man. Even if not true, how will Jake ever know for sure? He now knows that he is incompetent to discern Jo's true personality and loyalties. And he will begin to wonder, and suspect, and doubt. Really really doubt. And how long can a marriage exist under constant scrutiny, uncertainty, and doubt?

So why would Mike admit to this subterfuge now? Because Mike left his entire estate to "the children", with Jo, the lawyer, as trustee. And how would Jake understand that action, without curiosity, and eventually suspicion? Oh, right, because Mike just loved Jake and Jo, and their children, which vicariously he considered as his own. Except that they may actually be Mike's children. So by this effort Mike steers Jake away from questioning Mike's motives and actions. Or so Jo hopes. As to Jake's father, he may have also been played by Jo and Mike, agreeing to the subterfuge without understanding the real motives. Doesn't it seem odd that Jake's father didn't dissuade his son from espionage work the whole time his son was growing up? Not until Mike, and Jo, convinced Jake's father that such work was not good for Mike. Convinced him that Jake as normal father and husband would give Jake's father grandchildren, companionship for him and his wife, and comfort in his old age. Yeah, I can see Jake's dad agreeing to the conspiracy, all for what is best for Jake, of course.

So it is obvious all this will occur to Jake. And the possibility that even if part of this is true, will eat at his confidence, his trust in Jo, and the validity of his marriage. Their marriage will never be the same, and will never be as close. And may not even last that much longer. Ends up being a very sad and tragic story.

His father, wife to be and supposed best friend used a massive Machiavellian entrapment to free him of Machiavellian entrapments?

I shudder at the thought of what they would do to someone they didn't "love"...

Congrats. This is a powerful, clever, well-written story. Four stars out of five. It is probably a 4.5, but I can't give half stars and it's not a five.

I really liked the structure of this story and, as always, I like the author's writing style. I am always fascinated by stories about wives who betray their husbands and when it is with something other than sex it is doubly interesting.

And, wow, does she betray him.

I have only read two non-erotic stories on this web site and both are by Jezzaz. He's that good. Even his Ingraham stories which are not my favourites are well worth the read. (I hate Long After The Game, but that is just me.)

But here is my constructive criticism. For me as a reader, he forgave his wife and father far too fast. To conspire to crush a man's dreams - even a young man - is one of the worst betrayals of all. And to do it by faking a pregnancy and a miscarriage is almost unforgiveable.

My first thought as I was reading through the story was that the children weren't his and we would find out they were Mike's. I think that would be anyone's fears if they were in that situation. The story's stunning revelation would make me question everything in my marriage. I think the protagonist should at least have DNA checks done on his children.

There was very little dialogue between the husband and wife considering the size of the reveal. I accept the way she seemed so unapologetic as being potentially realistic, but it would have made me even more mad. I would have liked to have seen more back and forth.

This story would have benefited, I believe, from a scene in which we see how much the wife is suffering. I know all my requests would have made the story longer, but maybe only one more page.

Please don't be insulted by these comments. I wouldn't waste my time really thinking about the story if I didn't think it was really good. Keep up the good work. Cheers Steve

Okay, I have to say just one more thing about Mr. and Mrs. America. I have been thinking a lot about this story over the last 48 hours which is a compliment to the author.

But it is hard to accept that a friend just one year older than another friend could have his spirit crushed so quickly as a spy that he would conspire to block his friend's dream of a lifetime and form a conspiracy to do this. The short time allotted for this is a problem for me. Heck, in the first year of a junior spy's life he probably just fetches coffee for the senior spies.

The story was so well written that I just took a big bite of the disbelief sandwich and went with it and enjoyed it. After all, it is a crucial plot development and a turning point in the story.

But after thinking about it for a few days, I wondered if there is another solution that preserves the plot point.

What if Mike was his older brother, say five years older? It could be one of those situations where the younger brother adores and looks up to the older brother and wants to be just like him. That would give Mike more time to have his soul crushed and plot to protect his younger brother.

Another alternative is that it was all set up by Jake's father who was a spy and lived the horrible life and knew it wasn't for his son. That would keep Mike and Jake closer together in age. Mike could still be a spy and die and confess everything in his death letter. But he would say it is all the idea of Jake's father. For the story purposes Jake's father could be either dead or alive at the time the letter is read. If he is dead that would give the author more time, space and energy to concentrate on the impact of the reveal on Jake and his wife.

