Spite

You Know

That was a totally original and unique tale. It had almost everything in it and it was well thought out. I give you five stars. One thing though. If I found out my best friend was fucking my mother I would go ballistic, but you never gave Brendon's feelings on the subject. Luckily it took nothing away from the tale. Good read.

Nice Try

This was not bad at all but it fluctuated between humour and a morality tale and ended up a jumble. Probably better to settle on one or the other.

Suspension of disbelief

only goes so far, man. I read this thing, and all I could think was: "Link" heard so many arguments between his parents, so he had to have heard his mother mention the blonde girl at least once. It really never occurred to him to say anything about Tracy, ever? He really had his head so far up his own ass(or so much blood in his pecker)that he couldn't put two and two together to get four?

And don't give me that "because teenager" horseshit. No one who actually cared could've been that damn oblivious. But even if he was, that still doesn't explain why is there never any mention at all of the FACT that what happened is all his fault. Even after the fact, he never acknowledges his part in the whole disaster. It was both his actions and inaction that directly led to the tanking of his parents' marriage and their eventual brutal deaths, and he just goes on with his happy ending, acting like things happened on their own, or it was entirely his parents' fault for being so spiteful. Sorry, not buying it. Yes, they both chose to take things to that level, and should be held responsible for those choices. But "Link" had the power to do something about it well before it all imploded, and he didn't. And for that he's the single biggest piece of shit in this story.

2 stars from me. The writing is decent, but the content is garbage. One of the dumbest things I've read in recent memory, as far as stories are concerned.

HeWhoGoesThere said it all...

...

Agree with HeWhoGoesThere

Our boy "hero" could have stopped the entire parental conflict had he simply explained that his girlfriend dyed her hair, and had he confessed to his parents he had sex with her in the guest room. The 20 year age difference between him and his friend's mom is also a big stretch. Besides sex, they have nothing in common, and throwing a baby into the mix (with a clearly immature father) is a recipe for disaster. Our young hero will be cheating on his (literally) old lady sooner rather than later. Two stars.

An admittedly well written story that was just off...

... Everything, starting with the point of view, was all wrong. As a reader has already commented, suspension of disbelief is one thing but total disregard for any logical or rational thought is quite another. By the way, "HeWhoGoesThere", that is probably a top ten all-time comment which, unfortunately, was more thought out than the story.

dumb

i like most of your work, but this wasnt for me at all.

Not all of it made sense but I do appreciate the unique qualities about it. But honestly, if the kid manned up and said that the guest room was the way it was found by Joy because he had just fucked Tracy none of this would have happened.

Highly original

One of the most original stories on the site; I get tired of the same ole BTB or reconcile at any cost stories. This was about as different as a story could be. I guess from the numerical rating and some of the comments that others don't agree with me, but who gives a shit. I loved it! 5*

Generally, I appreciate your efforts, but . . . .

But this one was very tough to read. Proof-reading would have helped, and getting some constructive outside criticism might have helped. It seemed to be all over the place - difficult to follow logically.

Ugh

1. None of this kid's reactions or attitudes are within a light year of a child who is watching his parents fight and scream at one another.

2. When he finally hears his mom's claims about a blonde leaving the house, he never registers/speaks up about the implication? I understand that you needed this to happen for the story to continue to where you wanted it to go, but it's a bit like that character in Force Awakens saying "oh, I have Luke Skywalker's lightsaber because the story says so. Don't ask me explain." It's the worst kind of "I want to tell A, B, and Z of my story and gloss over how Z ever managed to happen" storytelling. His natural next step is to say something (one of many points he should be saying SOMETHING), but instead meanders off.

3. These people don't feel like his parents. They feel like people he sort of knows. They might as well live next door, and only come outside on weekends, for how little he has to do with their lives (and they his). Heck, in reflecting upon their death and burial, he's using first names. There's no sense of emotional investment or worth shown between any characters, which is a huge problem when the story is told specifically from just his point of view. The only people who exhibit real emotions about each other are his parents, who are the central dramatic centerpiece but are relegated to the sidelines much of the time. Speaking of...

4. Because he was mostly just there to talk about a collapsing marriage he was barely involved in, and which didn't seem to do more than vaguely bother him, none of the sex in the story felt like it was actually a part of the story. It was "Here are some things my parents did after that. Alright, sex break. Now, where were we?" It felt weightless, irrelevant, and like an interruption of the drama. For the first time in my life, Infound myself thinking "oh, no. Not more sex."

