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English
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I would really appreciate to hear any feedback by you, the readers. Thank you in advance, and I hope that you liked the story, it is in fact the first piece of erotica I ever wrote and is several years old. I'm now working on new pieces. You will see better workmanship from me in the future, as this was just a writing exercise I did one day and a friend of mine editted for me. Thanks everyone.
-Tolyk
A full spread of cheese!
Hello everyone,
This sotry was so bad it's great! So stereotypical, transparent, just like an 80's porn flick. I loved it!
When I first read it (long before it made it here), I thought it was so corny that it was funny. That hasnt' changed. At least it gets down to the point, without being poorly written porn-without-plot (PWP) that most erotic fiction/fan faction just can't seem to get themselves away from.
Can't wait to see more.
-Warbuilder
not bad Tolyk
I liked it but I could tell it was written by a man. No offense but not too many women like for men to jump right in and start pumping. We want foreplay. Lots of it. And I think you shouldv'e made a point of mentioning that Jim put on a condom really quickly.
Outside of that, not bad at all, it got me steaming...I am gonna go take a bath right now, and put some new batteries in my vibe.
Mizzbee, California
Well i liked it
I agree that it did lack forplay but as a women I do find it fun to just get down to business every once in a while it makes it a bit more basic and animal. It floats my boat anyway.
Very good
I found it very good and in fact I know a few females who have gone straight into the pumping and forgot the fore play
Mm Mmm Mmmmmm
Now ya just gotta love a good shower scene!!!
Steamy little tale there tolyk!! ;-)
Showers
I do love a good shower scene!! Good sexy fun read!!
~Honey
It was too fast but....
When you are in the mood, you are in the mood!! I enjoy reading about foreplay as well...how about in your next offering?
First piece...nice
I do agree that it moved a little too fast, and didn't have nearly enough build up, but from reading your own comment I understand completely. Good job for a first piece, can't wait to see what you come up with now. ~Minx
Good Start
Good story, but it went a little too fast and easy for me. Keep writing.
My God - I'm going to take up running again!
Nice little quick piece about a quick piece - here's hoping Sam does trip over Jim again
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