My Sister's Blood Ch. 02

Editing and narrative

The theme you have going is unique, but definitely need to work on narrative aspect and details. I'm sure you can find a editor to proof read.

You have potential just take your time. You'll get this

My two cents

I have the feeling you are either a fan of twilight or have at least seen the movies since you have the vampire up during daylight hours . With that being said I can also tell English isn't your first language but you are trying . Keep going you'll get the hang of bringing your characters to life . Having a little extra help from an editor may help . Best of luck !

I'm not usually so criticizing

But seriously your story sucked

You didn't listen to a single comment, helpful or otherwise

And just posted more of the same garbage. This chapter sucks even worse than the first effort, you seriously need to re-think why you post here, monumentally bad crap like this only serves to dilute the overall quality of the site..

This is horrible. Many errors and brothers and sisters dont usually always day bro or sis.

Wrong department

Try 'Humour and Satire'.