All Comments on 'Marriage of the Fae Ch. 01'

When do we get to the part where she slips his own dagger between his ribs and into his cold cruel heart...and gives it a twist for good measure?

That fairy prince is such an asshole. He did quite a 180 there at the end. Wasn't he supposed to be a virgin as well?

What a great first chapter! I'm already hooked ! These comments got me laughing. Hello? It's on a non consent section. Get out if it's not your cup of tea. Because it's definitely mine! Keep it's coming , this story is great and the characters too. I love that the prince is dominating . So hot !!! CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER

Sooooo good! Please continue! And ignore the haters, I've never understood why people complain about a noncon story being noncon. It's ridiculous. Anyway, very promising and I truly hope you continue. I love the power imbalance between the prince and Noelle. It's freakin hot.

This was definitely my cup of tea of as well!

As a woman in a tech field, I loved that she was a programmer. :)

Don't insult assholes now. But he is a fairy. He would rather not have married a woman - any woman. Sorry, just couldn't resist. But then again, if I did surmise correctly, that could mean...3way! Oh goody! Wait stop! Can they do that? Well technically it should be beneficial to the bond if he would allow her to sleep with somebody she actually likes every now and again, even if he has to have some body-part of his lodged into another orifice of hers at the same time. It should make her feel closer to him and stuff, like ingratiated bonding. See, all do-able. I'm just joking. Sorta.

I love this story. The victim isn't a puts, the villain is an...okay, opinionated asshole who makes me think of home-made weapons and it's a fairy-tale (with the option of a 3-way). I love the story too.

Please write more. And more. Evebroughtanaxthistime

Loved everything about this first chapter! Your story has an interesting concept, is well written, with good character description and believable conversations. (Just be sure to separate your dialogue.) Congrats on your first successful foray into literotica! I can't wait to read more!

Really enjoyed the first chapter- looking forward for more to come

I read the first paragraph three times because I liked it so much :D Great premise! Can't wait to see what happens next.

Loved your first chapter. Please continue!

You have a gift with words. Your narrative is spellbinding at times. Your vocabulary is rich and appropriate. Phrases like “I can almost hear the desk sighing as well under his considerable weight” are brilliant, marred only by the use of the word ‘sigh’ in the sentence immediately preceding this one. Also the phrase “I find my voice a few seconds late” illustrates the self-awareness Noelle exhibits as she struggles to cope with this impossible situation.

I applaud this very good start.

You also portray individuals’ feelings well. You describe body language superbly. You let the reader experience their feelings without telegraphing how the characters feel through bland narrative. Very well done.

I find the interpersonal descriptions lack emotional context. You seem to say ‘this happened’ and then ‘that happened’ without taking time to explore the gravity of the event. I would suggest in future chapters, slow the time frame down at key moments, and explore the interpersonal dynamics with greater sensitivity.

For example, after Noelle falls into the Elixir, and is unexpectedly bound to Rhys, there is an opportunity to explore how everyone feels. For example, might Siobhan not regard Noelle with a flash of jealous ‘other woman’ contempt before she breathes a sigh of relief? Rhys seems to hold a privileged social position – I would have expected an emotional tirade typical of a spoiled monarchist blessed with a life of entitlement – bombastic perhaps. As Rhys advances upon Noelle, I would have expected her to have initially mounted a spirited and visceral, albeit futile, verbal and physical struggle depicting her grave alarm at being subjugated to indefinite matrimonial servitude before she succumbs to the entangling energy of the Elixir.

Keep up the good work. I’d love to see more.

I wanted to thank everyone who has taken time to comment; it's greatly appreciated. The praise is wonderful and the critiques have been amazing in helping me think on what to improve. I will definitely be separating my quotations for easier reading, thank you to Anon who pointed this out. Deltablonde, I look forward to improving upon the emotional impact of important scenes in future chapters, so please stay tuned! ;)

Again, thank you all.

~ HibouBleuMD

I have to agree with the other comments, excellent first effort! However, I'm puzzled by your choice of category. It seems to me this story would more appropriately be placed in SciFi and Fantasy. I guess it's fortunate for me personally that you submitted it to NonCon/Rel though. I would likely never have discovered it otherwise! I wondering how you'll stay true to the theme in this category however. This already falls heavily on the Reluctance side, not really much NonCon. If you plan on continuing a developing love between your main characters, it might be wise to shift categories though...

Very enjoyable first chapter. Please continue.

Engrossing from the first - richly gratifying read. Personally I love it in this category and feel that it is not only appropriate here but a wonderfully erotic fantasy of Non Consent! Well done --- and the only criticism (meant only jokingly) would be that it was too short. Loved the weave of the push and pull - and wanted MORE ...

Very well done - thanks for the story!

In this case, I'll make an exception. I loved this too much to stay quiet.

