Jennifer Submits

Wham,

bang, thank you Ma'am!!
That is not a story, just a childish recital!!

Rushed

Take some time to develop your characters, their motivations, or hell, even the environment. Good foundation for a story, but this isn't a 'young girl submitting'. It seems more like an ego piece about how 'manly' the man (again, didn't even bother to name your male character) is, and how huge and impressive his cock is. Keep your outline, but think about fleshing it out a little!

Asshole of lIT has spoken, I think you shoul;dwrite more and drive this old fucker

crazy! make him kill himself. Gave you a 5

Manly, manly, manly!

Too many manlys!

We get it, he is manly and she is womanly. Not a bad story but definitely needs some editing.

Everything

Sounds stupid. Like they were 14 year old trying to play adults

My thoughts on reading this story; Is this an actual dude, or macho man randy savage?

Most of this story made me cringe. By adding manly onto nearly every sentence, you created the effect of an insecure individual. On top of that, using the word womanize seems out of place. If I had to describe your character, I'd imaging a 50 year old meat head herding some poor young accountant into a closet, pumping into her 3 times, and leaving her in a puddle as you awkwardly stumble to work.

cocksauce

That's the best word I've ever heard.

Where was the "first time" aspect to this story, though?