Cheers Steve

Read the whole story once and read the ending more than once. Love the story as it was well written and thank you for it not being a cheating slut wife story.

Hated it not because the wife assisted in stealing his dreams, but because of the down right cruel way she did it. Jake should have done more than one week away sulking. She expected and advised him to do it. More manipulation on her part. Let Jake SHOW her how the pain of loss for a child for the past 23 years, that NEVER was, really feels.

The story did little to show IF she truly was remorseful. She needs to understand deep down, NOT for stealing his dream but HOW she did it.

I know the story is closed, but you left us wanting more. Job well done.

If "loving wifey" and dad and "best friend" can successfully conspire, and without regret lie and sabotage someone else's life, what else can they do. They did to him what the spy supposedly did to others -- lied, cheated, and stole. All in the name of "good intentions." Worse, they feel justified in doing it, but condemn his dream of becoming a spy as "lying, cheating and stealing." Who's the hypocrite here ?

And lying about a pregnancy and a miscarriage ? That's a recipe for a marriage on life-support, and dying soon. They'll be toast in months.

But kudos on writing an engaging story. That I found Jo and Dad ugly, depraved, deceitful, and worthless hypocrites only indicates how well the story conveyed their evil dishonesty.

Jo's response was EXTREMELY disappointing because 1) There was zero remorse, and 2) It was all about HER, and her selfishness. Not about him, or even "them". She should have been begging on her knees after that huge stunt, not laissez faire

Second reading was more brilliant than the first.

(Imagine a picture of someone reading a book and just shaking his head asking, "Just how did the writer do that?")

5- I really liked this one. Seeing your world thru another's eyes- what a gift.

Came back for a second read. It still feels ... flat. Great build up and setting of the characters. Still, the last 40% felt emotionally flat and contrived from a character perspective.

Betrayed by them all. Could never forgive them.

Simply one of the best I have read

this is one of the best stories that i have read. shows how two people with the same idea of a life for themselves find that it isn't what they thought it could be. i can see how the one that was a spy wanted to make sure his friend never got to see that side of that life. and how he tried to see life through his friend that actually had a really good life but never realized it until his friend was dead. hard to live life lying all the time and enjoy it. keep writing

"you made the decision to let it go." - No, he DIDN'T! His appointments were sabotaged, taking the decision out of his hands!

"you lost a stupid childhood dream" - It may have been a "stupid childhood dream", but it was HIS dream, and she had no right to take it away just so that she could have HER dream!

Yes, he loves (loved?) Jo, and of COURSE he wouldn't give up the twins NOW, but if he had been allowed to follow HIS dream he never would have known what he missed.

And his father, mocking his spy abilities. Well, shit, he ONLY trusted the three people he loved most in the world! I guess that makes him useless as a spy.

"Jo loves you Jake" - No, she doesn't! You don't trick someone you love into a relationship, you win them over, if you can't then it just wasn't meant to be. Mike could have opened up to him enough about what he was going through without giving away any state secrets. If he was allowed to put it in his "farewell" letter, then he could have told Jake, instead of tricking him and betraying him, even if he believed his intentions were good.

Mike says that he depends on Jake to be his "moral compass". Well, would Jake have ever done what he did? I don't think so!

Again, it's not fair to pit his love for his family against his feelings of betrayal. As I said earlier, he would never have known them.

How nice for Mike that he got to be a parent by proxy with Jake's kids, and still got to live the life that he at least THOUGHT he wanted.

"Free of Machiavellian entrapments." - Yeah, except from the ones you used on JAKE, your supposed best friend!

"I wouldn't give up what I had for anything." - I hate to keep repeating myself, but if he hadn't been betrayed there wouldn't have been anything to give up!

I'm sorry, call be a mean bastard, but I wouldn't have forgiven her,gave this only a 3 instead of 4 because of that!

Jo, while "sorry" that they lied to him has ZERO remorse! Despite his turmoil, she would do it AGAIN, including mourning his lost "child" for half his life!

And what's next? Jo decides that Jake "needs" her to have an affair, so for his own good she cheats on him?

he should know that it's São Paulo, not San Paulo, and that one bares ones soul, not bears ones soul.

Other than that, very good but not great. There could have been more about his coming to a reconciliation. He needed, I think, more time and discussions to come to his resolution. Rational acceptance often comes before emotional acceptance.

But he learned something about his wife.

That she is a good liar, and could live that lie for decades.

That's a worrying trait.

However, one 'pores over a problem' and 'pours over a pancake!'