The characterization is exceptional! I especially like how you switch perspectives between Noelle and Rhys. It makes it easier to relate to and care about what happens to them. There are so many stories I've read on here that have the potential to be amazing, but the descriptions are either too scant or too detailed, not to mention a lack of describing the character's feelings and motivations! You give enough detail to be engaging, but refrain from going overboard. Such a rare find!

The themes you're working with are a personal favorite: nerdy girl crosses into another realm and finds herself enmeshed with a handsome otherworldly prince who intensely dislikes her and the feeling is mutual. For now. I enjoy fantasy and sci-fi immensely, but am often disappointed by the lack of relationships in such stories. When those do delve into relationships, the Hayes Code goes into effect. (The scene cuts off when things get hot and heavy, and pick up with the characters relaxing in bed or getting dressed. Not cool.) And typical romance stories tend to lack a fantastical element. So when my two favorites are as skillfully woven together as you have done, I'm very happy!

Well done! Please, please, write more. I want to know what happens next.

--Sae

The only problem I find is that I have to wait for more :(. I am most impatient. But you have talent., raw talent and you should try to write professionaly

What a great first chapter! I happen to adore both noncon and fairies, so I was thrilled.

I'd like to reiterate what a couple of people said. You definitely need to separate the dialogue as it is hard to work out who is speaking otherwise. Also, rather than having each character basically explain to the reader what they are thinking which you did particularly at the start of each jump of POV can I suggest you work on showing it, through the writing. And as someone else said focussing more on exploring the emotional reaction that some of these important events would undoubtedly have on the character would be great too.

I'm really enjoying this and look forward to the next chapter.

Oh and you've definitely got the right category here. If a major theme in the story is noncon which it obviously is, then this is the place for it. People over in sci fi or nonhuman often don't enjoy noncon and there's an enormous amount of fantasy and sci fi stuff in noncon, so this is the right spot.

I can't wait for more thanks for sharing with us!

I am completely ensnared by your story telling

I just read this and wanted to tell you how great it was, and didn't know how to. I've been reading stories on here for years but your story prompted me to discover the comments section!

I agree that some of the other comments had good insights into writing style, but I wouldn't change a thing. I found myself very emotionally invested in what happens to Noelle, and curious how she'll resolve what was happening outside of the faery realm. I can't wait to read more!

I just created a account (though ive been visiting this site for years ) to favorite your story so ill know when you update. That is how amazing your book is! I need you to update ASAP

I thought this was an amazing story. I really like Noelle and I think her voice is really well defined from the beginning. The writing in the first section is so good that I feel like the last scene, when she wakes up, feels really rushed. My suggestion is don't rush to the main event, take time to explore the bond and the new dynamic between the two of them. Noelle is such a character, I was hoping for more from her perspective about what she sees, feels and processes this beyond thinking about children's stories and tht it might be a fever dream. All in all I any wait for ch 2!

I truly enjoyed the first chapter, very intriguing. I can't wait to see how their journey unfolds. Thanks you for sharing.

Can't wait to read the next chapter!

I very much enjoyed this story - well written with an original and clever premise. I'm very much looking forward to seeing where the author takes this both as pure story and as potentially first class erotica.

I just spent way too much time tracking this story down so I could check for updates. Please continue, I think you have a fantastic start.

Have been constantly checking your page to see if there's any updates to this story, please put us out of our misery!

... and very well written. Please continue!

Wow such a great start. I love the concept and can't wait to see where you take this

You had me at Twenty One Pilots

|-/

Yaay I love it! Please make the next chapter😍😜😃 I'm really excited for it!

Hello everyone!

If you're still with me, I wanted to let you know that chapter 2 will be out by early next week. It's been submitted, and now is just pending approval.

Thank you for waiting!

~ HibouBleuMD

I Love this Story, please finish. Don't be like other authors, 2 or 3 chapters then you just stop.

Love the idea!

I like this story and have another chapter to read but I really hope she keeps fighting him and tell him off for raping her cause that's what he did just with magic involved

Incredibly good. Please continue!

I only wish that then”human” character was a better representative. She seems to lack self respect and a backbone

Your story is so well written. I picked up on a few familiar aspects from some of my favorite mainstream novels, but it was subtle, and well incorporated. Please keep writing. You have real talent.

I have been coming to this site for years now and this my first comment. I want to now relieve myself as desperately as I want to be her. I'm hooked! Don't stop writing you have a new fan!!!!

okay so he finds her disgusting as a mate and way low his status and still raped her

if i were him i wont even touch her if i find her that disgustingv let alone rape

he isnt sexually attracted to her so why would he rape her

also i thought noelle would be a brave badass chick but she turned out to be disgusting stuck up slut who dont even try fight her rapist

but still for your first time its plenty good hope it gets more intresting

Sarah J Maas would be proud

Very strong beginning!