...but it is still disparate from the original story. This alternate ending was grounded much more in reality - that is to say how real life troubled marriages tend to play out.
I feel this story would have been better as it's own story rather than an alternate ending because the characters undergo personality changes if both instalments are read together.
Ok , so it's not the best LW story ever, but its much better than that shit swingerJoe put out the other day ! And hey, this author opened it up for voting , I guess he's not ashamed of his work !
by
Anonymous02/16/16
Well written
The dialogue and stream of consciousness felt pretty close to reality. I do agree though its tone does not seem to match the original....but then again must it?
In this version Bob feels a little more of a sad sack to me, and frankly I don't like that he is made to assume as much responsibility as he is here. Perhaps he was a bit strident in his manner of working to provide and thus losing perspective that he was not spending enough time with them. But how is that not an excuse on the part of the wife to shift blame for her own misbehavior? I realize this song and dance does play out in real life time and time again. But where the heck is the love?The communication?The understanding? No, instead she lets the situation fester and places the blame on him for his neglect. Yes he probably bears responsibility in the the divide in their relationship.Both parties do! But while he is clueless, she does perceive that as a problem, so it is on her for not addressing that problem and working with him to come to a resolution of it. While her festering anger/loneliness may have been a factor in her moonlighting with the lothario, her doing so should not be blamed on that. That was on her and her being less then contrite for it, is not a good sign for their happy future.
Like this writer though, I would hope for a happy ending where they can look back and breathe a sigh of relief that they dodged a major bullet.
by
Anonymous02/16/16
Real people with real depth
Nice start, believable real characters. I'm not sure I would equate betrayal with overworking. I think she is rationalizing her emotional infidelity. Still, I think it's a great start, and I would love to see where these two might find a road back, or if their indignance prevents real healing. Thank you!
I can live with this alternative also. However I have to say if you continue this tale it will end horribly. Leaving it as is leaves us with the possibility that it can end happily. Which is how the original ended. So start another tale and leave this as is.
Females like Sharon need physical time together and it needs to be a blend of romance, sex and family time. When work outweigh those three, build a separation and you become a target of a marriage thief. I like where this is going. Bob working all these hours is probably in bad shape. I would like to see him and Sharon get maritaly and physically fit together. The first step is realizing there is a problem and both are at fault.
Liked This Realistic Attempt to Continue the Story
But I gave it a 4 as I think you can finish from here unless there is some significant change in Bob's attitude - not Sharon's. Men who lose all sense of work-life balance end up with nothing. Take it from me. Ken
Weird bit of writing, more of a position paper on the subject than a story. In any case you are right, a reasonable couple with a kid would not divorce over something like this. Then again, a reasonable wife would not cheat on her husband. She might talk to him about how she felt, if he didn't listen she might yell at him, fight with him, drag him to a marriage counselor - but she wouldn't cheat on him, and yes what this one did was cheating.
So, what will happen? There marriage will be forever unbalanced by her cheating. She will always be the felon in the marriage and he the victim. Commonly husbands are pushed aside as their wives become mothers. It is a common time for a man to seek out another woman. His wife is no longer paying him as much attention - sound familiar? So, smart men don't cheat, they become FATHERS. They put their time and love into the child. In this case, his stupid wife did not put her love into the child - she sought out another man. If you take their past behavior as a likely guide to the future you will see that she is innately dishonest and he has tunnel vision. If you want to predict the future it is likely that she will re-offend - this time with a plan on getting a divorce or he. For him, because of his focus will not be able to let this event go and it will fester into an anger that will express itself by his becoming abusive or by him using it to justify cheating himself.
