All Comments on 'F6: A Day at the Carnival'

I liked this sweet little story. I am left with much to wonder bout their continuing journey and other companions they may pick up along their journey.

Good Fawcking Job!

Nice little humorous piece; however, the weak editing and sloppy punctuation and grammar really detracted from my reading of it. Here's an example of a sentence: "She started to quiver, grinding harder the hands pulled back ready to plunge." I assume a semi-colon, at least, is missing between the grinding harder and the hands.

Regarding the challenge, three of the four words were woven in very successfully. The one that wasn't, was “clerk” - it pretty much came out of nowhere - the link between “man of God” and clerk wasn’t well made… I don't know about others, but I had a similar issue with the Y words - one was quite a bit harder to weave in than the rest, unless you wrote a very specific type of story. So good job - 3*

This is a great start to a story, rather than a full story. It reminds me of Lien_Geller's writing. (It needs a good edit.)

The words are well worked in - apart from cabbage, but I wonder if with a bit more time you could have done something more with that. Maybe lack of time led to the rushed ending and not taking up the many opportunities for group sex scenes.

...what was special enough about Gabriel to allow him to defeat the wood nymph. Maybe I missed something. Or maybe I needed to know more about why the wood nymph needed to be defeated. I just felt as though a piece was missing in an otherwise fun story. I loved the description of the setting. Good luck, FAWCker!

I love fantasies stories, and I think this one has potential. It doesn't feel complete, and I'm left wanting more information on the world, and the characters. I enjoyed the characters' interactions, and it did leave me curious for more. I was thrown by the work clerk for the "man of God." Wouldn't it be cleric?

This is an unapologetically trope-heavy fantasy piece. That's not a knock. I like fantasy. I grew up on it. It is still one of my favorite genres. I'm an easy mark when sword and sorcery are involved.

This one, for me, however, does nothing to stand apart from hundreds of thousands of others. It's not a bad story, but as far as plot and character are concerned, nothing much is presented and nothing much happens.

Now, I'm not one of those readers that needs huge changes or wild, driven plots to be happy, but there just isn't a lot of development going on that I can see. It was entertaining enough, and there was some good humor in there, but I felt as if this was almost a random section of a bigger story.

The most important aspect of any story, is knowing why you are telling it. Why now? Why not start it a year earlier, or a year later? What is it about these people and these events that is important enough to share? I couldn't decipher why you were telling me about these particular characters at this juncture of their lives. For fantasy, it was all just kind of mundane.

The author of this story is litfan10. Thanks for FAWCking!