YOU'VE a good mind for this type of writing, but I could not get through it to the point of sex.......so many errors it became painful to read ....... if you would have put it down once finished and cum :) back to proof read the next day or read it again today you,I think will agree with me.
Keep writing though .
by
Anonymous12/22/15
Sexy toilet room
Give John a bit of hair for his sexy chest -and Kylie can trace her fingers ever so gently when they make love again! John sounds like a big-dicked other brother! Maybe she can suck him and taste his cum, and suck on his chest hair!
by
Anonymous12/22/15
I'm glad that John and Kylie discovered where
where a big brother's fat young cock belongs--up his baby sister's cute little cunt. When the boy blows his brotherly balls and fills his sis with his semen she has the best cum of her life. Time to give their parents their first grandchild.
All these people that always complain about every thing are chicken#&%%$,
as they can not even leave a true name. If you don't like them so much why don't you find another site!!! and quit running people down.
by
Anonymous12/22/15
Editing
If you need an editor i would be willing to help you can email me @mrcalvinq@gmail.com
The contortions involved are interesting, but then, when it comes to sex, almost anything is possible. Kylie must have been more than a bit turned on ahead of time to respond so quickly and wonderfully. I hope no one else used that bathroom for awhile - the aroma would certainly have been a giveaway. She and John are going to have quite a few little spats after that, I'm certain.
Thanks for all the comments, I've already spotted one mistake but I don't believe that it detracts from reading the story. Seriously if grammar is a mood killer then you have some bigger problems than this story.
Comments good and bad are welcome, if they are negative tell me why.
Peace out
Not that my input means anything, but I agree there are some grammatical errors that nag at my mind a little. That said, there aren't too many in this story, and not enough to make it not enjoyable. Otherwise, I definitely enjoyed the storyline and idea behind the story.
I am also available as an editor if you'd like, just click my name and drop me a message. :)
It's quite annoying the way people attack each other here. It is true that each person is entitled to their opinion, but that should be brought up as constructive criticism, not as personal attacks.
Grammatical errors are quite distracting, more than you would think. I've heard some more negative experiences with editors, and I'm not keen on them myself, but you got two offers in the comments above, so it might just work.
One other thing I'd recommend is to increase the length of the story a bit, because now it's a bit on the short side. Also, the move from bickering to having sex seemed somewhat sudden. Other than that, it was quite enjoyable.
English
Great idea something different is always good
OUCH !!!
YOU'VE a good mind for this type of writing, but I could not get through it to the point of sex.......so many errors it became painful to read ....... if you would have put it down once finished and cum :) back to proof read the next day or read it again today you,I think will agree with me.
Keep writing though .
Sexy toilet room
Give John a bit of hair for his sexy chest -and Kylie can trace her fingers ever so gently when they make love again! John sounds like a big-dicked other brother! Maybe she can suck him and taste his cum, and suck on his chest hair!
I'm glad that John and Kylie discovered where
where a big brother's fat young cock belongs--up his baby sister's cute little cunt. When the boy blows his brotherly balls and fills his sis with his semen she has the best cum of her life. Time to give their parents their first grandchild.
complainers
All these people that always complain about every thing are chicken#&%%$,
as they can not even leave a true name. If you don't like them so much why don't you find another site!!! and quit running people down.
Editing
If you need an editor i would be willing to help you can email me @mrcalvinq@gmail.com
Ignore the dumb ass critics
Wildly hot and sexy story! Fantastic job!
Get Along...Or Not!
The contortions involved are interesting, but then, when it comes to sex, almost anything is possible. Kylie must have been more than a bit turned on ahead of time to respond so quickly and wonderfully. I hope no one else used that bathroom for awhile - the aroma would certainly have been a giveaway. She and John are going to have quite a few little spats after that, I'm certain.
From the author
Thanks for all the comments, I've already spotted one mistake but I don't believe that it detracts from reading the story. Seriously if grammar is a mood killer then you have some bigger problems than this story.
Comments good and bad are welcome, if they are negative tell me why.
Peace out
Input
Not that my input means anything, but I agree there are some grammatical errors that nag at my mind a little. That said, there aren't too many in this story, and not enough to make it not enjoyable. Otherwise, I definitely enjoyed the storyline and idea behind the story.
I am also available as an editor if you'd like, just click my name and drop me a message. :)
It's quite annoying the way people attack each other here. It is true that each person is entitled to their opinion, but that should be brought up as constructive criticism, not as personal attacks.
Ur right u need an editot
Amazing keep writing
Great Story
I hope you continue this story it was great
Grammatical errors are quite distracting, more than you would think. I've heard some more negative experiences with editors, and I'm not keen on them myself, but you got two offers in the comments above, so it might just work.
One other thing I'd recommend is to increase the length of the story a bit, because now it's a bit on the short side. Also, the move from bickering to having sex seemed somewhat sudden. Other than that, it was quite enjoyable.
who cares about the errors it was a
tantalizing story that needs a chapter 2
Alright
I like it but i felt it was a bit rushed. 4*
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