What many of these stories fail to recognize is the condition where once a betrayal is discovered it may result in the end of a marriage but not in a divorce. Many people continue to live together for the benefit of their children or for financial benefit while they pursue separate emotional lives. Life is often more practical than dramatic. Indeed, once a person finds out their spouse has been cheating on them, once their faith is shattered in a monogamous marriage, and once they have had time to come to terms with the reality of their situation - they may not see any point in breaking up a financial union for the benefit of their pride.
by
Anonymous02/16/16
sorry your conclusions are based on you thoughts not reality
I have seen many real couples break up over less than what is described in this story. Sometimes without ever letting the other know why. To presume one can overlook slights is to assume one is very shallow with very little emotional feeling. The wife was in an affair, whether intercourse had occurred or not she was in an emotional and sexual affair. To overlook it basically says it wasn't important. If it wasn't important what do marriage vows mean? His income provides so that she can be a housewife and not need to work, she enjoys her lifestyle. Instead of saying it doesn't matter she should help him in some way change the dynamics so that the system works instead of running off to another and seeking what she thinks she doesn't have at home. There is no loving wife here, we have a very self centered woman drifting away from her husband instead of working with him. Perhaps one should look at divorce rates, average lengths of marriages, and number of marriages over a persons lifetime before talking 50/50. 2*
by
Anonymous02/16/16
2*s
Did anybody finish? Did anyone reach a climax (dramatic) reading this?A continuing continuation.
You left me feeling empty,stormbreyer. Weird scene , lol.
I liked where this WAS going, but the fact that you stopped it so abrubtly reeks of laziness. The characters were very realistic and I have seen this situation play out before IRL, so you were definitely on to something. But you just dropped the ball. An open ended story can work, but not on a continuation of ANOTHER unfinished story. Open ended stories in chapter 2 don't work. You could have even given a brief epilogue to say that their marriage confines to struggle, but counseling is helping. Or an epilogue saying that Bob continues to work too hard, and things don't look good. Anything.
This author did work hard on this, and it shows. But he is 2 paragraphs short if a good story.
by
Anonymous02/16/16
You're staying true to your other works.
In this you have tried to make Bob the villain, and completely glossed over what Sharon was doing. You have tried to make her the long suffering, mistreated bride, and Bob the bungling, violent fool who - in THIS world - deserves to be cheated on. If you continue I expect you will eventually make him her willing cuckold I would expect nothing else from you. Forget honor, truth, commitment. Forget she has lied continuously. You will no doubt place her in command of the relationship for her own selfish pleasure and ignore him as a man or even a person. Which, by the way, you have her demonstrating right now.
good old stormbreyer... always looking for ways to excuse the betrayer and blame the victim.
reconciliation is very desirable but for none of the reasons expressed by so many RACC authors.
1. Children DO NOT necessarily benefit living in a household where betrayal is swept under the rug.
2. Children DO NOT benefit when taught that there is justification for betrayal.
3. Nobody benefits when blame is shifted to the victim.
Perhaps the most egregious example of blaming the victim is in the case of rape- which in my opinion is the most reprehensible of behaviors and is sick. How many women are violated emotionally and mentally when they attempt to get justice after being raped?
In some ways, it reminded me of the ending of Slirpuff's "What She Didn't Tell Me". (I don't like Slirpuff's ending of that story and have been toying with the idea of an alternate ending).
And I agee with Javmor79's comment that the ending here was too abrupt. The story needed to be a bit longer.
I understand what stormbreyer was trying to accomplish here, and I applaud the effort. It's interesting to see that, once again, the LW readers seem to be perfectly fine with a story where a wife denies her husband with sex and affection and receives her comeuppance, but when the situation is reversed, they scream "man-hater!"
An ideal marriage involves an equal effort on the part of both husband and wife when it comes to sex/affection and emotional support. When there is an imbalance -- on either side -- that often leads to problems.
In one of my recent stories, a character stated, "It has occurred to me that there is very little difference between denying sex and having an affair. Part of our marriage agreement is that we have an exclusive sexual relationship and that we meet each other's needs in the bedroom. Whether you're having an affair or not, you've refused to meet my needs in that regard. You're cheating me out of that part of our marriage."
LW readers seemed to accept that premise. Yet, if Sharon had said this same line to Bob, with "denying emotional support and affection" substituted for "denying sex", the same readers would rant and rave about man-hating "cuck" authors.
