you need an editor; and you need to improve your writing.
by
Anonymous11/22/15
Read your own stuff
Read it out loud and think about the meanings. For a quick example: "...I saw a young looking woman doing cardio that caught my eye." Why did the cardio catch your eye? I bet you meant "A young woman doing cardio caught my eye" or "A young looking woman who was doing cardio caught my eye."
Furthermore, people are "who" not "that." Objects, activities and most animals are referred to as "that." (I tend to use "who" for pet animals who have been given names and have relationships with humans, but use "that" for all the rest of them.)
Take a creative writing course and learn to edit and compose sentences. 2** for effort.
by
Anonymous11/22/15
What did this have to do with Loving wives?
Erotic Couplings maybe? And you really, really need an editor. Did you even bother to proof read this little suck and fuck? Not really much of a story. Just some random sex that wasn't very sexy or erotic. BAH!
Welcome to the wonderful world of literotica. As I read this you have 4 comments and none are the poison pen type, which is an achievement in itself. However it may be because your story really does not stir up the reader’s passion, but instead gives the urge to help you. Because so many older writers helped me when I first started I like to help a newbie anytime I can. If you don’t like my advice just remember it’s probably worth as least as much as it cost you.
I gave you a three, based on this being a first story; three or four stories from now such an effort would be a 1 or 2 in my opinion. Now to get on to the advice—you should carefully consider what the other 4 commenters said. They were right on. In addition, you will notice a writer’s resources section when you log in to view posted stories—spend a lot of time with these postings; mostly they are written by people who know what they are talking about.
Among the advice you will find there is an article saying we should make our stories realistic. I’m not saying ‘you’ can’t, mind you, but when I think of crawling up behind a woman on her hands and knees and licking her cunt, I keep winding up with a picture of my nose in her asshole—not a very erotic notion. In the same light, to each his own, but a sweet tasting asshole pushes the limits of my ability to suspend belief.
Remember, a written erotic story can be compared to making love. The buildup of suspense as he tries to get into her pants is similar to foreplay and just as important. Make use of all senses here—not as easy to do as it is to say. Only when your characters (and your readers) are at fever pitch should there be penetration and after the couples finally sate their appetite you need to bring things down relatively slowly, (just as a good lover does not turn over and go to sleep.)
Next is a thing called proofreading. Do it, do it, then do it again. I find it helps to print my story and read aloud from the printed page. Maybe it’s just me but I always catch errors doing that, errors I’ve passed over several times reading from the monitor.
Anyway, good luck and keep writing. It’s a lot of fun!
by
Anonymous11/22/15
stupid poorly written whatever.
This isn't even a story, just a waste of time.
by
Anonymous11/22/15
Husband ?
In the beginning you say she says is separated from her Husband . Towards the end the guy thinks her husband Fucks her sore !
Little bit ox extra proof reading required , me thinks !
Reading this story and more importantly you taking the time to write and publish it was not a waste of time. I can see potential in your ability to become a good author. Most of the comments I've read to this point are spot on and were obviously written to help you become a better writer. Please ignore the idiot who said your story was a waste of time. Also, never pay attention to anything Impo_61 says. His only purpose for living is to try to stop people from publishing LW stories in which the wife gets fucked by any man except her husband. 5* 's to help compensate for the LW story trolls.
by
Anonymous11/23/15
Good
But don't listen to the aholes on here if they wrote so good they would be writing books and would be famous!
by
Anonymous11/23/15
1*
the new daily baboon arrived ........
by
Anonymous11/23/15
It wasn't completely horrible.
No matter how you spin it, 50 year old men can't achieve an erection the way an 18 year old. Not a bad thing but you have to decide if your character is an 18 or 50 year old.
Next: Women don't stay at hotels if they have friends or family in the area, it wouldn't make any sense for her to be visiting and stay in a hotel.
It's a jump to expect that just because a woman allowed you access to her body, she's now a slut who will do a threesome.
I've met women who love ice cream, who love babies, who even love art...I've never met a woman who loves to suck an 8" cock. Sure, they might enjoy it at the time or with their partner because it's fun; but love to suck?
It's seems that your trying to hard to be something you're not: popular with the ladies and you fell flat. The story was rushed and it just didn't quite fit.
I'm confident you will improve with time, so don't give up.
by
Anonymous11/23/15
What a wasted story line
She says her husband is a good lover yet she is a cheating cunt. He ends this story with the other guy thinking of adding more men to fuck her. Just plan whacked .
by
Anonymous11/23/15
typical willing cuckold trash
too bad loving wives has turned into a haven for trashy non-erotic willing cuckold stories. 1*
by
Anonymous11/23/15
Why 8"
I would have given him a 10" cock.
by
Anonymous11/24/15
Why stop at 10"
Since it's a fantasy make it a whopping 12" cock
by
Anonymous11/25/15
Young MILF here too
I had a similar occurrence with a young Hooters waitress once. She too was separated from hubby but had no kids. After she got off work, I took her to a nearby hotel and spent the rest of that night and the next morning wearing her pussy and asshole out. She said she had never allowed her husband to fuck her ass but wanted to experience it. She experienced it twice that night. This young wife (she was 22) said she preferred older men like me because of our "staying power" and that her husband was too quick on the trigger. With her tight little pussy and amazing tits, I could understand why a young guy would pop too soon. I took her home and got another blowjob in her kitchen before I left.
by
Anonymous11/26/15
Shouldn't knock this because of it being a cuckold. Read the story type.
Get off the loving wife cuckold shit. It's getting really old. That was for the last review.
