All Comments on 'Newfound Power'

wow... i love your story

While the basic story is over used, you could run with it to see where your verision takes you. The pace seemed to be a tad bit off in the beginning. You might want to see if you can find an editor. Good luck.

When I got to the 13 inch cock I had to stop. That simply exceeded my ability to believe the story. I won't read a story in which any woman has 48GG boobs, either. As an author, you need to keep the story believable. That means both the people and the circumstances. You need to try again and reign in the excessiveness.

just the size is a bit over the top but love to read more

Great story definitely looking forward to see where this goes. I do agree though that you might want to get someone to edit and proofread.

Minor quibbles: I do hate when multi-part stories are not labeled as such. I want the option of not reading something until I know it is being continued. I usually give an author a chance or two but there are a lot of unfinished stories and I try to avoid those. It seems like this is meant to be continued and I do hope it is.

Also, I do agree with Hamster that the whole 13 inch thing is overdone. Maybe this will become more a plot element in some further chapter, but simply making it a fair amount above average and focusing on it being more 'beautiful' or 'desirable' might have made the magical aspect more compelling.

But I really did enjoy the story. Hot but not too over the top. Plenty of plot and character development for a short couple of pages without making it just a prolog. More typos than I would like but not much different from other tales here.

It definitely left me wanting to read more.

Thanks

Can't wait for more. I do agree that thirteen inches is too much.

The 13" cock... blah. Unbelievable, juvenile, and important how? And why 13"? Where'd that number come from? Why so specific, especially when you didn't mention any other specific numbers in his transformation.

Slow down the story. You really jumped into it fast and didn't take the time to build any characters. Everyone's two dimensional. The letter from his uncle, for example, was really flat. The guy's dying and going to leave something to his long lost nephew, and he can't bother explaining a bit more about the box and the ring? He might be a guy of few words, but now's the time to really spill some stuff out. It's not like he's going to get another chance to speak, after all.

Nordic runes on a box found in the Himalayas? Do you have a plan to explain that incongruity? A strong warrior that ruled over a whopping "hundred or so"? That's not much of a kingdom.

Why didn't the uncle wear the ring? How did he know what the ring might do... and never want to try it on? Why did he think the nephew he knew nothing about might be qualified to wear the ring?

Lots of little things that need fixing. Overall, not a bad story idea. The execution needs some work, but that can be done.

To readers with a size complaint. I also dislike huge dick/tit sizes but I also realize it's a fantasy of someone's imagination. Get over it!

Now for the rest. Yes there are some problems to be explained but once again it is fantasy. Nordic runes on the box is not out of place if he wants that. This isn't great writing just a person trying his best. I for one hope he will continue and fix his so called errors plot wise. I don't really want to see the roommates because then they will probably move in with him. I think he should stay on the move and have women in various towns.

This has potential if he takes his time and think about where the story goes. Try to plot ahead before you write.

in the eyes of a guy who thought 6 inches was large. anything else would look like 13 inches. Keep the story coming l you have a lot of back story and details to fill in but you can use that to develop the character. He might transfer to that college and go into archololgy program to find out what his uncle was up to. Good start.

All I can say is please post more and more often. Thus, I hope the you are not discouraged by the "too big" and Nordic character comments, cause some readers appreciate the theme of ordinary joe transformed into alpha sex god fantasy. I do.

Yes, it has all the clichés and people might criticize it as unrealistic. But then again, so are magic rings and instantaneous transformations. So 13 inches might be unrealistic in the real world, but clearly not in a erotic fantasy. In the real world, beautiful women like Kayla don't lose their self esteem to a man's junk, fall to their knees and pledge allegiance to it. But in an erotic fantasy with magical forces at work, it really would be silly, in my opinion, if she did so for a ordinary 6 or 7 inches.

Conclusion. The story is hot. I enjoyed the over the top size, dominance, and display of sexual power of the hero. The sex was well written and usually detailed for such an extraordinary fantasy situation. Kudos for the near worship like verbal praise Kayla gave Tom's junk, very hot. I would love more verbiage like that from multiple women.