I'm still interested in the question of when Sharon began cheating in this story, and what her punishment should be. A few readers have suggested that Sharon cheated simply by flirting with Luke, agreeing to meet him for dinner, and lying to her husband about it. I don't necessarily disagree with that, but what should be her punishment? Divorce?
In an ideal world, Bob and Sharon would sit down and actually TALK to each other, share their feelings and fears in a brutally honest way, and come to some sort of agreement together. Bob would promise to pay more attention to his family, and Sharon would promise to settle down and stop flirting with strange men. Maybe they would replace "girl's night out" with "date night." Maybe they'd live happily ever after.
But that sure would be a boring story to read, wouldn't it?
You stopped your alternate ending WAY too early, and took the lazy way out by saying "so if I continued the story, both characters would grow and change, and they would work through this and come out the other side deeper in love and more secure in their relationship" - if you are going to finish someone else's story - FINISH IT, don't dither or take cheap ways out.
3/5 for the direction it was going
by
Anonymous02/16/16
Yes, More Needed
Yes, this story needs more alternative endings as the situation in the original is both realistic and erotic. Also, no alternative has yet raised Sharon's emails and the discussion of the hot tub and Luke's room at the hotel in terms of what Sharon was planning to do.
I don't like when Stangstar writes a woman who is so stupid that she needs to have 'breathe' tattooed on the back of her hand to remind her to make sure she is still sucking in oxygen.
I don't like how you force wrote this man to be pathetic and ineffective. You could not even let him land a punch, but had to make him stumble over his feet like some ringside clown with a simple punch.
That just seemed gratuitous and as part of a scene, I really didn't like it.
Now most of the POV was focused on the wife. And you took his two (or three or maybe a year, Azahura was a bit...skittish in his temporal descriptions) months of having to work hard and heavy, AS WELL AS REALIZING IT, and you instead stretched it out to being a neglectful husband for five years, so insular and clueless to not realize a single damned thing.
Now...it is possible for a man to be like that. But not the man written in the story. And there is this thing...below the nose and above the chin...it's kind of round and it has this floppy thing inside of it. Occasionally air is expressed out of it in ways that actually convey information.
So if this Sharon found herself in a life of quiet desperation, perhaps it is incumbent upon her to
1) TELL HER HUSBAND
or
2) Leave his sorry ass before she goes out playing tonsil hockey with Luke...TWICE.
As written, she is not there for Bob. She is there for her kid, her reputation and her comfort. She is there so she does not have to hear about it in of phone calls from her mother. At least this is the take away I am getting from her.
She is getting bent out of shape because he had lunch with Vickie (though admittedly, she self corrected) One wonders what she would have thought if she had caught him grinding against her pussy in public and rubbing himself suggestively in front of her. How quickly would she change the locks?
So yeah...at least this woman did not react like that selfish harridan in swingerjoes tale. This is a take on 'happy women don't cheat'.
Do I buy it? Actually, yes. Do I think the woman behaved ethically? No. And the failure of her marriage can be laid at her feet at least three quarters of the way (half for lack of communication and a quarter for cheating) BUT...as written, the guy carries some blame.
But...ladies...men are not mind readers. They do not get your sighs, your eyerolls, your 'fine's or your 'nothing's.
Deal with it You can waste three hours talking about shoes but not ten minutes about something making you desperately unhappy? Really?
by
Anonymous02/16/16
Right you are, Swingerjoe...
...but the fact that there seems to be an obvious affinity, as far as feminine denial is concerned, shouldn´t surprise: Compairing search-tags shows a clear favour for "cuckold" or related tags over "loving wives" or "cheating wives" and related. I began refering to this site as "Cuckerotica" when more and more readers joined this growing community.and authors started their efforts to please these clients. JPB is an example for this behaviour. "If you don´t have it in you, you cannot write it"
I am mourning the loss of quality and growing glorification of submissive cuckolds.
