Your writing could use some work, to be honest. It's dry and emotionless. You use a lot of run-on sentences. This story really lacks creativity. I've seen all of this a hundred times before. Give the characters some more personality, rather than just Master and slave. Give them little quirks that make them interesting to read about. Create a bit of plot. It doesn't have to be a novel; just set up any sort of scenario that could give background and character development.
by
Anonymous02/12/16
Interesting enough story
But the dialogue detracts from the story. Most of the dialogue is a repetition of what the other person is saying - so it comes across as stilted and unrealistic - as two roles interacting with each other, instead of two individual people. I think/hope each would talk differently, because they have different personalities and different priorities/thoughts, or the conversation would get dull very quickly.
English
Ok
Your writing could use some work, to be honest. It's dry and emotionless. You use a lot of run-on sentences. This story really lacks creativity. I've seen all of this a hundred times before. Give the characters some more personality, rather than just Master and slave. Give them little quirks that make them interesting to read about. Create a bit of plot. It doesn't have to be a novel; just set up any sort of scenario that could give background and character development.
Interesting enough story
But the dialogue detracts from the story. Most of the dialogue is a repetition of what the other person is saying - so it comes across as stilted and unrealistic - as two roles interacting with each other, instead of two individual people. I think/hope each would talk differently, because they have different personalities and different priorities/thoughts, or the conversation would get dull very quickly.
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