Story flowed well and was very plausible. I applaud the husband for his demeanor; however, he should have at least taken a turn. Great story, nicely done. xoxoxoxo Annette
This works fine as a scene in a porno movie, but it's a little too far-fetched to be anything more than that. Open marriage or not, it was all a little too easy. She gave it up without hesitation; not only to the doctor she had been rejecting, but to four random strangers. Why would any woman do such a thing? In this story, we'll never know.
by
Anonymous02/07/16
I like the premise, but...
...I thought your motivation and feelings, and those of your husband, for this departure from your normal married life were not at all developed. This happened, that happened, but we still don't know why you decided to take on the doctor and 6 or 7 other men. You don't mention any attraction to the doctor, any previous desire for group sex, nor do you suggest why hubby would go along with it all.
On a grammatical note, look at these quotes:
"Pulling out of me, I could feel a trickle of sperm run down to my asshole."
"Walking out of the little room, the doctor was still naked and standing behind the bar."
"Totally exhausted he had to help me through the recreation room to the door."
See the problem? The descriptive phrase at the beginning of a sentence has to describe the subject of the sentence.
Fantasy is fine, but even the most fantastic story should have some slight connection with what is realistically possible.
The first-person character's change of attitude from "For years this one doctor has been trying to get into my pants and I have been able to avoid his advances" to "Tonight will be your night but only if you can get some of your friends to join in" required a lot more explanation than it was given in this story.
On one hand you described her motivation as:
"My idea machine was now on overdrive because this was my opportunity to get back at Dr. Acker for all of his forward advances to me"
and then she immediately gives in and heads off for a gang bang and fucks him first. 2*
by
Anonymous02/07/16
re: Inconsistent
I agree, the switch in attitude towards him just, well, happened, and was contrary to her thoughts before that.
This is yet another story that is ultimately weakened by the insistence of writing it in the first person and then not being consistent in that narrative. If this had been third person, where we don't know her thoughts and feelings, it might have worked. However, we know far too much how she feels about him and her actions and feelings towards him change in an instant, and there's nothing to indicate how or why.
An alternative to third person may have been if she fucked every one BUT him or at least made him wait and wait. That would have been a way of getting back at him that could have been more consistent with her thoughts.
English
Ur
Shitting, right?
Hot story!
Nice and descriptive and you kept the pace going well!
Nice story, great husband
Story flowed well and was very plausible. I applaud the husband for his demeanor; however, he should have at least taken a turn. Great story, nicely done. xoxoxoxo Annette
**
This works fine as a scene in a porno movie, but it's a little too far-fetched to be anything more than that. Open marriage or not, it was all a little too easy. She gave it up without hesitation; not only to the doctor she had been rejecting, but to four random strangers. Why would any woman do such a thing? In this story, we'll never know.
I like the premise, but...
...I thought your motivation and feelings, and those of your husband, for this departure from your normal married life were not at all developed. This happened, that happened, but we still don't know why you decided to take on the doctor and 6 or 7 other men. You don't mention any attraction to the doctor, any previous desire for group sex, nor do you suggest why hubby would go along with it all.
On a grammatical note, look at these quotes:
"Pulling out of me, I could feel a trickle of sperm run down to my asshole."
"Walking out of the little room, the doctor was still naked and standing behind the bar."
"Totally exhausted he had to help me through the recreation room to the door."
See the problem? The descriptive phrase at the beginning of a sentence has to describe the subject of the sentence.
No adequate explanation
Fantasy is fine, but even the most fantastic story should have some slight connection with what is realistically possible.
The first-person character's change of attitude from "For years this one doctor has been trying to get into my pants and I have been able to avoid his advances" to "Tonight will be your night but only if you can get some of your friends to join in" required a lot more explanation than it was given in this story.
L
SOME THING WAS LACKING
Did not flow along very well.
Inconsistent
On one hand you described her motivation as:
"My idea machine was now on overdrive because this was my opportunity to get back at Dr. Acker for all of his forward advances to me"
and then she immediately gives in and heads off for a gang bang and fucks him first. 2*
re: Inconsistent
I agree, the switch in attitude towards him just, well, happened, and was contrary to her thoughts before that.
This is yet another story that is ultimately weakened by the insistence of writing it in the first person and then not being consistent in that narrative. If this had been third person, where we don't know her thoughts and feelings, it might have worked. However, we know far too much how she feels about him and her actions and feelings towards him change in an instant, and there's nothing to indicate how or why.
An alternative to third person may have been if she fucked every one BUT him or at least made him wait and wait. That would have been a way of getting back at him that could have been more consistent with her thoughts.
Grrreat!
I wish my wife had experienced this. I wouldn't have wiped the cum off of her, I would have licked it off.
You have created a walking STD
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