Perhabs a vent for their own failings? Self-punishment as retribution in real life?
by
Anonymous02/16/16
the only thing
your hopeless at is writing, i couldn't care less if they got back or not, your story was a waste of people time, her bring up hitting the daughter or her was another way of her putting her husband down.
FD45, I find that many of your comments hit the mark, but other times you whiff completely. When you call the woman in my alternate ending a "selfish harradin", I believe that's an example of the latter.
Your belief seemingly stems from the fact that, in my story, Sharon didn't protest when Bob called her on her behavior and offered his ultimatum. You believe she should have told him at that point that Luke was gay and that it was all a big misunderstanding instead of taking him to see Luke and show him the "big reveal" in person. I have three main issues with that, however:
1) Bob probably wouldn't have believed her.
2) Bob has probably acted like a jealous ass in the past, and he needed a wake-up call.
3) It would have made for an incredibly dull story if they simply communicated (which is a point I've often made about this plot, beginning with Chapter One.)
Not that I want to rehash the endless back-and-forth about my version of this ending, but part of the entire point of my ending was that there are two sides to every story, and LW readers only seem to focus on the husband's point of view. (I assume because the vast majority of us reading these stories are men.)
Infidelity is in the eyes of the beholder. Men and women live and work togeather in the same space, at least in Western countries. Not all friendships are same sex ones, and the vast majority are no threat to fidelity. This friendship was, but not a marriage killer imp. The couple failed to discuss long term goals, so who was sacra icing what for whom was up in the air.
Both share in the problem, and undue blame need on the wife. To do so is to say your end of the ship is sinking.
That said, this part 2 should have taken them through counciling.
I would agree with the reader who left the the comment that this site is turning into Cuckerotica !
It is good to read about an actual loving wife and not one who out to get fucked by some big cock.
She has a lot to lose fir some different cock.
I know of a husband who sometimes works till 1am to finish work for his customers. Opens up and last one to leave his business premises. His wife took their children and left him as she mentioned she hss no marriage.
However, she drives range rover, her and the children own a house/s which are stabled, live in a big house multi room sky boxes etc, etc.
He told me he would have to work even harder to support to homes.
My advice was, sell her range rover, give her a 1.0L fiesra or clio, sell the horses, cut back on sky subscription, employ another worker to close premises in evening inform customers of more teas completion dates.
Then start cooking lessons and make a home his wife can live in and share with not a empty castle with a maiden trapped within it !
At least this one seemed realistic. A bit more of real dialog instead of indirect speech would have improved this story. The confrontation scene in the restaurant seemed a bit strange - was the lover somehow pre-warned by the wife?
But what I did not like at all was the shifting of responsibilities to Bob, who was the victim in the original story. That was - in this point I agree with other commenters - not consistent with the characters developed in the original story.
3*, thanks for sharing - and no need for a continuation.
This one took all the information from the original under consideration and resolved it in an alternate but more believable way than joes did. Thx for the read! :-)
Much more so than the other alternative. Not every guy is a martial arts expert, Marine, Ranger, etc. Honestly, taking down Luke would have been nice, even satisfying, but it wasn't all that necessary in this one.
This one stuck closely to Ahazura's first part, while offering a believable alternate ending. As much as some, me included, want to see Luke get Rick'd or Applesauced, this is closer to what would most likely happen in real life. Besides, Luke got messed up pretty good in the original ending.
That's right, you don't take 8 years and a child and just flush them. They have to work on their relationship. Sharon has needs and Bob needs to step up. Career is important but sooner or later it ends. My husband and I both have careers and we are both ridiculously busy, but! We want to stay together because we are soul mates, and physicality doesn't trump that relationship. We learned a long time ago that you can have both but you have to work at it. xoxoxox Annette
while it takes the angry couple in a nicer, less angry direction, and offers a bit of hope it still leaves the story open ended. Bob is still in denial. Sharon still refuses to accept responsibility for her behaviour with Luke. And it leaves Luke free and clear to try again.
by
Anonymous02/17/16
What is with modern ppl???