5*

That said, I have to remind you that we are talking about a true victim here. Personally I would never be able to trust the wife again, and would probably make getting old together miserable for her. Getting a divorce would be unexplainable to the kids and

I would not like to make a negative impact so I would consider myself condemned to life.

So I am confused. A guy who has admitted he was manipulating his supposed best friend for over two decades is suddenly to be trusted? Me thinks he should have the kids tested for paternity wife protests to much. Believe me I have known people in this life. They have a certain moral flixibility but have successful lives, wives and chkldren. This guy is so alienated he would have been a liability. Personally I could forgive but not forget and would never be able to trust again. EVER.

Very entertaining and original. Thanks for sharing

Mike is dead. Fuck him. Did what he did for me without my input. Presumptuous, "thanks Mike for showing me what's important." Really? So, I get to put on a uniform (suit) usurp your freewill, play the friendship card, manipulate me and my plans AND seduce my girlfriend with some bullshit story about what best for me???

Wow! I'd prefer sticking a knife in Mike myself...... Nice work. I am completely incensed by your premise. Congrats as an author.

but still a good story.

I am anonymous, yes. Anyone that reads this is privileged to read a great story. Any anonymous ever tried to write one that has meaning, inspiration, feeling or any one of 100 or so emotions that can be touched by a great read? Even if you didn't like the story, it probably touched you in some way. It did resonate with me. Thank you jezzaz.

What a great tale, so glad I found this. I just read Loving Wives, but the tale from another author referenced this , so i read it. I am familiar with your work from that section, and you are a controversial author with your prologues and epilogues and all the explanation and instructions on how to understand and interpret yoru writing. All the times you chime in on comments. it doesnt help you, but even with all that buitl up, built in resistance to liking what you write, I love this.Reallly well done. Thx.

Ok, I only read this story because qhlm1's new continuation of it in the LW section.

And I am certainly glad that I did !

I have read about all jezzaz LW stories ( except the long one, I'm going to devote a whole night and read that all at once), and I have generally been very entertained , Per the Gladiator. But I only rarely come over to this section , in fact these two are the only ones I visit in Lit.

Yes , this was a well thought out story. I think I may post " A few thoughts" , as one of the most prolific commentator on this site says.

First , I agree somewhat with the comments of Postscriptor , in the fact that it was written with a anti-U.S. POV from the protagonists view of things. Eric Holder and Valery Jarrett would be so proud to read this. But then I think that maybe the author is actually channeling the Professor character as he sees most of todays colligate academics , who are just slightly to the left of Lenin in their world view. I will just assume this to be true. As a Redneck Republican who actually believes in Heaven , I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that one.

I honestly believe that in 100 years from now, there will be a section of the population who will know who Pauline French is ! JPB's character will surely outlive all of us. Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle.

I wholeheartedly agree with Mike's assessment of Motel towels ! How they manage to make those things from recycled wood pulp and pink insulation is a mystery to me.

when I used to have to travel for my job, if their was a Comfort Inn close by, I always stayed there, because they simply had the best bath towels. When I would mention this to an employee I was always told that many people also told them that was their reason for choosing them over other comparable chains.

The whole lying to you for your own good thing actually happens to us on a frequent occurrence , and I can understand people who have your best interests at heart doing it out of love. But this, well this goes into the stratosphere of that concept. And although its too late to change things now, I'd be Damned if the two surviving conspirators would be let off the hook as easily as J seemed to in this story. My blood would boil for quite sometime if it were me !

So that is the crux of the conundrum , isn't it. In this tale things worked out for the best, but it was done in a truly Machiavellian way. This is way above "eat your veggies so you can grow up to be Superman" kind of lying for the better good.

Does it rise to the limits of divorcing his wife and the estrangement of his father , no, it doesn't. But it sure does put a big stain on the relationship with both.

So jazzaz, you have crafted a thought provoking yarn here. You made me think , no you made me ponder. And that, in the end, is what a good author should set out to do.

5*'s

Wait, you're watching a casket going into a hole, then you're in a room, then you're leaving a crematorium? You lost me, sorry.

Is the government as nefarious as represented? Probably, but we will never know.

Did Mike, Jo and his Dad lie to him? Yup. They say it was for his own good, but I fear it was for theirs.

Is his job and his life better than it would have been? Maybe, maybe not. We can only know it was better for Jo.

