- All
Comments (35) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
And?
You're leaving it there?
too damn short!!
Just got really interesting and wham it's done. Clever story, great job! Hopefully you'll write more.
Well
Fucking asshole jerkoff cheating husband. Damn what a way to catch him in the act. I hate cheaters.
hmm
you cant leave it there - there must be a what happened next to finish the story
What a neat start
This made me smile (a lot)
There are so many possible endings.....maybe you should have a competition to see who comes up with best.
Just fine
We've got the gist of the story, which is how he got caught out and confronted. There's no need to go further. Based on her ire, and his lies, I don't believe she will be going for the threesome. Unless it's at a later date with Rob and Laura( whom I actually visualize as Dick Van Dyke and Mary Tyler Moore.
Nice flash!
'Nuff said!
Unless..
I like the possibility that it's a total co-incidence and she finds herself in a threesome with two strangers..
Lol. Interesting evening indeed.
Putting aside the absurd coincidence and the fact that inviting a complete stranger that you've known for 5 minutes to have sex with you in an impromptu threesome is unlikely, this story is intriguing. Oh, its about to get real! I hope there is a followup scene with the confrontation. This story can go so many different ways. The guy could turn out to not be her husband, which will be funny. If it is her husband, the pure shock on his face will be classic. So many ways...
so he blew off
their anniversary to cheat with 2 sluts. hope she kicks him in the nuts real hard.
Clever setup. Finished as a flash story, but . . .
it would have been good if you had carried it to the point where she verifies that it is her husband, or that its not! Too cute if she verifies the bird's fuck toy is not her husband, and then, just as she's begging off the threesome, she sees her husband walking up to the apartments arm and arm with another woman, who turns out to be this first woman's room mate! As previously said, so many options.
Good work.
Chapter Two!
Would LOVE to see what happens when they meet Paula's guy, LOL!
Rejected
After reading it, I can understand why it was rejected. There is plausible coincidence, and then there is highly improbable coincidence.
And the introduction of characters in the bar seemed to be attached to a different play than the restroom scene.
:LIterotica is a talented amateur writing site. Your story works in a way appropriate to this amateur site, but I think audiences who attend a venue like the Edinburgh Festival are looking for deeper insights into human behavior from the plays they see.
Ah yes, and we have yet another jackass who thinks he's a writer but is too lazy
to finish the damn story! What waste of time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One star. I only wish I could give negative stars. This piece of trivial crap would get a bunch of them.
5* Story
Wow! What a different ending to what I was expecting!
I can guess why they would have rejected it, though. They probably had kittens when they thought about two fairly complicated sets to be built in a small stage area!
Of course, they could have done it with minimalist sets and played to blacks, differentiating between the two areas with clever use of lights.
Actually, this might be good if entered in an amateur theatrical competition. Or for a TV production? If only they still had Play of the Week on.
I don't think it needs part 2...But...
I don't think it needs part 2...But it ended too soon...better if it ended when the cheating husband entered his lover's house...That should be the key point...But it's a good and funny story...3*
Work on your dialog skills......
An interesting, although unbelievable, story line was ruined by difficult to follow dialog techniques.
Just wasn't clever
And the dialogue was neither fun or interesting. It simply didn't capture my attention or make me laugh.
I agree
Finish the story or why bother
Sequel Needed
Please. Thanks for what you've done so far.
LOL!
If you, like me, are a Dr. Who fan at all, and know what "Bad Wolf" means in that context, then this first story setup, along with the author's name makes a nice matchup indeed! :-)
Most of the comments are unkind
I liked it.
The comment I did like suggested inviting others to add to it.
Forewarn Your Readers
When you post a bit of conversation, call it that up front. A "short play" connotes some complexity not presented.
Enjoyed Act 1
Do you plan to publish a second Act?
There is definitely a second chapter needed.
Thanks and please keep writing (it's been a while).
Loved it!
She goes to confront him. He shows up 5 minutes after she leaves. Finds out she left with another woman. Let the fun begin....
Fly on the Wall
I'd love to be the proverbial 'fly on the wall' for the upcoming meeting! It will EITHER result in a massive melt-down (95% chance) OR a great enhancement in the couple's future relationship (5% chance, dammit!)
NO, FTDS does NOT need to finish this ... the most likely result is very obvious ... and the unlikely alternate is delicious to ponder!
5* GOOD does not HAFTA be long!
Act 01
Scene 02
please
Heh, heh. Looks like two people are in for a BIG surprise shortly.....
.....hubby and Paula, when Jenny shows up to their little tryst and the fireworks begin....or Jenny and Paula when they gets there and Jenny discovers a parallel situation, leaving (hence Paula's surprise) Jenny to either escape or join the fun.....
This one is interesting and worthwhile enough to beg a more developed second and perhaps, third installment.
Thank you.
I gave it five stars...
... Because I like funny. This has two very funny possible endings. One, it is her husband. Two, it isn't her husband. Panther fan.
Act 2
Has soooo many great possibilities! I can see three acts with act three either BURN or reconcile. Pleeeeeez
I Do Not Know****
Where and if you are going anywhere with this story. This is a damn good beginning or stand alone story. Thanks for sharing.
DIFFERENT BUT GOOD!
I don't remember reading a story with 32 comments (at time I reed it) with so few negative. I enjoyed it.
PERFECT!!!!!
I was thinking of asking for more, but this is a real good cliffhanger & leaves everything that happens next to the readers imagination. This doesn't need more chapters or acts. It's fine as is. It's about time someone put a story on lit that didn't describe everything & made us readers finish the story in our minds.
Keep up the good work!
Excellent!
Great short!
Would love to see a longer version of this where the cheating asshole gets his!
Like
I like this but, some writers leave the ending to the readers imagination and that works sometimes. Other times it's like reading a book to find the last two pages missing or some one telling a joke and has forgotten the punch line. With respect i think you could continue this adding drama and tension, the imagination is in you, you sre the entertainer.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to An Interesting Evening or
More submissions by Badwolf123.