Why cant people accept that fact that you cant have everything in life.
Specially women who cheat because their husbands are too into their careers..
That has to be one of the weakest excuses (not that I think there are ever any real excuses) for infidelity.
If you want a better life why not join the work force and remove some pressure off of your husband. Why do you think you deserve everything in life just cause you have a vagina.
My dad worked extremely hard his entire life to give us kids a better life. My mom was in the workforce as well. Instead of whining and bitching about his work she stood by him and supported him in each and everything.
Ppl are too entitled these days.
Re: "Why cant people accept that fact that you cant have everything in life."
Dear Anonymous,
The answer to your question is that its because we only have this one life and when it's over, it's over. We can't come back and have a second go to experience the things we missed out on first time round.
The worst thought I could possibly have on my deathbed is "I just wish I had tried . . . . . . . . . . .
I had the opportunity, but I didn't."
L
by
Anonymous02/17/16
Another
Another shit bucket ending by a cuck as licking writer.
Marriage is not hard if both the husband and the wife understand that once they are married they become one. That is the Biblical view of marriage and by default and legacy, the western view of marriage. That is also why adultery is a sin and why most western people find it so horrible. Remember: "What God has joined together, let no man split asunder" Adultery is literally tearing the One apart. So, how do you avoid such a terrible fate? Simple, you do your DAMN JOB! Just like going to work and expecting to get paid every two weeks, if you want the benefits of marriage you have to do your damn job. People who do not do their jobs are known as time thieves, slackers, cheaters. Have you ever known one of these types? I have known many, they are not my friends, they are human shit. When I have had the misfortune to have to manage one of them - I did my best to motivate them. If that did not work, I fired them. A cheating spouse is the same thing, human shit. There is no fixing them, you can polish a turd all day long and at the end of the day it will still be a pile of shit. Don't waste your time, there are plenty of decent people out there well worth the effort to polish, they will shine.
by
Anonymous02/17/16
Somewhat less radical than SJ's ending, but still pretty ridiculous in its own way.
Bob was portrayed as a very thoughtful and hard working man in the original story. But in this version in the restaurant he was portrayed as an emotional impetuous chump. No less ridiculous than SJ's version. Married eight years, and Sharon had no idea what to expect from her emotional cheating, and actual lying? Of course Sharon's concerns were legitimate and understandable. But her seeking comfort in the intimate company of another man is not. And nothing Sharon, or Ron, says about the situation will change the fact that if Bob, and Vickie, had not intervened when they did, Sharon would most likely have traded her status of wife and mother for that of divorced whore. Your version glosses over or intentionally ignores that issue. And yet it is the aborted dinner date and inevitable fuck fest that lies at the epicenter of Sharon's behavior. It was bad enough you tried to make this equally Bob's fault. Sharon has a mouth and a brain as well as a clitoris and vagina. In the original story we saw which of her assets she chose to use to deal with her unhappy marriage. Thanks for not finishing what would no doubt make Sharon, and you, look more ridiculous.
Stormbreyer, I enjoyed this. The characters thought processes and motivations struck me as fairly realistic, with good points and also miscues on both parts. The ending seemed to be heading towards them working it out.
I do think it's a little odd having an acquaintance as a marriage counselor, but I'd guess that happens.
You seemed a touch worried about the endings desired by others, and given the comments on swingerjoe's ending, I can see why! But if you wanted to play around a bit, you could give two of your own alternate endings to your story.
First, a longer one where they do work through things, and maybe have a slight scare or some other serious issue that reminds them of their love. Or maybe they could get that through good counseling.
The second option would be a BTB'ers special. Bob could turn to her, extend his forefinger, and say, "May the deities of this planet reign punishment down upon you for being a woman and for not being totally subservient to me . . . and also on Luke for being a doo-doo head!" She (and somewhere else Luke) would both immediately burst into flame. "Wow!" said Bob, "The deities really did burn the bitch.".
Then have readers vote on which ending met their needs. At any rate, I like yours as it is now.