Again, more and more often. Bump.

Sequel Please! Did they close the door, will one of her female roommates come in to drop off her dress that was left in the living room, finding them both naked on top of Kayla's bed and wake them up with a dream of a threesome between Tom, Kayla and her roommate? Also, Tom has yet to take Kayla's ass and she did pledge to him all of her holes.

from him uncle he never knew he had.

what put me off more than anything else was the transformation. a shy, immature, inexperienced 2nd year student at Uni to a powerful and dominating stud. she was changed into a sex goddess who was an insecure "slut"

You cannot get more over the top than;

"The fact that this Greek god, this paragon of masculinity felt that she was beautiful, the fact that he felt that she was worthy of being blessed by his divine manhood made her feel incredibly feminine."

really? you must be kidding!

sorry, but the typos and grammatical errors were way too distracting. there was almost no story. there were no details. we had no idea who these people were.

and windows have shutters, people shudder.

the concept was good. there was potential. just not enough follow through.

but you really need the help of a proof reader.

You folks who bring up these 13 inch dicks should get a grip. Try taking a 12 inch ruler, sliding a couple of Coke cans on it. Then place it down by your crotch to see what a 12" coke looks like. Even if your story is fantasy or a farce, you shouldn't go off into the ridiculous.

Please proof read your work.

Dreadful.

Hey, goodquestion, it's a really good story, keep it up man. I vote for more sequels to this story. For the rest of the comments, this is just FANTASY, ok? So if you don't like it, then I don't know what you're doing here. Go read some children's book or watch t.v. or go out. FANTASY FANTASY FANTASY!!!!!!

Keep it up.

Try not to over state so much

There are free reader programs on line. Copy your story to one and listen to it. You will pick up many of your errors.

All and all, it was a good read. Thanks

Can't wait to see how things progress. He's in a college town he should have his Pick of Women . it will also be able to see how the Men react to him. as he takes their women for his Pleasure.

Those of you who are critical of plot points and measurements...what part of "magic ring" has left you confused? This was a perfectly enjoyable wish-fulfillment fantasy, not a documentary on penis sizes. I hope there will be more of this sort of thing from the author.

Really enjoyed it, hope there is more to come!

Don't be put off by any negative comments, it's your story, tell it however you like!

I love your story, hope you'll keep going for as long as possible.

Anyone has similar story, it would be interesting to share stories with similar plot in the comment. Thanks

While it is the authors fantasy to write about the huge cock this guy gets I think the biggest and unspoken issue about this in Mind Control is "why is this needed?" Sure magic ring has been done before but the real disconnect not just in this story but a lot of the stories in this section just beg the question, if you have mond control powers to make people do what you want, why do you need a big cock or ripped abs? The implication is the majority of protagonists are usually skinny or fat nerds that can't get laid because of appearance or confidence so why do they need both looks and mind control? It is unnecessary and takes away from the MC aspect. I don't think the comments about 13 inches are out of line and the author doesn't need to be defended as of course that is what they are into but a person does need to be conscious of their audience and not mixing too many story types together.

I will end with I will read the next chapter and suggest to focus more on the MC and less on his size but that's totally up to you.

I saw the first comments about cock size and I agree that the exaggerated cocks sizes are juvenile, but lets be reasonable.

Very few stories of this genre are realistic. I said very few, but my mind wanted me to type NONE.

Ditto with the first female being perfect. I've been in quite a few coffee shops and seen quite a few desirable women in them. Never have I seen a perfect woman in them.

Never seen a perfect woman anywhere. I actually wondered if the ring was going to wear off and the woman would be normal. These are fantasy stories.

I was surprised and happy to see comments here saying much the same thing. Congratulations Question.

I'm not big fan of over exaggerated body part size either. But there are lot of genres and plot devices that I don't like. That said, if that part of Goodquestion's thing, so be it. If I come across that doesn't agree with me will attempt push past it. If I can't, I stop reading.

