Wednesday = Hump Day Pt. 01

Not enough for a good start.

Your story has an interesting direction, but it isn't enough to entice the reader to return. Please add to your story and do not leave us with as little as the beginning.

Slapdash punctuation, run-on sentences, and odd spelling

Could have been a good start, but all the above are distractions that are easily avoided with a little time and patience. Rushed and not well thought-out or delivered, 3 stars, which is still a 'like', but it could have scored much better with a little more care and attention to detail.

Lucky Boy

Wish I grew up with her

unique

enjoyed the different take on mom/son thing...look forward to more

What the hell was that?

No background hell that wasn't even a tease to get me hard. Total fail. *

development

Okay a bit thin in the start, so you need to develop characters and their interaction beyond email. What is unique? Where do they go for privacy and developing their tryst and relationship?

Interesting, but needs work...

I'm going to hold off, rating this story, until I've seen another chapter or two. It's got some potential, but it's too early to tell how it's going to turn out. There are some hints, such as the fact that Mom is sitting on the couch drinking a glass of wine, early in the afternoon. She's supposedly just finished her workout, but wine isn't really the best thing to drink after a workout. And she's going to take a COLD shower, after the workout? Strange. A hot shower, followed by a cold rinse, perhaps, but taking only a cold shower won't wash the sweat away as well, and runs the risk of trapping sweat in the pores when the cold water hits them.

Grammatically, the author needs improvement. It's not, "...an internet model that was made famous..." but "...an internet model WHO became famous..." And that's just one of his major errors in grammar.

Definitely, this tale could use some work - and an editor/proofreader!

Wednesday = hump day, Pt. 01

This gets one start, and it's not a star.
This has more the feel of being hastily uploaded so your Mom wouldn't catch you writing this stuff.
Hey, folks, Shaun's got a hard-on in class...and yippie skippy.
This is worst than a police report that says, "There was a murder. Somewhere. We're looking into it and may have a case."
Not very helpful.
Does Literotica have a Juvenile Section? That's where this belongs.

Great start

Good build up. Can't wait for the next installment. Really like how subtle the seduction is progressing through the text messages.

Childish non-story

The "writer" appears to be almost making the story up as he types...sort of, but not really. It's not a story at all, it's like a middle-school boy's initial random thoughts about maybe someday writing an actual story, but maybe not.

this excellent first-time contribution gets five stars from me

18 year old Shaun is a pretty ordinary young guy in most ways. One way he's a bit out of the ordinary is that when he's texting with his mom the kid gets hard in his shorts. No surprise--besides being his loving mother, Denise is drop-dead gorgeous. I wonder if when she's texting her baby boy mom gets maybe a little wet between her thighs? "Hump Day Pt. 01"? Hmm. Hump Day as in...motherhumping? Sounds very promising. How about if we cut this new author some slack? I've seen scathing negative comments scare away new writers on Lit time and again, and we readers are the big losers. Please, dear Shaunus, don't let them do that to you.

i don't hide my words so don't you

Denise - "Boring as usual, house work is pretty much done; dinner is in the oven"
then this line
Denise - "No doubt then he will get himself a pizza with none to share and some beers, so what do you want for dinner tonight sweety?" after having already put diner in the oven you need to keep track of your story so the reader does not lose track or maybe you could have said "desert" as a tease but that is about the worse i could come up with as showing a need to keep facts in line keep track and keep the flow going need of a cold shower does make me wonder if she is hot with desire or the need to cool down so husband doesn't come home and want to fuck her with the sent of a woman?? just a few points to clarify for the readers

Great premise; mediocre delivery

Pay attention to your story line. Start an editorial dialogue with one or more of the many volunteers who've offered their services on this website. Present more than a teaser 1 page per Part. Readers will tire of the tease and not read your work.

Great start

Looking forward to the rst , well done : ))
Dont understand the criticism for some of the cu5ts here lol This is a hobby writers site not professional .Please hurry up with part 2 : )))

Ah

It was an okay start, but try to make the chapters longer and you'll see the votes go up. People don't like to just get into the story and have it end. It's better to have fewer 3 page chapters then a bunch of 1 page chapters.

nice!!

with technology the way it is today home come there isnt more sexting stories!?i like it!!

Finish please

Please for the love of God..Finish this hot story

Lame by Brevity

Sorry, but anything this short is a waste of people's time.

hated it

just getting interesting, then nothing. Please finish.

Uh please write more, wtf? How do you end it there?!!!

The Author Must Have Fell Asleep*

I almost did!! ZZZZZZZZZ

Where's the rest of the story?????? Needs CH. 2