I don't read "gibberish", but it sure as hell looks like YOU do.
I hope, at a minimum, that English isn't your first language. Then, at least, you can use that as excuse for this abortion.
by
Anonymous02/13/16
nice
Now that was nice who is next Tom boss what do you have in mine for her maybe you both should do Tom boss who else would you love to do this with
by
Anonymous02/13/16
You need an editor
Decent story but it needs some serious editing. Way to many errors for this to be considered a quality effort. If you are to take the story further get some help.
And I think it will go far. I notice this is your first story on Literotica - Welcome! Please do not be discouraged by less than tactful comments. You have to take the good with the not so good. Judging by some of the errors in the story and how some sentences were composed, it seems English is not your first language and that's ok. It didn't take away from me enjoying the story. But to 1. Make it flow better and 2. minimize criticism, it would help to have someone proofread or edit your work. I look forward to your next story. Happy writing!
by
Anonymous02/13/16
Good first story
Very good story line and good use of the fantasy you are creating. Keep going, looking forward to next chapter.
A great premise and a nice plot. But, I would recommend the use of an editor on future submissions. The grammar mistakes and misspelling made for a difficult reading experience. Great potential for a nice series of stories, you have built some good characters. Let's see what kind of fun they can have once the husband is seduced as well.
by
Anonymous02/19/16
Pretty Much Unreadable
Godawful "writing". As bad as an instruction manual that's been translated from Chinese to English - by someone who has never spoken either language!
by
Anonymous02/25/16
Looking Forward
Good first story. Fuck the super critical comments. As if they are all perfect. Having an editor would take your stories up and away. I like the characters however again, they need foundation. So I don't feel like I'm looking in but can actually place myself in the room. I don't want 7 pages of novel followed by 1/2 page sex. Give me 2:1. That way, in my mind I'll both know the people and also join them in their climax' too. Thank you. Very good sex. Move on it, grow it, add more details.
I loved the story line and the details. All this bitching about grammar -- so get an editor or knowledgable friend to help with that. Most of the whiners can't write and don't have good ideas. Your ideas will carry the day. They are sexy and wonderful.
English
awesome
hope to hell you write a sequel very soon awesome story thanks
I don't read "gibberish", but it sure as hell looks like YOU do.
I hope, at a minimum, that English isn't your first language. Then, at least, you can use that as excuse for this abortion.
nice
Now that was nice who is next Tom boss what do you have in mine for her maybe you both should do Tom boss who else would you love to do this with
You need an editor
Decent story but it needs some serious editing. Way to many errors for this to be considered a quality effort. If you are to take the story further get some help.
i hope you continue this
would love to see this continue and watch her seduced by her husbands boss
This story has legs...
And I think it will go far. I notice this is your first story on Literotica - Welcome! Please do not be discouraged by less than tactful comments. You have to take the good with the not so good. Judging by some of the errors in the story and how some sentences were composed, it seems English is not your first language and that's ok. It didn't take away from me enjoying the story. But to 1. Make it flow better and 2. minimize criticism, it would help to have someone proofread or edit your work. I look forward to your next story. Happy writing!
Good first story
Very good story line and good use of the fantasy you are creating. Keep going, looking forward to next chapter.
Fine start...
...but you very much need an editor.
Poor English
Very choppy story. Not fun to read.
Lost potential
A great premise and a nice plot. But, I would recommend the use of an editor on future submissions. The grammar mistakes and misspelling made for a difficult reading experience. Great potential for a nice series of stories, you have built some good characters. Let's see what kind of fun they can have once the husband is seduced as well.
Pretty Much Unreadable
Godawful "writing". As bad as an instruction manual that's been translated from Chinese to English - by someone who has never spoken either language!
Looking Forward
Good first story. Fuck the super critical comments. As if they are all perfect. Having an editor would take your stories up and away. I like the characters however again, they need foundation. So I don't feel like I'm looking in but can actually place myself in the room. I don't want 7 pages of novel followed by 1/2 page sex. Give me 2:1. That way, in my mind I'll both know the people and also join them in their climax' too. Thank you. Very good sex. Move on it, grow it, add more details.
awesome writing, you need to wri
pleae write more. I almost came just from reading part one.. super sensual.
Terrific!
I loved the story line and the details. All this bitching about grammar -- so get an editor or knowledgable friend to help with that. Most of the whiners can't write and don't have good ideas. Your ideas will carry the day. They are sexy and wonderful.
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