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English
Awesome!
"Land in a red Cadillac convertible full of naked women" Only a man. I love it!
Words
Would you please let the people talk for themselves!!!!! You have John doing this he said she said and then his thought on the topic. Put it in dialog. It's really simple, Deb will say something and John will answer. Or Rhea or Sam, but let them speak. You are having John tell about his thoughts and then what was said by everyone. At one point you had a whole paragraph of a conversation between John and Deb, and it was all told in a narrative by John. The problem with that is they were both right there
you threw a curve, or bowled a googly on us
and a zinger ensued.
Deb trying to insinuate herself?
Rhea shuffled off to Uni?
wtf is going on with Sam?
and
SpaceX enters stage left
Impressive---
change of pace. From the doorstep of death to a BDSM show and finally a romantic interlude. You are a great writer.
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