A Brother to Cheer For

Nice story, you avoided the million spelling mistakes or misused words that most get into. Up to the sex part it was fine then it changed and got choppy but then after you returned to normal dialogue.

Screaming

You aren't the only one to do this, but when the parents are in the house, and you don't want to get caught, I would think screaming and shrieking would not be something you'd want to do --unless you don't want a repeat. Most parents, when they hear screams will check out the noise. When I read "we must be quiet," and then the girl screams when she comes and the guy shouts (not in this tale, but in others) ... well, credibility is gone, and the tale becomes a straight up fantaxy. Details are something to think about.

While I've known adult space cadets who tune into their phones so much, Dad must be totally oblivious. And, there must be a foyer or wall blocking the entryway to the living room. But Dad must be totally oblivious. Makes me think Mom caught Dad the same way, by flaunting it and getting into his face until he finally realized she was interested.

All that said, you did a decent story telling. Keep at it!

Response to "nice story" comment

Rest assured, you won't find bad spelling or poor grammar in my stories.
If it exists, it's only in a handful of spots, and it is never excessive, just unnoticed by the writer.
I pride myself on being a professional writer and posting quality work.
However, it does sound like I need to make a more smooth transition when it comes to dialogue and tone as the story moves into the "sexual activity" aspect.
I haven't read this story in a while so I'll have to go back and read it so I can fully understand your remarks there.
But it sounds like something I can definitely improve upon in my writing.
Thank you for the feedback and constructive remarks. I appreciate it.

Response to "Screaming" comment

All valid points and remarks there.
When I wrote this, I wanted to emphasize the narrator's reaction to the sexual pleasure and emphasize the orgasm that her stepbrother had given her.
However, I definitely have to do a better job maintaining the secrecy of the intimate relationship in the midst of sexual acts, especially since a parent is in the house at the time of the sexual activity.
This was my first time writing an incest/taboo story
so I'm not as familiar working with this subject as I am with
other erotic subjects that I have written about.
More details and specifics would have definitely helped enhance the quality of the writing for this story.
If I decide to make this into a series, or write other stories that involve incest, I will definitely keep these remarks in mind.
Glad you enjoyed the story, and don't worry, I have every intention to keep writing.
Thank you for the feedback and constructive criticism. Always appreciated.

Maybe

Her first fuck, but at least you didn't make the mistake of saying he broke her hymen after having four fingers stuffed up her snach pretty good for a virgin.

Response to Averygoodlay "Maybe" comment

Yep, I don't make those types of mistakes in my writing.
It's definitely tougher to write sex scenes with at least one virgin, but I think I do an effective job conveying their first time experience and reactions.
There's suspension of disbelief, and some exaggeration of orgasmic moments, which I admit is common in some of my stories, and then there's making significant mistakes within the writing.
Hopefully, the quality of my writing continues to get better as I continue to write more stories.
Thanks for the comment and feedback, Averygoodlay.

Great HOT and very naughty story !! Bobby needs to focus and slowly jerk off onto her tongue; so she can get all of his cum. Please write more and show how they become very expert at arousing and draining each other; without a mess on anything but themselves !! Cannot get caught. Thanks !!

Response to "Great HOT and very naughty story !!" comment

Glad to hear that you enjoyed my story. I'm definitely considering adding another chapter and making this into a series. If it does happens, I probably won't allow them to get caught. It would definitely be difficult for them to arouse and satisfy each other if their parents knew about their affection for each other and what they were doing behind closed doors. Thanks for all the positive feedback. I appreciate it.

Sexy step-brother

Give Bobby some hair for that delicious chest she so admires! He rips his shirt off and tosses it aside -- how nice if she could touch and caress a hairy chest! A young man like Bobby looks so sexy with the beginnings of chest hair, especially across the sternum and pecs!

Response to "Sexy step-brother" comment

Good advice. I'll definitely consider making changes like that if I do add another chapter and make this into a series. Thanks for the feedback. Glad to hear that you enjoyed my story and found the Bobby character to be sexy.