All Comments on 'F6: Of Love and Laundry'

by NaokoSmith

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  • 8 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Good word use

This is a clean story, with few typos or errors. The four words were well integrated.

I like the exploration of women's sexuality - its power (pulling power), yet simultaneous subordination to other dynamics in the workplace. There's a myth that good sex should come (ho ho) from giving up control, but it's only when she has control over her sexuality that Helen can negotiate both work and play with the Literature Prof from a position of strength.

patientleepatientleeover 8 years ago
I liked this story.

I felt as though it was an accurate depiction of a real relationship in which one partner is too wrapped up in his/her own business to consider what the other is going through. I liked the study of university politics and relationships as well. I did have a little trouble keeping track of all the characters. Good luck to you, FAWCking author!

AMoveableBeastAMoveableBeastover 8 years ago

I can't remember a story that was harder for me to score than this one.

It's good, sometimes very, very good, but there is a wavering quality to it, an unevenness that jostled me throughout.

The writing is for the most part crisp and well-manicured. There are some jumbled parts where names and facts are poured onto the reader full-tilt, but the technical skill here is pretty high.

The emotion....At its heart this is a story of emotions. I love those. I live for those. Emotional complexity is sweet nectar to me. There are points where this story delivers that seamlessly with grasping fingers and real-world depth. But there are also times when everything becomes disconnected, academic even--a lab report about the human condition. It becomes a listing of characters, a connecting of actions and reactions and nothing more, and some of these fall in the worst possible places. And then, a few paragraphs later, the warmth seeps in again and the story is actualized and gripping once more.

I'm curious if these sections represent different periods of writing on the author's part. I've found that in my own work from time to time. I'd be very interested to learn the time frame over which this piece was written, and the emotional states in which it was constructed. I can't recall a tale with more authenticity, but still featuring little portions of flatness.

It's still a good story. One of my favorites of the challenge so far, and the idea behind it shows a maturity and complexity that is somewhat uncommon around here. It's everything I look for in a story, in an author, and for long stretches, you had me, you had me tight. So strange, then, for you to lose me so frequently a moment later.

As a side note, I was wondering if you had ever read "The Dying Animal" by Phillip Roth? Roth's David Kepesh character--a sort of reoccurring protagonist of his--is sort of a boob-obsessed professor who falls in love with a younger student. More particularly, he falls in love with her breasts, which she losses to cancer near the end of the story. There is a scene in which David photographs and worships her breasts that your story put me in mind of. It is a wonderfully complex story and scene. Consider checking it out if you have not.

And thank you for writing. This was a pleasure. I would be very interested in reading more from you.

xelliebabexxelliebabexover 8 years ago
Interweave

I found teh interweaving of two stories, Helen's and Jim's, confusing at times as you switched from one story to another with an ease that had me having to back track now and then to get all the side characters in the right rooms with the right people. It seemed to have a large cast for a short story but the story was complete and i finished it feeling good that everything had been resolved.

Good Fawcing Job.

sheabluesheablueover 8 years ago
Beautifully written

I love this story. The realistic situation and completely believable characters only add to its sexiness. I love how the "misunderstandings" were so realistically written, not in a "Three's Company" kind of way but the way life happens, We misunderstand, we make assumptions based on our own worldview. I didn't have a problem with the several characters introduced, but I wondered at Karen's reaction to people thinking she was sleeping with students. I yearn for a world in which she could laugh it off and be believed, but I feel in her situation she would have been more concerned that she was gaining that kind of reputation in a new position. Just a thought. I loved the science and all of the details, like her necklace and how Jim could not even focus enough to see what it was until the very end. Also, unless I missed something, the ending seemed just a tad abrupt.

legerdemerlegerdemerover 8 years ago
Too much fun

The story was very well done, writing wise, and integrated the 4 words of the challenge beautifully. It had great tongue in cheek moments. The scene on the washer was very... hot, as was the glorious titfucking scene. And might I add women scientists in Britain would seem to have more fun than their American cousins? (I did find the frank conversation between Jim and Helen a little hard to believe. I would have expected rather more beating around the bush. Hee hee.) I liked the interweaving of the stories of the various characters - the third person omniscient worked for me here. The ending was indeed abrupt, and using the electrode as a necklace...ummm, maybe. And yet I liked Helen coming back to being a serious scientist - her remembering her calling, as it were. But poor Davey... He needed to be put out of his misery...

FAWCkerFAWCkerover 8 years ago
Author's name

The author who wrote this story is NaokoSmith. Thanks for FAWCking!

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago

I'm so horny right now I just want to fuck someone

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