All Comments on 'Phylicia's Arch Rival'

Hey Anonymous! It's not Hemmingway but then I don't see your name on the New York "Best Sellers List" either. Remember, we're supposed to be amateur. I kind of liked it.

Very nice build in your story, and I enjoyed it very much.

If I might wish, I would have liked the sex to last longer, and the story to continue longer. I like your writing style, and would encourage you to keep at it.

the next part will probably get a five and thats only because thats as high as it goes

Great begining. You need to keep it going! PLEASE!

hot sex and better writing than most. the character motivations seem a little too vague to be truly compelling to the reader. high school rivalry is probably a fetish genre somewhere. all in all, a nice attempt deserving of more work and chapters.

I know it's short. I submitted my next one and it's even a little shorter. It's just a problem I have where I always think that I'm boring the reader so I move on too quickly to something different or a different scene. I'll try to make the third one more 'story' based. :D

I like your writing style, but everything needs to be more fully developed. Don't worry about boring the reader. You're not! The reader wants you to build up the suspense, the sense of anticipation. Longer seduction, longer sex scenes.

a very nice beginning to what can become an excellent story. i want mor e from this very talented writer. thank you for sharing.

Nice story, hot. It got me wet, too. I didn't like it that Phylicia left before Audrey woke up. That is being a rude guest. I would have had Phylicia go down on Audrey to awaken her.

Nice story, hot. It got me wet, too. I didn't like it that Phylicia left before Audrey woke up. That is being a rude guest. I would have had Phylicia go down on Audrey to awaken her.