A Storm of Forbidden Passion

Well done

You've written a very good father/daughter incest tale. Background and buildup were adequate although the sex scene might have benefited from a bit more descriptive detail. Please consider some editing and proofreading assistance…you tend to jump tenses and grammar and misspelling issues took away somewhat from the story. ****

Nearly masterful

Involving nature was a rarely-used idea to match their sexual tempo. Great buildup to the act, and interesting alternation between lightning and him pounding her. The only thing missing? Describing his and her orgasm--that was the only detail missing in what's otherwise very well-written. Planning another installment? I hope so, as I'd like to read those details included and seeing how these things progress. 5.

Poor

Using the third person in a sexual senario is putting yourself behing the eight ball after you put the first word on the page. It is an impossibility to do justice, while sitting onthe sidelines, to what two other people are doing or feeling at any particular moment. Sorry, Bob

good story needs a little editing

Spring Break in Manila/Autumn storm. don't know what time of year Manila considers spring so it seems odd to have the storm described as Autumn. I assume the action takes place in the northern Hemisphere but manila is also in the Northern Hemisphere even though tropical. . . If your action is taking place in Australia or New Zealand it wouldn't hurt to give a reference some where.

@moyaroo, re: seasons in Manila

It's Northern Hemisphere, so the same seasons as Europe and USA, just wetter, hotter, stickier, and, with the Winter monsoon, more dangerous when Typhoons and tropical storms strike. It's dry and humid from November to April, then crazy wet the rest of the year; I noticed it seemed to rain every day about 3 pm, so I used to change into a swimsuit and stand under one of the rain-gutter overflows, and get a lovely cold, extended shower instead of the tepid shower from the hospital cold water system. The locals all thought I was mad, but the ground-water in parts of Manila is salt-contaminated and soap wouldn't lather properly.

Have not liked incest but oh my loved the preciousness. ... I am sooo turned on. If my step dad was here I would seduce him like crazy.....I am so wet on this story.

This is almost good.

".....her very first orgasm leaves her breathless"
No girl reaches that age without having had orgasms. Some of the dialogue is a bit naff and childish and there's just too much "Daddy" this and "Daddy" that for it to be credible.
Pity because otherwise it has a lot going for it.

Yes and no, good and bad.

I liked the story. That's the first, and imho the most important issue. It's hard to comment on others comments when they don't leave their names. So I'll just write and u sort it out.
It is absolutely not true that 18-year-old girls have all had orgasms. That would be an ideal world but many women are married and have children without ever having had a big "O." There are many cases of women not cumming until they are 40 or older. Sadly, true. On the other hand, I doubt a girl who had never had one would be screaming out it's impending onset. So I would change that.
I don't think 3rd person is impossible. I also think u r using present tense, not 3rd person. But I'm not a literary expert. I just know I find it easier to write in the past, "He fucked her intensely," rather than present, "He fucks her quickly and she moans..."
I would like a little geography as well. Just to connect better. England? Mexico? Japan?
Keep it up.
OneSilky

The ending though...

Excuisite. One of the best I've ever read. I loved every minute of it. The ending though, might be nice if you added a little more about their new relationship. How it's gonna be from now on. Other than that...absolutely loved it.