Does this actually happen? Indeed. Two months before I was to enrol at an Ivy League University for graduate studies my "Jo" tearfully announced that she was pregnant in spite of precautions. I cancelled my plans, we eloped, and five months later she miscarried. I learned about an intervention meeting conducted by both sets of parents and my wife 20+ years later when talking to our family Dr. at his retirement reception and he had enough liquid courage to share his role in the deception. The purpose was to prevent me from being corrupted and lose my way theologically. We are no longer married and I am not a member of their church. Funny how that works out when the curtain is pulled back and the sunlight shines in.

When the conveyer belt is activated and the casket begins to move forward into the furnace, if there is no door covering the opening is it not a hole? What do you call it?

Big shout out for turning me on to this.

Thank you.

What a well-constructed and gripping tale. I'm so grateful to Qhml1 for sending me in the direction of the story and its most-talented author.

I enjoyed reading it. Actually sucks you in. But in the end he has to think that his life is but a forgone conclusion. Everyone who he trusted had betrayed him and thought they where better than him for their own selfish wants. In the back of his brain it has to be burning with the thought of what a fool they think of him. It could be torturous not to ever trust them again. Someone as intelligent as him, it could, will burn in him. Excellent story. Thanks

Technically well written, good syntax, coherent sentences, few typos (already mentioned by others); and the story-line flowed well. So 5 Stars for a great work.

That being said, I disliked what came across to me as the leftist agenda that government is bad, clasified/covert operations are inherently immoral and wrong and if we all just adopted the agenda that the faculty at a place like the Univ. of california at Berkley has, we'd all be better off. But just because I didn't like what I read as your agenda doesn't mean that I should down-rate you for that. The writer's job is to communicate and you did an excellent job.

I was referred to this story by gmhl1 and the preface to his story, Mr. and Mrs. America, Aftermath. I have not yet read his story, but I hope the aftermath goes something along these lines.

The wife, father and the spy were truly loathsome characters! I agree with the commenters who think that DNA testing for the children, trying to determine if he was still being played by the three conspirators in some way, and probable divorce from wife, estrangement from the protagonist's father, and then of course,setting up to do all the things that paranoid conspiracy theorists do. [E.g., not falling asleep except in a securely locked room - alone, so wife/father/Maddy/other Government agents can't take him out while he's sleeping; remote car starter to prevent an ignition key car bomb; never eating wife's cooking without a food taster; etc., etc.] In his case, if he meekly goes along with the life others have selected for him,his life goes on. But if he divorces wife, kicks father out of his life, and if the DNA tests show the children aren't his, and alienates himself from them, then, in the universe you have created, he can expect retaliation. And just because he's paranoid, doesn't mean they are NOT out to get him! (Certainly not in the universe created here.)

OMG how did I miss this one !! 55555555"s stlcris

I missed this one and only found it by stumbling on the sequel from another writer.

Well done!

This is your anonymous 7am reader. Another excellent job. It was an engaging story. I was almost late to an important meeting while finishing the story.

I also was directed here by the sequel by another author in the LW category. However, if this story is turned into a cheating story as suggested by the category, I don't think I can read it. I think the story ended in just the right place.

Five stars. Loved the continuation. An interesting premise.

First, it got five stars.

BUT!

It did leave me flat, and here's why...

I was anticipating some kind of really horrid revelation at or near the end like Mike and Jo were the 'true love' and Jake was the caretaker, something another comment writer asserted.

Then it hit me. Mike was the 'professional liar'. Nothing he said could be taken at face value, everything is called into question from the vasectomy to Jo's relationships with Mike and Jake, to the false miscarriage, to the paternity of the children. Mike's life just might be the real sham; he was the 'substitute', nothing he had was real, not his wife, his kids, nothing.

The sham in one sense is born out. Mike need never have confessed the sabotage of Jake's ambition. Was this a death bed confession that came just short of the truth?

And alas, somewhere along the line some of your readers felt this story in some way justifies their belief in the corrupt nature of our government. Why did they need this story? Don't they remember the Joe Wilson-Valerie Plaime(spelling?) incident during that awful president's term?

Ah yes, redemption. Why is this story a five? Look at the comments. Look at the thought that went into them. Your story made things happen with your readers!

Thanks,

Jedd Clampett

p.s.

Now I guess I'll have to read all your other shit.

