All Comments on 'The Vampire's Bride'

One complaint is that her reaction and dialogue is very unnatural . There should be a better flow and a realistic reaction to her being grabbed. Overall a decent start, I'm looking forward to future chapters

I do believe her reaction was unrealistic but i do hope you'll keep writing your story i want to see what happens next.

He calls her Ms. Loren and then Melody McAllister.

I know I got the names mixed up very badly and I'm sorry bout that, I was sloppy with reading it over and gave two different last names, I'm sorry about that I really am, but just ignore the Ms.Loren, I truly am sorry! I know it's not a good excuse but I won't get it mixed up again, but I really am sorry about that little confusion.

The last name of Vlad the Impaler was Tepes, not Tempes and you need to do the following:

Get an editor, ASAP!

Read the story aloud to yourself

Really pay attention to the flow of your story

Good luck!