All Comments on 'F6: The Marlborough Man in the Moon'

Space is not usually a genre I read much of but the story was well thought out and complete. I struggled with some of the language used and found the short cuts such as 3x and PITA jarring to the flow as I read.

Overall though it was an interesting tale.

Good Fawcking!

Plants need carbon dioxide and sunlight and water . NOT oxygen ! That's a waste product of plants .

/&$#?% is this by you ??

2*s

There may have been little atmosphere on the planet but this story was tingling with it. High octane tension, whatever the boob about oxygen/carbon dioxide.

Signs of rushing, and the four words are not very well integrated - could beneficially be edited out at a later stage. A strong and sexy story, though, with good 'show don't tell' description. The casual use of 'in' phrases like '5x5' made me feel like I was there with Cassie, although may need thought if others like xelliebabiex found them awkward.

Could try putting the first scene in italics so it doesn't come as such a bump for the reader when Roz breaks in to Cassie's 'recreation'?

This story reminds me of the classic SciFi I read as a child (except for the erotic parts, of course). I was absorbed.

I liked this a lot. A good warning for us not to mess around with the affairs of others. I love the title, and I want to take Brock home with me. Great story, FAWCker.

I love a good sci-fi story and this one worked pretty well without getting too bogged down in details of time or space (haha). It felt a little rushed and I'd love some more details of how or why they were set up, but great story-telling.

Stories are, at root, sentences, phrases, independent but connecting to make something more. From that standpoint, this story is more advanced than most others in this challenge. There is a ton of ability on display in this story, and solid, solid talent. Superior talent, really.

Most people can't write like this. Your ear for writing is well-honed. There are some sentences, whole paragraphs, that light me up with a little bit of jealousy. That's impressive.

The creativity here is also off the charts. This is a classic tale in some ways, at home on The Twilight Zone or the Outer Limits, but because it is so artfully done, it stands at the shoulder of those works, rather than being some stumpy imitation. It's a positively worthwhile idea, with an aggressive scope. It merges the simple and the grandiose, adding complexity without ever seeming too big for its britches, as they say.

I love all of that.

Odd then that it has such sloppy sections. There are some punctuation errors right at the beginning that continue to pop-up throughout. They stand-out even more because the writing is so otherwise elegant. That speaks to me of a rush job. That's a shame, because this, "Cassie sighed and rolled over onto her back. Brock moved with her, over her. His muscular thigh parted her legs and pressed into her throbbing, wet hot sex. She moaned, ran her hands down his strong back, arched herself up towards him. The wash of stars visible over his shoulder boggled her mind. Living in the city, it was easy to forget how vast the universe really was. How small they were in comparison. But out here, everything was different. She was different." is such a wonderfully effective opening. One of the best in this FAWC.

In addition, for all the clever dialogue and sublime descriptions, some of the exposition in this is really clumsy. When the women are speaking on the first page, explaining the setting of this tale, they might as well have spoken in bullet points. The mechanics of their discussion was that obvious. A lighter hand would have preserved what is otherwise a deliciously subtle story.

The story comes together well at the end, too. Taking the cowboy image and making him at once foreign and familiar, comforting and dangerous, is an inspired choice.

I may seem like I'm being overly critical here. If so, I apologize. This is my favorite story of the challenge so far. It's got so much potential. It's so very clever and sometimes, oh, sometimes, it's close to being something truly special.

It needs cleaned up, however. As it stands, it is an out-of-this-world idea still tethered by some rudimentary mistakes.

Was a sexy tale until you made them bald. Hairless pussy is awesome. Hairless legs and pits are mandatory. But. a bald female head is repulsive. Took me right out of the otherwise hot fantasy.

Nicely done, and fun to see a sci fi setting. :)

The author of this story is sheablue. Thanks for FAWCking!

Having just finished The Martian I think I'd rather be on this planet with Cassie!

Good space yarn, a little bit of Ray Bradbury crossed with Sigourney Weaver crossed with Doctor Who. Unpretentious, and fun.

And the anon who didn't like the close shaved heads - that's ok, they can queue up in front of my sleeping pod, any time!

Hahaha, just enough creep factor here to stand up some hair. So Cassie is riding an orgasm to eternity. Dont fence me in.

Good syfi and mystery, I don't think Roz is alive but cassie is. Where she is, is another concern.