Excellent story. I have no complaints or deep observations, just a wee silly piddling one: why do upset males go away for a week? They must be made of stern stuff- heck, after one night away, I'd be heading for the door and home. And Jo let him go. These are committed people! In some stories the guy takes off for a few months, or in extreme cases a decade (and of course they learn that they had fathered a child and the wife had to raise them as a single parent!). See? Nothing deep.

Was the jumping back and forth between the letter, the past, and the present.

The wife is a bit remorseless and high handed, but he choose her, so that is on him. That has nothing to do with the quality of the writing or the story.

I think it was a mature story with an important message. Or perhaps more of a question: when is it 'destroying someone's life' and when is it standard parental meddling.

In this case...I am very much torn. I am reminded of Rhenquist's 'Lazy Lemon Sun'. The mother's argument always resonated with me 'What are you bitching about? You got to marry the girl of your dreams and were fantastically happy."

And she was right! (Her other actions were moral sinkholes, however)

Here...that baby lie, pretty damned major! As discussed in the sequel by qhml1, it wasn't a harmless lie. He got to grieve for years about her death (though...my family lived through a miscarriage. It is a bit...exaggerated to get that worked up...though in our case it was the last, not the first)

How do they mend fences from here? Honestly, I'd like to read that story more than what qhml1 wrote.

I don't give a crap about Jake's dream of becoming a spy. People have dream jobs they never get all the time. I dreamed of playing center for the Lakers. Well. Being 5' 8" puts a kibosh on that pretty quickly. Then I dreamed of playing shortstop for the Yankees. If I could only play baseball...

But lying about a miscarriage? No. Just no.

First, you need to lie about being pregnant. Tell a man he's going to be a father. With all the emotions that entails. He's excited. Looking forward to it. Picking out names. And then five months in...a miscarriage. Then there's the grief. The supporting of his wife. The sense of loss. I've been through this with my wife twice. You never get over it. You always remember. And then he finds out it was all a lie??? Are you fucking kidding me?!!!

Mike wants to protect him, fine. I get that. But for his WIFE to lie to him at that level about such a topic? Where real people grieve and go through therapy to get through this? There is absolutely no way in real life that Jake doesn't file for divorce. No way.

And the fact that he did t just killed the story. Great writing, but that's a betrayal too far. Not by Mike. By his wife Jo.

Klingon, what Klingon saying..... Think Vulcan/Spock.... you need to view Stark Trek movie 2 : The Wrath of Kan (the last 10minutes)......

Faking a miscarriage was pretty heinous, he wasn't just robbed of one dream, but two that of being a spy, and that of his unborn child, one who never existed.

I think making him grieve for a child that never existed was far worse than robbing him of what might or might not been his dream career.

It was pretty decent, but not much happened at all, just a lot of rambling on which wasn't really to my taste, it could use a bit more proofreading also, I noticed several obvious typos.

I think the problem was that it just came too close to the whole 'too much telling, not enough showing' problem.

Second story I read from you. I didn't like it. Sorry. Too many words. Too much background. you lost in the second page. I kept reading but it just bored me more and more.

About the story line: What Mike and Jo did was horrible and unforgivable. 23 years ago or not. Best friend and wife bretayed him. Nothing can change that.

I hate when writers portray the worst possible situation and then try to find a way out. It didn't work for me.

After reading the first page I was bored and hoping to get to the letter quick! When the letter started I started skipping the background comments and just reading the letter....waiting for something to happen....which never did. This could have been shortened to two pages or less and we would have gotten a much better read.

I just read the sequels by another author. I liked the original story better.

Mike could/should have TOLD Jake how wrong they were about the "life" and not to pursue it.

Jo could/should have shown more remorse.

I would have give my father one more call, told him this was the last time that they would speak, and that he was dead to him.

I would have told Jo that while I appreciate the life we had, and love the children we raised, her lies and betrayal are too much, and I can no longer live with her, and want nothing more to do with her, hen pack my bags and leave.

"Watching Jo become a lawyer, and a good one." - So Jo got HER life. How would she feel if Jake and her best friend and parents kept that from her?

"But, it was 23 years ago. Half a lifetime" - That just makes it WORSE! They've been lying to him for half of his life.

he was the patsy.

everyone else got what they wanted

not him.

instead of getting what he wanted

he got what they wanted

Mike ran away into his fantasy

Dad still lived his secret life

Jo got her career, family (on her schedule), the house in the suburbs, with the safe, tame, and subservient scholar as husband.

sad, once the curtain is pulled back the wizard isn't so magnificent.

