CONGRATULATIONS. Your story is well developed with a definite beginning, middle and end end. it is a few edits away from a full five-star (imho.) The abdomen below the rib cage is the belly, not the stomach. I's a nit-pick but it always takes me out of the fictive dream. Also The past tense of the verb "lie" is lay, not laid. Your point of view from inside the male character is effective but it keeps the reader from becoming invested in the relationship. But it is a good story and you tell it well. Thanks for sharing.
English
Great Story!
When Opportunity Knocks You Down On The Way To Sex, ENJOY! Loved YOUR Writing!
Absolutely the best ....
Absolutely one of the best stories I have read in awhile. I loved the set up, flashback and finish. Great story.
Excellent story and well narrated
CONGRATULATIONS. Your story is well developed with a definite beginning, middle and end end. it is a few edits away from a full five-star (imho.) The abdomen below the rib cage is the belly, not the stomach. I's a nit-pick but it always takes me out of the fictive dream. Also The past tense of the verb "lie" is lay, not laid. Your point of view from inside the male character is effective but it keeps the reader from becoming invested in the relationship. But it is a good story and you tell it well. Thanks for sharing.
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