Three Square Meals Ch. 10

Once again....

Well done!

great reading

Good sexy sci-fi. Can't wait to read more.

Wished it was longer…lol. Looking forward to next chapter.

Next!

And why is chapter 11 not up yet? lol. Can't wait for the next

What?

Calara jumping back and forth between her tactical station and the loading bay to dish out a little rifle fire kinda prompted a double take for me.

But great fun non the less.

That was another error Terry, Calara was up on the bridge the entire fight, that should have been Alyssa.

I noticed that mistake when I resubmitted the story with the other correction, but thanks for flagging it up. You lot have eyes like hawks!

Glad everyone is enjoying the story, Chapter 11 has been submitted, will be up in a day or so I'd guess.

I'm loving this

Karron reminds me a bit of Omega in ME - if you've played the game. Not quite as big and important, but all the seedy undertones are there. Shame all John has to deal with are some worthless, deluded wanna-be, such as Seb. If John were to deal with someone much more imposing and capable, like the Queen of Omega, now that could be much more delicious, even if there was no sex in the end. Of course, what I'm saying here is just an observation for your future reference and/or one of many options you might have.

Because, really, you have so much options here with this story. Maybe it's too much to hope for, but you can really make something big out of it if you're up to it. Having John and his *cough* crew make a name and profit for themselves throughout the free and dangerous regions of border worlds and independent star clusters seems like a promising prospect. From a reader's point of view, it actually is much more interesting to read something like that. Captain Kirk might be loved by all, but it's men like Riddick that people are really fascinated by.

So. I liked the Mexican standoff. The whole scene played out nicely, especially since these things are hard to write. Now, I'll advise you to take a bit more time to develop the female characters properly. We know John, and Alyssa has been around for a while, so the character depictions of her and John were done the most extensively. Calara was less so unfortunately, and there was not a lot of time, and Sparks has just appeared. So I think that it'd be wise for you to take a bit of time and flesh out the non-sex dynamics of these people. I know we all love these quick updates, but now that you're doing this good, people will appreciate quality too, you know :)

That's about it. The character development and pacing of that development is what you should pay just a bit of attention to - nothing big. Just pace it so it doesn't run away from you - you know?

That's it from me. For now :)

Less sex more story

The sounds and dialogue you use for the sex scenes are repeated quite often, the dialogue a bit awkward, but otherwise a decent story. I look forward to the adventures and mishaps they run into. A reveal of Johns parentage should be in the works. Of course some mechanics were overlooked, a firefight should have brought port authorities... And leaving dead bodies in hangars should have required the Invictus to stay a couple of days to clear up the mess.

Thanks for the feedback on the sex scenes, I'll try and vary it up a bit. I haven't forgotten John's mysterious past, its something I might reveal eventually. ;)

I'll explain my reasoning on the other points you raised.

Regarding the fight mechanics:
It's a dive of a mining colony on the extreme edge of Terran space. There isn't much law there and what there is consists of a handful of rentacop equivalents. In a gang shootout, they are just going to keep their heads down and not get involved until the smoke clears.

"I better speak to the Star port authorities and explain the carnage in the Loading bay"

John is Commander rank special ops. "Explaining the carnage" meant:
It was legitimate use of force in self-defence, please clean up the mess. My rank means I'm not to be questioned and no detention Is necessary.

It didn't seem like an interesting conversation though, so I skipped over it to focus on the girls interacting together on the bridge.

Edited version now up!

Hey everyone.

My edited version is now up and has corrected a couple of errors I made with incorrect character names in my first draft. Thank you everyone who pointed them out!

I have deleted a couple of comments that referred to one of the names, so apologies for doing that. I never normally delete feedback but this naming mistake accidentally spoiled a minor plot point later on in the story, so I've removed all references to it for the sake of any new readers who are also looking at the comments.

With so many people commenting that they want less sex in the story, I just wanted to say that I like the amount of sex the way it is.

Just catching up on this story and there are some glaring issues. First is the fact that the authorities never even showed up to see what all the shooting and laser fire was about in the loading bay. I know this is a mining asteroid, but there has to be some form of government and authority and there were guards at the entrance they checking in at. Second is the "assumption" that the mine owner had crawled off the ship. Clearly he is still on board and going to cause trouble, but John is not the kind of skipper to just make this kind of mistake.

In response to anon

Hey, thanks for leaving the comment.

I addressed the rentacops keeping their heads down in a comment earlier, but in case you missed it, here's a more detailed explanation. They are on the extreme edge of Terran Federation space, a months travel time from the core worlds and a good few weeks away from Port Heracles, which is the last sector starbase in this direction.

Karron is run by the mine owners and the street gangs. What passes for a police presence runs the starport, but they keep their heads down and don't get involved with gang on gang violence.

Seb had his hand shot off, so there was a lot of blood, and a trail of it led out of the docking bay...

keep on

love it love it love it
nit pickers go home you should be 18 or older sex is sex im 71 and really enjoy story
hope it keeps on

paps

Best chapter so far

Tefler,
I found this the best chapter so far. It had more action, I enjoyed the Sci-Fi parts. John is pragmatic, so the mind reading reveal worked.
Thanks for writing this

I Like the way you think,

Just finished chapter 10. Iike the way you think. You must have some Scottish genes in you...

The Space GOT Underway. 🚀

Enjoyed second-time read; better bedroom vs story action balance is great. The Game of Thrones ref may seem odd at this point in the story, but it is not as it progresses.

A classic

Ah, classic Sparks. Just love how she succinctly sums up the terms of enlistment to join the crew. She's a great character and I wish we could see more of her. Oh, wait! We do! There's another 57 (soon to be 58) chapters after this one!

Development of a good story

Tefler you have the right formula. It keeps getting better.