Learn to proof read/spell check or something. Blatant errors are too distracting from an interesting story.
by
Anonymous12/07/15
Chapter 2 please!
by
Anonymous12/07/15
WOW is my first reaction .... a very very good beginning, hot, arousing and plenty of options to develop with more chapters !! Its so hot having 2 sisters each needing something special and being so sensitive to touch and feeling. Two horny, dripping babes and a boyfriend who was taught the how to's by his sister ! A great way to spend an evening. Eating out two juicy pussies is a dream come true plus plus plus. Thank you.
At least you had some idea where the hymen was unlike so many others who write about a girls first time, could of had a little more girl/girl action going.
Thanks for the feedback everybody, but I just wanted to let you know this was my first story, and yeah, I don't have much real life experience. I'm only 22. If you leave useful comments, I will learn from them.
Springing the sister into the story with no was a negative. Did not mention he had a sister, did not mention Erika knew the sister, did not use her name, did not talk about her in anyway.
Parts of the story were OK. How & when did he and Erika fuck or did someone else "deflower" her. Should have made the story longer and with more details.
by
Anonymous12/08/15
A good first effort
First congratulations on publishing a story, it needs some work but you took the big step.
Second, you need an editor, both to avoid spelling/grammatical errors that are distracting and to work with you on story telling.
Third, listen to the critiques and get better. It's worth the effort. Don't worry too much about ratings, yours will get better as you develop your craft.
Fourth, Keep writing
Averygoodlay is incorrect. Like so many other authors, you don't know where the hymen is. It's at the entrance to the vagina, not somewhere up inside. Stick ANYTHING past the vagina's entrance and you've breached the hymen getting inside. He popped Emma's cherry when he stuck fingers inside her (not just once, but twice) and by the time he "stuck the head in and out a few times", he was already one dickhead's length past where the hymen used to be. You're unfortunately not alone in repeating the myth. I have yet to read a story on Lit that got it right. Some of those were by women authors, who you would think would get it right.
The story line itself wasn't too bad, but a story filled with typos and word errors is like a road filled with potholes, it makes for an unpleasant journey. You might want to look into trying to hook up with one of Lit's free editing volunteers.
One last thing, "messaging" is sending someone a communication. "Massaging" is giving someone a rub down. You use "massage" oil to do it. Still not sure why Erika was rubbing his back and calves, while he was eating Emma's pussy. Why not his ass, balls and/or cock?
English
Learn to proof read/spell check or something. Blatant errors are too distracting from an interesting story.
Chapter 2 please!
WOW is my first reaction .... a very very good beginning, hot, arousing and plenty of options to develop with more chapters !! Its so hot having 2 sisters each needing something special and being so sensitive to touch and feeling. Two horny, dripping babes and a boyfriend who was taught the how to's by his sister ! A great way to spend an evening. Eating out two juicy pussies is a dream come true plus plus plus. Thank you.
Not too bad
At least you had some idea where the hymen was unlike so many others who write about a girls first time, could of had a little more girl/girl action going.
My First Erotic Story
Thanks for the feedback everybody, but I just wanted to let you know this was my first story, and yeah, I don't have much real life experience. I'm only 22. If you leave useful comments, I will learn from them.
OK story
Springing the sister into the story with no was a negative. Did not mention he had a sister, did not mention Erika knew the sister, did not use her name, did not talk about her in anyway.
Parts of the story were OK. How & when did he and Erika fuck or did someone else "deflower" her. Should have made the story longer and with more details.
A good first effort
First congratulations on publishing a story, it needs some work but you took the big step.
Second, you need an editor, both to avoid spelling/grammatical errors that are distracting and to work with you on story telling.
Third, listen to the critiques and get better. It's worth the effort. Don't worry too much about ratings, yours will get better as you develop your craft.
Fourth, Keep writing
God story, but definitely needs an editor
title says it all
Busting the hymen myth once again.
Averygoodlay is incorrect. Like so many other authors, you don't know where the hymen is. It's at the entrance to the vagina, not somewhere up inside. Stick ANYTHING past the vagina's entrance and you've breached the hymen getting inside. He popped Emma's cherry when he stuck fingers inside her (not just once, but twice) and by the time he "stuck the head in and out a few times", he was already one dickhead's length past where the hymen used to be. You're unfortunately not alone in repeating the myth. I have yet to read a story on Lit that got it right. Some of those were by women authors, who you would think would get it right.
The story line itself wasn't too bad, but a story filled with typos and word errors is like a road filled with potholes, it makes for an unpleasant journey. You might want to look into trying to hook up with one of Lit's free editing volunteers.
One last thing, "messaging" is sending someone a communication. "Massaging" is giving someone a rub down. You use "massage" oil to do it. Still not sure why Erika was rubbing his back and calves, while he was eating Emma's pussy. Why not his ass, balls and/or cock?
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