When you have a spouse or significant other who is the job of lives the job 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year it can be a real problem for the marital relationship and for the family life.
When the wife talked about their 1 week vacation that was supposed to be "just us /no kids" vacation yet the husband was still frantically checking e-mail and the smart phone ... It speaks of a serious problem in their relationship.
But in the marriage counseling session the wife also mentioned that they were able to take three days weekends fairly often... which brings up the point of whether not during those three day weekends the husband was still glued to his e-mail and smart phone and work computer at home. If he is able to stop with e-mails and work computer for three day weekends... that would be a good thing. It would also tell the reader as to how serious was the husband's work obsession actually was.
In this high tech Internet connected world it can be very difficult to completely unplugged for an entire week especially if something important is about to happen in the company or at work or some other project. A vacation time between married couples should be a vacation time for more as much as possible.
by
Anonymous02/17/16
Awful continuation
Once again we have an unfinished/unresolved ending to the story. Your chapter added nothing to the mix but more questions. Why do that? Being a romantic is fine. But sometimes (more than 50% if you believe the statistics) marriages don't work out. And when you have two people that aren't communicating and one is cheating, then most likely that marriage is dead. But whether or not is was should have been how this story concluded. If you can't complete something. don't start it. This was a waste of time.
1 star.
A story needs a first act - set up. A second act - the events unfolding. And a third act, where a conclusion is arrived at.
This is a very basic second act, where some things happen, there a lot of exposition on what people were feeling, - which is fair enough - and then.., nothing? No resolution, no point being made,
A slow disintegration of a marriage just isn't that interesting. It's viable, certainly. Predictable, even. But not particularly interesting.
Writing something like this is risky, simply because nothing of massive consequence happens. In situations like that, you have to rely on either the characterization or the quality of writing. The writing here is competent but not inspired, and the characterization are tedious and worn. He's ineffective and muddled and she's entitled. Neither is particular relatable in terms of _ wanting_ to relate, so there's nothing really to hang on to, so to speak.
by
Anonymous02/17/16
Im still at a loss him working to hard for his family never would be reason to cheat. If he quit his job for something less time consuming that paid a lot less would she be ok with that or is that another reason to cheat. Also her hubby is now a laughingstock at her company where Luke works also and what about his friend that taped it . You know that would never get erased. She's a selfish bitch and any spouse who cheats because the other is working to hard for the family is no good. Talk about the changes that are needed and work through them and if that don't work than revisit it with some decision made about the marriage. Cheaters suck but I think it was stopped just in time for me to reconcile so that I agree but a little different would be better
Sorry but I did not like it. The writing was good but I was not a fan of where you took the characters. I don't mind reconciliation stories but this went a little farther where Bob is now the "bad" guy for working to much and it is justifiable for Sharon to have a relationship with Luke. As a side note there is no way that Ron, as a friend, could be their counselor.
by
Anonymous02/17/16
Let's See
According to your story 90% of the marriage problem is Bob's fault for working hard for a living and providing for his family. In return for that Sharon is having lunch every day with the office Romeo, drunken partying, swapping spit, and sharing her panties with her wonderful, understanding "friend" all in very public settings for everyone to see and enjoy. Seems the only thing she don't do was fuck him on the bar room table. But that I'm sure was later on her bucket list to improve her miserable home life. Sure that sounds like what any good, supportive wife would do. NOT in my world pal! To quote Sharon "If you got drunk and kissed another woman on a dance floor I would go for your balls". Can you say hypocrite??? Funny how your story has Sharon showing little true remorse for anything she did. So yeah, excuse me if I'm not buying the bleeding heart bullshit you're spinning here trying to make Sharon out as some poor abused wife married to a thoughtless husband that only cares about himself and his job.