A story full of melancholy. I can really understand the critiques; being conned this way is pretty ugly. But the description of Jake Tramell going through the emotional rollercoaster after the discovery of the treachery bestowed upon him, the week for cooling down and then the discovery of the realities of his and Mike’s lives after the veils have been pulled away are very realistically told, although the week would rather have to be a month or even a quarter for me.

The story line starts of pretty boring and after the first two to three pages you still are wondering if this is going anywhere, but the way Jake is able to see his blessings against the contrast of the hollowness of Mike’s life in the second part of the story makes it well worth reading after all.

Very well done, and the 5 *s are more than deserved.

After 23 years of living with a liar and finding the betrayal from all, how could he ever believe any of the children are his. If she could hide the first lie so well, how could anything else in his life be true. Divorce her and call "dear old dad" and say enjoy "your" grandkids because they may not be mine AND you no longer have me for a son .

Well written. Good characters with a believable story line (parts hard to swallow at times).

This story is much superior to the follow on story by another author who totally butchered the main character.

very moving and beautifully written.

Two little things though.

You have, I believe, found an original homophone - pore and pour. I have collected homophones for a decade and never seen this one before.

Secondly, "My best friend in the world was finally bearing his soul to me, "

That's not just a homophone. that's a pun and a really funny one. Strange what images it conjures up.

In the words of xander harris... "that was excellent"...

-jaye-

Sorry, the saying was Vulcan (Mr. Spock) not Klingon....

J if you're going to use Star Trek check your facts....

Very gland that QHML1 finished this story and did a damn good job writing it too.

Now it's got three more segments to this story.

Missed this because of the category. It's not one I watch. But an awesome story.

5*

And yes I agree on the homophone I've never seen anyone make that mistake before either.

Had to read qhml1's follow up to this to get rid of the bad taste this left in my mouth.

and how to stop the rain and the pain. TK U MLJ LV NV

Preordaained forgiveness for a man manipulated by his betters. A stupid person like him doesn't deserve to make his own choices.

They stole his life. Father, wife, and so called best friend. I don't believe anything those three did or said for his whole life. Who knows what else they did to him and laughed behind his back. Are the children his? Apparently he let them do it to him without any penalty. What a wimp.

Story was well written, plot and main character absoluty sucked.

Macho boys down below with their comments don't agree. Story had some humor and it was not dark. I can tell you what is worse than being a Republican though, a progressive liberal. Nothing is perfect except themselves. Good story about choices, some you choose yourself and some that are chosen for you by others.

One, Mike was the one who came up with the idea to prevent Jake following his path...? Jake's father, with decades more life under his belt, couldn't have come up with a better idea...?

And part of problem one as well as the fullness of problem two... She considered the crushing damage he experienced thinking she'd both had a miscarriage as well as his belief she felt guilt over it which just added to his... She felt that was ok.

I mean obviously she DID think it was worth it... But though she thought it was worth it I'd have hoped she'd STILL beg for his forgiveness of putting him through it.

But definitely a different story...

Sorry, but NO way would I forgive the wife for her fake pregnancy and miscarriage. No way. I'm very happy with Qhml1's sequels, they handle Mr. America's response as it should have been. Nothing in that marriage, in his life, his relationship with his parents - none of it is real, nothing is organic. It's all twisted, convoluted, manufactured, folded, spindled, and mutilated. FUBAR. Say Adios to Father dearest and lying wife and head out for greener pastures - which is anywhere far away from those "loved ones" who thought him incapable of living his own life.

6* writing.... The story well, if it was me - I could not get over being trapped/manipulated even if it was 23yrs ago. She had that little trust in him that she had to fake a pregnancy for marriage then a miscarriage to cover her tracks. It was all about what SHE wanted with no regard as to what he wants then playing on his decency. The big issue to me is her lawyer-eeze callous justification showing no remorse for the deception inflicted - that spoke volumes about that relationship. She had no respect for him as a man he was just her sperm doner. The marriage trust is NOW shattered, now that he knows he's been played for 23yrs.

It is time for him to take a long long walk away, not one week in a motel. Which she probably doesn't care if he does as she had the kids - he's of no need anymore.

Boring😵

Along with others who find Jo's fake pregnancy and miscarriage, and living a lie for her entire life with him with no remorse, a little too much to accept. Jake has blindly lived his entire adult life in a Potemkin Village, and it's time to move out. Love your kids all you want, but kick the lying cunt to the curb and move on!

