- All
Comments (5) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
Excellent story. Like the way you developed it without it being too long. Punchy and sexy. Good job!
I love the mood of this story. Things really turn around for her. A night to remember.
Great story
My only critique is the sudden appearance of Jack near the end.
Bravo!
Have you been eavesdropping on my fantasies?
A few criticisms
At the beginning, Ivan is holding Mira's hands against the mattress, while running his hands over her curves. How many hands does Ivan have, anyway?
A minor criticism: you use the word "frantically" twice in two consecutive sentences.
How do you switch positions with Mira when you are tied to the bed?
And as someone else points out, someone named "Jack" magically appears in the middle of the action.
Other than those items, it was a fun fantasy. It might have been a more compelling story if there were more of a plot, for example if the characters had a little more hesitation and tension about jumping into a threesome.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Voyeuristic Valentine or
More submissions by Jessielle.