All Comments on 'My Sister's Blood Ch. 01'

Start over, take time, develop main story line and sub plots! :-)

And while you're at it, learn to spell, write, tell a story, and think coherently; this was awful and too rushed to be worth a vote, so I'm not going to; giving you a 1-star would only raise your score from its present woeful level, and you don't deserve that.

Thank you very much for the feedback and votes. If you have any ideas for next chapters please mention.

Yours Rarans

Please make the next chapter longer than a paragraph.

When I saw the vampire theme I braced for some sort of Twilight crap but was pleasantly surprised by a rather light tale. Though I would suggest sticking to one tense, longer chapters and proper grammar if you wish to achieve successes here.

Still I gave you a solid 3* for the effort.

something is missing - - - oh it's the story.

...before submitting a story to ANY website.

Sheesh, my DOG could write better than this shit.

Good concept for a story, but really really needs a lot more work to turn it from an advert on the back of some magazine to a story

I know your minds rushing with this concept of vampires and stuff but make paper drafts first and make a better plot this story has a lot of potential but I think you went to fast with the first chapter

WAS THAT CRAP ????????????

I know this is your first effort and I usually try not to be critical but shit this is pretty bad. Your story line with the Vampire brother and virginal sister is fine just rewrite it and post it again and this time get an editor before you post anything else, because if you had one in the first place this wouldn't have been posted, I know all these negative comments must be quite upsetting. Being a writer you'll just have to get use to it. Just try again I'm sure you'll get there in the end..Sorry, for me 2 stars only this time round

The people that give you negative feedback and post their comments anonymously just brush them off. They are talking out their ass. They are just people that want something to say and are too afraid to tell you who they are. Just keep on writing. One thing you could do is proofread more carefully. EXAMPLE: I push my younger into her mouth and started exploring.

"I push my younger into someone's mouth once and Oh Boy! Never again."lmfao.

There are some really good vampire writers on this site. Check out the erotic horror section for some great stories in that genre. Then take notes and apply them to your own writing. :-)

Is that your real name then? Can we look you up in the phone book under that name? No? Then shut the fuck up, people have site names so they don't get trolled by fuckwit wankers like you. And if you're going to criticize other commentators, check your own fucking spelling and sentence structure, because your comment makes no fucking sense either, but then it's nothing new, coming from an annoying site troll like you. This story sucked in ways you're powerless to describe, because you're just an ignorant, angry little troll, probably because God handed you a 3-inch dick and made you ugly just for the fucking fun of it.

I'm no writer or professional teacher. But my best subject was English and story telling.

If you presented a story, not exactly this one to your teacher, they would force you to rewrite it and take your time.

You tried to enforce numerous styles and that's where you went wrong, pick a genre, pick a theme and stick to a simple line. You zig zagged and quite frankly rushed it. Slow it down, hire an editor, create a storyline that will be interesting.

Best wishes,

~Kurt

Please find someone whose first language is English to edit for you. I can't begin to list all the mistakes and this is unreadable as it is.

Are you not reading the comments? Instead of asking for ideas for another chapter, you should be asking for suggestions on how to write literate English, since that's the language you chose.

Load of bloody immature twaddle ... cant even spell !!