Maybe in the next chapter you can go into all of the things Sharon did to make Bob more interested in their home life. You know like having family activities instead of partying with her "friend", planning intimate dinners with her husband instead of her "friend", talking to her husband instead of her so understanding "friend" about their marriage problems, etc. etc. I must have missed all of the things Sharon proactively did to do her part in supporting the family. When you do that then you will have succeeded in your quest to make hard working Bob into the ghastly husband you see him as and put Sharon up on her self-righteous pedestal. Also really enjoyed Sharon's quote "I just want you to know, that if you ever raise a hand against me or your daughter like that, you will never see either of us again." Guess you wish you could spin Bob into a wife beater also. Needless to say I hope you don't write another chapter. I'm sure your idea of grow and change would have Sharon coming out as Mother Teresa.
English
A solid story by itself...
...but it is still disparate from the original story. This alternate ending was grounded much more in reality - that is to say how real life troubled marriages tend to play out.
I feel this story would have been better as it's own story rather than an alternate ending because the characters undergo personality changes if both instalments are read together.
Don't you love folks who finish an unfinished story with an unfinished ending?
This was utterly pointless
1 star. Stop writing. Permanently.
better than the other continuation !!!!!!!
Ok , so it's not the best LW story ever, but its much better than that shit swingerJoe put out the other day ! And hey, this author opened it up for voting , I guess he's not ashamed of his work !
Well written
The dialogue and stream of consciousness felt pretty close to reality. I do agree though its tone does not seem to match the original....but then again must it?
In this version Bob feels a little more of a sad sack to me, and frankly I don't like that he is made to assume as much responsibility as he is here. Perhaps he was a bit strident in his manner of working to provide and thus losing perspective that he was not spending enough time with them. But how is that not an excuse on the part of the wife to shift blame for her own misbehavior? I realize this song and dance does play out in real life time and time again. But where the heck is the love?The communication?The understanding? No, instead she lets the situation fester and places the blame on him for his neglect. Yes he probably bears responsibility in the the divide in their relationship.Both parties do! But while he is clueless, she does perceive that as a problem, so it is on her for not addressing that problem and working with him to come to a resolution of it. While her festering anger/loneliness may have been a factor in her moonlighting with the lothario, her doing so should not be blamed on that. That was on her and her being less then contrite for it, is not a good sign for their happy future.
Like this writer though, I would hope for a happy ending where they can look back and breathe a sigh of relief that they dodged a major bullet.
Real people with real depth
Nice start, believable real characters. I'm not sure I would equate betrayal with overworking. I think she is rationalizing her emotional infidelity. Still, I think it's a great start, and I would love to see where these two might find a road back, or if their indignance prevents real healing. Thank you!
You just can't
Make a chocolate cupcake out of a mud pie.
Not bad
I can live with this alternative also. However I have to say if you continue this tale it will end horribly. Leaving it as is leaves us with the possibility that it can end happily. Which is how the original ended. So start another tale and leave this as is.
Balancing marriage
Females like Sharon need physical time together and it needs to be a blend of romance, sex and family time. When work outweigh those three, build a separation and you become a target of a marriage thief. I like where this is going. Bob working all these hours is probably in bad shape. I would like to see him and Sharon get maritaly and physically fit together. The first step is realizing there is a problem and both are at fault.
Fair
It ignores what I feel is the major problem,that except for that vacation she NEVER went to Bob with her concerns before looking outside the marriage.
Hey that is a straight shot
thanks for the additional update
Liked This Realistic Attempt to Continue the Story
But I gave it a 4 as I think you can finish from here unless there is some significant change in Bob's attitude - not Sharon's. Men who lose all sense of work-life balance end up with nothing. Take it from me. Ken
Not Really A Short Story
Weird bit of writing, more of a position paper on the subject than a story. In any case you are right, a reasonable couple with a kid would not divorce over something like this. Then again, a reasonable wife would not cheat on her husband. She might talk to him about how she felt, if he didn't listen she might yell at him, fight with him, drag him to a marriage counselor - but she wouldn't cheat on him, and yes what this one did was cheating.