I think you should continue writing what you like.

Shame on you! My husband has a very average penis and it gave me three wonderful children. Despite my assurances that he is quite capable as a man, he still feels insecure about his size.

I am convinced that it is stories like yours that make my husband and many other good men feel inadequate. My husband works hard for me and his kids, he doesn't need to read fantasies that make him feel like other men can have women at their beck and call because of their penises.

You're stomping on all sorts of grammatical rules and etiquette. My advice is to seek help from one of the volunteer editors.

I am confused by the somewhat negative comments. This is a wonderful story and Kayla is a giving slut. I am not sure what these naysayers are looking for.

My perfect type of story, absolutely love it.

sorry while you love your husband and his avarage cock that is the way it is with most women they see a giant cock and they will just about do any thing for that man it is a sad truth but the truth none the less

great start i hope you finish the story and are not like so many of the so called authors on this site that start a great story and then just as they get you good and in to the story quit writing it and while there were a few grmatical errors it was nothing that took away from the story the only thing that i would have done if i was him is i would have cum in side her to claim her it should not be wasted on out side of a slaves body it goes in one of there opeings weither ass, pussy or mouth

Good start! Looking forward to more.

To LoneWolfAlpha — don't be silly. There are lots of women with lots of different opinions re: cock. Some love big cock, some prefer smaller dudes or can't even comfortably have sex with really hung guys, some don't really care that much.

Talk to some female friends who you don't have romantic history with and you'll find that — surprise — different people have different opinions. No issues with you fantasizing about whatever you want to fantasize about, but real human sexuality is a pretty varied thing.

I think guys in general are much more into big dick than gals are, although there are exceptions.

Kinda agree with you. However here is my opinion, some women are size queens and jump from one to the next. That having been said, some are the type that size matters only so long as it isn't way below average. Don't forget that the biggest sex organ is the part sitting between your ears. Like most I'm sure that when in HS in the locker rooms we've noticed guys above average and most being average. So, if all women just want to jump like big bird then our species would be doomed! Yes, like I said before there are those who want the monster dicks, however they are the exception not the rule. I even saw a few reports where most women stated that all they got from those monsters was pain as opposed to pleasure. So make of it what you wish to. As with everything else in life everyone has their own preferences. Yes women will stretch out, I mean come on they are built to pass a baby out through that hole, however getting their cervix pounded from what I'm told is painful to say the least!

Good day to all

In one of the master control program stories the guy basically kept his average size, but placed a command that every woman he was with would see his average size and think that it is the biggest one that they have ever seen and the woman thinks that it is just big enough that they feel it to be just short of painfull.that they are stretched just short of their limits. Whoever thought that one up was just short of genius as this way they think that it is huge for them and nobody the wiser.

Thanks for the offering.

With that kind of power all he could think of was his dick? How many rich guys have big dicks, not very many I'd bet.

Success is sexy and success attracts people and you can pick and choose who you and what you want.

Oooh! I have this new unlimited power all I can think of is how big do it want my dick to be?

Not what will make me successful a person: a. Successful writer, architect, computer engineering, builder, banker, whatever but, not I just want a bigger dick.

Dumb, think this stupid story over. A No vote is low enough. Only horny dummies who think with their sex parts like dumb stories like this one.

his uncles lawyer. The two of them had agreed to meet as his uncles apartment at 6:30 pm, - He found his uncles apartment building - Tom made his way up, his uncles apartment being on the fourth floor - Tom knocked on the door, hoping that his uncles lawyer was inside.

Would you like to buy an apostrophe?

I hope this not the end of it.

That ring not only gave him a good body and a big dick but he went from a shy guy to an accomplished lover too! Amazing! Too bad it didn't give him some common sense, because the ring also made him into an asshole! Oh and by the way, I know Tom could type really fast but apparently not without making many spelling mistakes. Get an editor!

