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Damn this was good
This was damn good
Keep the good stuff coming
Simply...
...amazing. Thank you for this well-crafted and thought out story. I'm enjoying this ride with you and the way you are telling the tale.
Great story, but
From a story perspective, this is complex and gripping, and the close of part 2 brings me to tears. I am waiting for the next installment, and wanting it yesterday.
From a technical perspective, your sentence structure needs a lot of work. You are using qualifying asides as whole sentences, using periods where there should be commas. The grammar errors interrupt the flow and creates a reading process that feels fragmented.
But from a creative standpoint, your story is fantastic.
Amazing
I read both of your stories from start to finish. I love the world that you have created with your charters and how well it blends in with our own. It is very easy to loose yourself in this amazing story! I cannot wait for the next installment.
Great story!
I am loving this saga! You paint a great mind visual as I read. Thank you!
Scrabble is a game...
In various places in the story (which is great by the way!) you have used: scrabble, scrabbling in what I assume should be scramble and scrambling. Checking the spelling in context may help avoid mistakes like this as it does detract from your excellent story.
Fantastic!
Although the plot line is following a little too closely to Twighlight for my tastes.
A glaring continuity problem I'm sorry to point out. In the beginning of this part, Coyote told Grace that he had served two tours in Vietnam and it was Grace's father who helped him pull himself together after he came back. Then Han selects Coyote to take and hide Grace because he has never been in a war and therefor his skills would best be used to hide grace.
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