This is shitty because I think in your mind you made it ok.

I'd of had Jake leave her and the ruse she, his dad, and his dead friend started long ago.

not that much going on in this one, i have a pet hate for overly wordy stories especially with spelling errors. it's pore not "pours". you have pores in your skin and you pour liquid.

would have been awhile before I got over that. If ever. If we did reconcile I'd say if there's anything else confess it now because one more lie after today and I will burn you down. And dad would be functionally dead to me. A distance would be in place that would never diminish. Fuck them all it was for my own good. I wasn't a child and I resent deeply being motivated. And my friend was a dumb ass for finally confessing.

if and when subterfuge is used against you, it cant be forgiven but still think that there will be enough soul left while lying to wife, children and everyone daily as well as destroying others life with things more heinous than miscarriage for less reason.

Screw them all. Was my life all a lie? Could I trust anyone in my family ever again? I don't think that I ever would or could.

Isn't that they "stole his dream" or any of that crap. It's the way they did it. If this happened to me, I'd be remembering the year I spent comforting my wife after her miscarriage. That is truly sociopathic and unjustifiable. And never mentioned in the fallout of this revelation.

All the meanderings of this story, and you missed the most important part. I'd have an easier time getting the image of my wife fucking another man in our bed out of my mind, than the image of all the times I held her and comforted her about losing a baby that never even existed. The guy was grieving and thought he had to be strong for his wife, and she was just role playing grief after deceiving him. It's like that munchausen or whatever, where a parent (usually mother) makes their own kid sick with poison so they can nurse them.

The quick turn around ending was awful, he never even had a conversation with his wife really, other than to be told he should get over it. She had 20 years to live with it, and calcify her justifications. He had 20 seconds, and she doesn't even apologise. Just berates him, really. Like he's being petulant, giving him no time at all to adjust, not to mention he's already grieving his lifelong friend.

An alternate version of this, where what they did to him wasn't so egregious, and I would have liked the story very much. A great little parable about appreciating what you have VS fantasy. For example, if they had planted something that made him seem like a security risk without him ever knowing. That would be forgivable in context. Making him miss the interviews, shitty but fine. But what they all did to him, faking a pregnancy and miscarriage, and keeping it secret for two decades, would be impossible to get past so quickly. If ever.

This was a huge miss emotionally, and a little childish in it's simplicity. The wife wasn't a take no shit strong woman, she was a sociopath. Contrasting the two men's lives should have been interesting, but was hugely wasted in a story with this premise.

closet cucks have limited attention spans, shorten the dang story!

there wasnt even any cuckolding in this story. i didnt read all the comments but is it just me or is that prego/miscarry lie borderline evil?

I especially admire the author painting Mike's philosophy regarding why his underhanded conduct is necessary (though at odds with the "white hat" rescues he dreamed of as a youth) by mirroring the professor's protected life. Why does anyone in the service or public safety make the dangerous sacrifices? To win the battle or honor the flag, or to save friends and family? Years of conversation with military heroes illuminate that defending personal relationships motivates most of their actions. It's an imperfect world, as Mike's character would understand, and using his best friend to personify apple-pie America is wrenchingly realistic.

Superb writing and plot.

Only missing an ending.

Qhml1 took care of that.

And therein lies my problem

with this story.

It required another writer's

focus on this story, to

make me interested in reading it.

It's name is just so uninteresting!

Shows you the importance

of a story's name, lol.

Great story jezzaz.

One of your best!

Top ratings from me.

Sorry while the road to hell is paved with good intentions, the wife, sperm donor and so called friend are Pieces of shit. Good story jezzaz top notch but I def like the story that turned this ending on its ear. The wife though, conniving bitch doesn't cover it

pissed me off so by that measure it's a good story. I wonder how long she would hang around after she was constantly referred to by her new nickname LC pronounced Elsie standing for lying cunt.

It really is a kind of cuckolding. She was scheming with another man to manipulate and shaft him behind his back. That's everything but intercourse. I'd make sure the kids eventually got the whole story but parents and ex wife would be dead to me. Of course dna testing better say they are my kids.

I'd divorce the bitch. Thank goodness Qhml1 wrote a much better ending to this story.

The last 12 paragraphs suck. The three primary people in his life have been laughing at him in private for 23 years and he's supposed be okay with it?? And your ending wasforced, abrupt, and about as incomplete as that crap that edrider spews out. Giving you a 1 and that's being generous.

Screw the critics!