Seriously.

It is bad enough in the other genres...but in a mind control story?

Make the person like/love\lust a real person!

SO unoriginal in a genre where anything should be possible!

Also, editing is a skill...make friends with somebody that has it.

In case it isn't obvious, that was sarcasm right there... I could go on and start flaming your work but I am no writer myself. I am an avid reader and hence can safely say the the story was quite disappointing. I realize that this a website for creativity and imagination, and so anything is possible. That doesn't mean that you can exaggerate to to proportions that they are glaringly obvious. Try to tone down more in you future stories. Sudden changes to body similar to the movie Spiderman while fun can be disastrous when written like you have with such obvious grammatical errors. The plot had so much potential! Mildly sinister ring(he could not remove it) with some ancient history, archeological touches, a good diversity in powers and uses, potential problems, unwanted attentions etc., so much more could have been done and yet you change a greasy thin shy bean-pole into muscular arrogant sex-god jock with 13 inch monster! That is a bit too wild for us readers to digest! You have the potential to do so much better and I hope to see it come to fruition.

J. Jamie Dupane

All preceding comments are unecessarily harsh, showing egocentric lack of empathy, and agression toward a writer who may be still learning the trade. I thought the sex was pretty hot and exaggeration is usual in fantasy. I hope you haven't discouraged him with your petty cruelty...

I liked your story, although it didn’t read much like mind control story. From a fetish point of view, I would have enjoyed more obedience from the lady. But hey, you wrote what you like.

From a writing point of view, it came off as a little clunky. Not enough of a transition between paragraphs, maybe. Some of the word choice was also a bit repetitive, but not bad.

In general - still good! I enjoyed reading this, and thank you for writing it!

I liked the way the author gave us a peek inside the mind of the controlled party.

Good story - an excellent example of the trope. But get an editor. The grammatical mistakes were worse than any writing errors.

I think your on drugs - a 13 inch cock, do all males in the U.S make out Americans have massive cocks. ( fantasy & delusional ) mental illness, 90% of story's on here mainly seem to have guys with 9 or 10 inches, dream on - dream on, the average is around 6 to 7 & a half so I've been told by lady friends, & 9 or 10 inches are considered massive & rare.. Bull shitting unbelievable size involved in your story,

I suppose you believe all black guys are hung like a horse as well... LOL HaHa

any race or skin coloured guys can be small, medium, or on the large size. But your sizing is nuts, do you need your eyes testing or need a real tape or ruler.

The dialogue, from the moment he returns to the diner, is fucking terrible. Like it goes from kind of okay, normal even, to bad porno script in an instant.

Well it is a fun, cheesy 'b' movie type story, hehe, yeah, complain about the guy's 13" dick, but hey, he got it from a magic ring, and magically the girls he fucks with it dont feel any pain and can take it all! Rofl.

Average dick size is 5-6", and world wide the average guy, according to supposed studies, lasts from 3 to 7 minutes!

That blew my mind, because I can, usually, fuck as long as I want without cumming. Hell, sometimes I just can't cum and call it a day because my girl is getting sore.

(Her girlfriends don't want to hear about her 'problem' hehe)

My only bitch, well ok two, was the dude fucking her all that time only to pull out and cum?! Wtf?? No WAY I'd be pulling out! New super bod, super cock, super attraction, I want to super cum past her super cervix in that super tight pussy, hehehe! ...the other, though minor, why would I waste time having her suck my cock when I could be fucking that sweet pussy?? Lol.

Oh well, enjoyed the chapter tho, thanks!!

terrible dialog. Cheezy even for an idiot asshole character

Loved this story. Don't let critiques overpower your passion. Keep doing what you want while learning. Sometimes you just need a story.And it doesn't need to be a realistic one. Loved it

... then by page three it turned to shit.

Seriously, who finds this erotic? If it weren’t for the author changing his IP address and voting for himself a dozen or so times this would be a 2.1 story.