However it only took three paragraphs to fuck this woman. No build up or seduction. Thus it was not erotic. Take some time to build character development. Work on making it seem real.
English
I said, she said...
I said, she said...1*
you need
you need an editor; and you need to improve your writing.
Read your own stuff
Read it out loud and think about the meanings. For a quick example: "...I saw a young looking woman doing cardio that caught my eye." Why did the cardio catch your eye? I bet you meant "A young woman doing cardio caught my eye" or "A young looking woman who was doing cardio caught my eye."
Furthermore, people are "who" not "that." Objects, activities and most animals are referred to as "that." (I tend to use "who" for pet animals who have been given names and have relationships with humans, but use "that" for all the rest of them.)
Take a creative writing course and learn to edit and compose sentences. 2** for effort.
What did this have to do with Loving wives?
Erotic Couplings maybe? And you really, really need an editor. Did you even bother to proof read this little suck and fuck? Not really much of a story. Just some random sex that wasn't very sexy or erotic. BAH!
WELCOME TO OUR WORLD!
Welcome to the wonderful world of literotica. As I read this you have 4 comments and none are the poison pen type, which is an achievement in itself. However it may be because your story really does not stir up the reader’s passion, but instead gives the urge to help you. Because so many older writers helped me when I first started I like to help a newbie anytime I can. If you don’t like my advice just remember it’s probably worth as least as much as it cost you.
I gave you a three, based on this being a first story; three or four stories from now such an effort would be a 1 or 2 in my opinion. Now to get on to the advice—you should carefully consider what the other 4 commenters said. They were right on. In addition, you will notice a writer’s resources section when you log in to view posted stories—spend a lot of time with these postings; mostly they are written by people who know what they are talking about.
Among the advice you will find there is an article saying we should make our stories realistic. I’m not saying ‘you’ can’t, mind you, but when I think of crawling up behind a woman on her hands and knees and licking her cunt, I keep winding up with a picture of my nose in her asshole—not a very erotic notion. In the same light, to each his own, but a sweet tasting asshole pushes the limits of my ability to suspend belief.
Remember, a written erotic story can be compared to making love. The buildup of suspense as he tries to get into her pants is similar to foreplay and just as important. Make use of all senses here—not as easy to do as it is to say. Only when your characters (and your readers) are at fever pitch should there be penetration and after the couples finally sate their appetite you need to bring things down relatively slowly, (just as a good lover does not turn over and go to sleep.)
Next is a thing called proofreading. Do it, do it, then do it again. I find it helps to print my story and read aloud from the printed page. Maybe it’s just me but I always catch errors doing that, errors I’ve passed over several times reading from the monitor.
Anyway, good luck and keep writing. It’s a lot of fun!
stupid poorly written whatever.
This isn't even a story, just a waste of time.
Husband ?
In the beginning you say she says is separated from her Husband . Towards the end the guy thinks her husband Fucks her sore !
Little bit ox extra proof reading required , me thinks !
Wasn't a waste of time.
Reading this story and more importantly you taking the time to write and publish it was not a waste of time. I can see potential in your ability to become a good author. Most of the comments I've read to this point are spot on and were obviously written to help you become a better writer. Please ignore the idiot who said your story was a waste of time. Also, never pay attention to anything Impo_61 says. His only purpose for living is to try to stop people from publishing LW stories in which the wife gets fucked by any man except her husband. 5* 's to help compensate for the LW story trolls.
Good
But don't listen to the aholes on here if they wrote so good they would be writing books and would be famous!
1*
the new daily baboon arrived ........
It wasn't completely horrible.
No matter how you spin it, 50 year old men can't achieve an erection the way an 18 year old. Not a bad thing but you have to decide if your character is an 18 or 50 year old.
Next: Women don't stay at hotels if they have friends or family in the area, it wouldn't make any sense for her to be visiting and stay in a hotel.
It's a jump to expect that just because a woman allowed you access to her body, she's now a slut who will do a threesome.
I've met women who love ice cream, who love babies, who even love art...I've never met a woman who loves to suck an 8" cock. Sure, they might enjoy it at the time or with their partner because it's fun; but love to suck?
It's seems that your trying to hard to be something you're not: popular with the ladies and you fell flat. The story was rushed and it just didn't quite fit.
I'm confident you will improve with time, so don't give up.
What a wasted story line
She says her husband is a good lover yet she is a cheating cunt. He ends this story with the other guy thinking of adding more men to fuck her. Just plan whacked .
typical willing cuckold trash
too bad loving wives has turned into a haven for trashy non-erotic willing cuckold stories. 1*
Why 8"
I would have given him a 10" cock.
Why stop at 10"
Since it's a fantasy make it a whopping 12" cock
Young MILF here too
I had a similar occurrence with a young Hooters waitress once. She too was separated from hubby but had no kids. After she got off work, I took her to a nearby hotel and spent the rest of that night and the next morning wearing her pussy and asshole out. She said she had never allowed her husband to fuck her ass but wanted to experience it. She experienced it twice that night. This young wife (she was 22) said she preferred older men like me because of our "staying power" and that her husband was too quick on the trigger. With her tight little pussy and amazing tits, I could understand why a young guy would pop too soon. I took her home and got another blowjob in her kitchen before I left.
Shouldn't knock this because of it being a cuckold. Read the story type.
Get off the loving wife cuckold shit. It's getting really old. That was for the last review.
However it only took three paragraphs to fuck this woman. No build up or seduction. Thus it was not erotic. Take some time to build character development. Work on making it seem real.
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