5. It all comes down to this: tell less of a story, but tell us more ABOUT it. Don't say "then they fought again. Here is a brief overview of what they were on about this time." Write the fight. Write the dialog. All those things you have to explain to us afterwards? Write them into the fight instead. Write the discomfort and avoidance he should exhibit around his mother after listening to her screw around. Write her frustration at seeing him pull away. Don't write about how well he's doing at football this season. Don't write about football at all, unless football will be a part of the main plot or has something to add to the central drama. More absurd storylines than this have felt gripping and believable within the author's writing, because of the way dialog and description were used (Dig Two Graves comes to mind).

While I appreciate the imagination, this was just sick.

Falling into wood chippers, getting eaten by sharks or getting buried alive. All nightmarish scenarios. It did feel strange that Linc never understood how his fucking his girlfriend started the whole mess. There were several opportunities for him to save his parents. At the end, to have a guy drop his football scholarship and stop playing a game that had consumed his time for years also felt wrong. He gave football up for a woman 20 years his senior and his best friends Mother? What happened to his friend? You ignored that bit of fallout. Another error - If the divers were in the tank, why weren't the sharks after them long before Rich and Joy fell into the water? Too many mistakes and oversights and a really disgusting ending left this story with nothing good about it.

Blonde

And his father saw the blonde Tracy and knew she left NEAR the time his wife got home (I think it was a little over half an hour later than he thought) and he didn't even THINK to tell his wife that she may have seen Tracy, at least cool her off a bit till they can check with Tracy what time she left?

And even given people as irresponsible as those producers, having controllers that can continue to operate after a safety cut-off switch is thrown is inconceivable!

*

Yep, original. And FUCKING HORRIBLE!!! The characters, the plot, the ending, everything!!! TheUnoriginalist pretty much said it all.

Avoid. 1/5

Two people are violently killed on a TV show

and the TV Company pay off the kids to keep it quiet????

Only in the USA (if there)!

In a real country there would be H&S officials and legal bodies galore swarming all over the place.

I agree with the majority: a big miss from a good writer.

WOW!?

This story can't be anything but fiction. Shark tank? Fucking like minks? Holy sh*t!
Well written, even if it is so far out in left field it'll never return.

Phenomenal--straight to favorites.

Great story. The relationship between Link and Alicia is lovely. May they live happily ever after. Alicia's attorney rocks--I'm so glad that she made sure Link and Brit made out well financially, so that a good thing (e.g., Brit's non-profit) could come from bad.

Joy and Rich had been trying to destroy each other before the show, by fucking everyone in sight, so their eventual fate is one of those "karma is a bitch" moments.

The only thing I would have liked a little more of was the fallout between Link and Tracy, as well as maybe what Brendon's take was when he found out that Link was banging his Mom. Evidently he was okay with it, but some deeper impressions would have been cool. Those are totally minor quibbles.

This is one of the best stories I've read. The writing is splendid too. You use such creative metaphors that your prose is a joy to read. I wish it were possible to give this one more than five stars. This is brilliant, creative, and engaging. Nicely done.

1ST time...

1ST time I don't comment or rate...I didn't know that jaws is now a reality show...

I'm Not the Brightest

But even as a freshman in HS, I could put facts together and draw a conclusion.
The fact it took Linc some months to figure out the impetus to his parents spiteful behavior was upsetting. Then again, with today's educational system (indoctrination system), it really isn't surprising that most people cannot think critically, particularly our youth.

Overall the story was written well and was mostly engaging. But the moment the Linc and Tracy separated to leave his house, I knew only bad could happen. That whole sequence didn't make sense, unless you look at it from the perspective Linc and Tracy were nothing more to each other than F-buddies. I was also disturbed that two long time mates would suddenly become like rabid dogs with each other - and anyone around them. Lastly, a pool full of sharks?! Really?! Why not an acid bath?

Thanks for the story and please keep writing!

*

I agree with everything HeWhoGoesThere and Vulcan_In _Ohio has written.

I can agree over the top

I can agree it was over the top. Ok I will say it jumped the Sharks. The story yes it is a fiction story was well written, decent characters and an over the top storyline. Well worth time to read and entertaining. I give it 4 stars.
Please keep writing and I will keep reading.

A fun read...

But of course, like most fun reads, it depends on the characters being seriously stupid people, starting with Rich, who knows that Link and Tracy were together in the house AND that Tracy is now a blonde, but can't put two and two together when Joy accuses him of cheating in the house with a blonde who just left.

Started off interestingly enough, but then quickly deteriorated. Not my cup of tea. Thanks for the effort.