"She's looks fucking incredible"

He walked up to the cash register to paid...

AND THAT'S WHERE I BAILED!

You lost me at thirteen inches, oh please grow up and post this as an adolescent submission. That way the adults can pass it by. I am going to leave before you beat up the Incredible Hulk for looking at your girl.

because they ALWAYS give their characters unrealistically huge ones.

Oh and just so you know; a person "shudders" yet puts "shutters" on the outside of his house...

I thought you had the makings of a good story with the magic ring angle BUT I too agree with all the other negative comments, you really fucked this story up big time. Unfortunately for me I actually finished the story. A lucky ⭐️⭐️

Had makings of good story, somehow, lost it...

Awesome story!!! Very well done, but you need an editor for the future...

That didn’t take long. Went from not getting a second glance to treating girl like shit. Yeah she acted like bitch to start but doesn’t mean dude has to act that way. What is it that makes you aroused by talking shit to girl? Having ring power and some control over ladies would be interesting story but the put downs take away from the rest of story. Maybe that is a point to this story. The ring gave him new body and power but makes him an asshole. Since it doesn’t look like that is the way the story goes I won’t keep reading. Hope it gets better.

Thought it was a lot of fun. Is it Shakespeare? No. But it's hot with good descriptions of hot sex. Same type of stuff I try to write. Keep writing!

Some of you really give erotica a deep analysis like it’s real life

Just wish this had a few more chapters!

Good read, although I'm not a huge fan of MC going from average joe to cocky douche. You can enjoy the power, and the girl, without being an ass.

Good read.

Kinda infantile. Like written bully a bullied nerd with revenge fantasies..

I was hoping it would end with the revelation that the girl had recently inherited a gift from her deceased aunt.

Or, in Appalachia, from the same uncle.

A great storyline, unfortunately the abysmal vocabulary and grammar detract from what should have been a great read. This work needs proofreading and serious editing.

Great start to what promises to be a great series. I look forward to reading more. I appreciate your and your Muse's imagination and abilities to bring it to your story. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents.

Great story, but lacking punctuation that would have made it even better.

Uncle's

So far, the ring has just turned him into an egotistical arrogant asshole. I guess that any bit of power can corrupt the weak minded person. 4 stars, although learn the difference between " spurn him on and spur him on" . Also, the difference between shutter and shudder. I am only guessing that English is not your first language.

What a juvenile fantasy

I gave this lousy story 2 stars. That may be too many. This is the result of giving 12 year old teenagers a computer. Unbelievable drivel.

He quickly turned into a bit of an arrogant prick. With an unrealistically large cock, of course, as is the silly teenage virgin fantasy. Most woman wouldn't be able to take in such a cock and it would only cause them incredible pain to do so. Kayla must be a rare find indeed if she can accept that entire thing without convulsing in agony. Anyway, I'll read the rest of it since it's relatively short, but I'm hoping this isn't just the usual crap, despite the fact that it appears to be. Benefit of the doubt and all that.

I have to agree with other commenters here. The story showed promise until you gave him 13 inches and made him into an arrogant ass.

Agreed. Interesting premise turned into 13-inch Adonis-worshiping drek. Disappointing.

Sex makes me hungry, but not with the power of the ring. He promised her dinner, but instead ordered her to strip and get ready for sex, which wasn't an appetizer, it turned out to be two days rations because he never gave her anything to eat after that for the next two days except several quarts of cum. He must have it stockpiled in a backpak thermos to keep it fresh.

I too agree that a 13 inch dick is absurd, and when he shoves 10 inch in her and feels that he had filled her fully, how does he force another 3 inches in her without doing her serious injury? It's a reasonably good beginning (we have to see if the rest of the story keeps up), but I have a few issues: Nordic characters on an ancient wooden box from a village in the HIMALAYAS? Seriously? The Himalayas are not the Alps, sir. I also find that you mistake spur for spurn. Spur means to egg on, spurn means to reject. Both quite different, aren't they? 4 stars