This story is poor on so many levels that mentioning them all would take more time than I'm willing to spend. Get some editorial assistance or stop writing. Those are really your only choices. *
Try not to rush your writing. Let the story build at its own pace. People are more than height and name. No idea what the game is that they played, even after it was played. I could read all the story but jumped in and out. You need an editor for guidance in your writing. The story had the style of plot typical here. Could not understand even why they took the sister since they wanted to try gay sex with each other and only needed girl for ???. But they gangbanged her first, confusing at best.
What gorgeous young woman finds it hard to find a guy to bang her, sounds silly.
Please at least read your story before submitting.
angel ...
you have a good story line. there are some real possibilities here.
you do, however, need to get someone to read over your stuff before you post it.
there are lots of grammer errors, lots of places where the wrong word is used.
another commentor said "don't hurry the process". that person is spot on.
NEVER post your writing as soon as you finish it . ... let it set overnight, read it the next day, see if it still flows. ... read it out loud. you will catch things you didn't catch before. ... THEN, get somebody else to read it.
if you are happy at that point ... POST IT !
don't give up ... there is the beginning of some good stuff there.
the tail gunner ... AKA levi coldwater
English
It's just an outline....
Shallow characters. Not enough description of feelings - only an outline of action...
It needs to be expanded to three times it's current size.
Not very good
This story is poor on so many levels that mentioning them all would take more time than I'm willing to spend. Get some editorial assistance or stop writing. Those are really your only choices. *
Take time
Try not to rush your writing. Let the story build at its own pace. People are more than height and name. No idea what the game is that they played, even after it was played. I could read all the story but jumped in and out. You need an editor for guidance in your writing. The story had the style of plot typical here. Could not understand even why they took the sister since they wanted to try gay sex with each other and only needed girl for ???. But they gangbanged her first, confusing at best.
What gorgeous young woman finds it hard to find a guy to bang her, sounds silly.
Please at least read your story before submitting.
Gay
Shit a total turn off
a beta reader ... an editor
angel ...
you have a good story line. there are some real possibilities here.
you do, however, need to get someone to read over your stuff before you post it.
there are lots of grammer errors, lots of places where the wrong word is used.
another commentor said "don't hurry the process". that person is spot on.
NEVER post your writing as soon as you finish it . ... let it set overnight, read it the next day, see if it still flows. ... read it out loud. you will catch things you didn't catch before. ... THEN, get somebody else to read it.
if you are happy at that point ... POST IT !
don't give up ... there is the beginning of some good stuff there.
the tail gunner ... AKA levi coldwater
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