So, what will happen? There marriage will be forever unbalanced by her cheating. She will always be the felon in the marriage and he the victim. Commonly husbands are pushed aside as their wives become mothers. It is a common time for a man to seek out another woman. His wife is no longer paying him as much attention - sound familiar? So, smart men don't cheat, they become FATHERS. They put their time and love into the child. In this case, his stupid wife did not put her love into the child - she sought out another man. If you take their past behavior as a likely guide to the future you will see that she is innately dishonest and he has tunnel vision. If you want to predict the future it is likely that she will re-offend - this time with a plan on getting a divorce or he. For him, because of his focus will not be able to let this event go and it will fester into an anger that will express itself by his becoming abusive or by him using it to justify cheating himself.
What many of these stories fail to recognize is the condition where once a betrayal is discovered it may result in the end of a marriage but not in a divorce. Many people continue to live together for the benefit of their children or for financial benefit while they pursue separate emotional lives. Life is often more practical than dramatic. Indeed, once a person finds out their spouse has been cheating on them, once their faith is shattered in a monogamous marriage, and once they have had time to come to terms with the reality of their situation - they may not see any point in breaking up a financial union for the benefit of their pride.
sorry your conclusions are based on you thoughts not reality
I have seen many real couples break up over less than what is described in this story. Sometimes without ever letting the other know why. To presume one can overlook slights is to assume one is very shallow with very little emotional feeling. The wife was in an affair, whether intercourse had occurred or not she was in an emotional and sexual affair. To overlook it basically says it wasn't important. If it wasn't important what do marriage vows mean? His income provides so that she can be a housewife and not need to work, she enjoys her lifestyle. Instead of saying it doesn't matter she should help him in some way change the dynamics so that the system works instead of running off to another and seeking what she thinks she doesn't have at home. There is no loving wife here, we have a very self centered woman drifting away from her husband instead of working with him. Perhaps one should look at divorce rates, average lengths of marriages, and number of marriages over a persons lifetime before talking 50/50. 2*
2*s
Did anybody finish? Did anyone reach a climax (dramatic) reading this?A continuing continuation.
You left me feeling empty,stormbreyer. Weird scene , lol.
AMerryman
Hmmm
I liked where this WAS going, but the fact that you stopped it so abrubtly reeks of laziness. The characters were very realistic and I have seen this situation play out before IRL, so you were definitely on to something. But you just dropped the ball. An open ended story can work, but not on a continuation of ANOTHER unfinished story. Open ended stories in chapter 2 don't work. You could have even given a brief epilogue to say that their marriage confines to struggle, but counseling is helping. Or an epilogue saying that Bob continues to work too hard, and things don't look good. Anything.
This author did work hard on this, and it shows. But he is 2 paragraphs short if a good story.
You're staying true to your other works.
In this you have tried to make Bob the villain, and completely glossed over what Sharon was doing. You have tried to make her the long suffering, mistreated bride, and Bob the bungling, violent fool who - in THIS world - deserves to be cheated on. If you continue I expect you will eventually make him her willing cuckold I would expect nothing else from you. Forget honor, truth, commitment. Forget she has lied continuously. You will no doubt place her in command of the relationship for her own selfish pleasure and ignore him as a man or even a person. Which, by the way, you have her demonstrating right now.
good old stormbreyer... always looking for ways to excuse the betrayer and blame the victim.
reconciliation is very desirable but for none of the reasons expressed by so many RACC authors.
1. Children DO NOT necessarily benefit living in a household where betrayal is swept under the rug.
2. Children DO NOT benefit when taught that there is justification for betrayal.
3. Nobody benefits when blame is shifted to the victim.
Perhaps the most egregious example of blaming the victim is in the case of rape- which in my opinion is the most reprehensible of behaviors and is sick. How many women are violated emotionally and mentally when they attempt to get justice after being raped?
OK, But...
it was clinical. No emotion, just the facts.
In some ways, it reminded me of the ending of Slirpuff's "What She Didn't Tell Me". (I don't like Slirpuff's ending of that story and have been toying with the idea of an alternate ending).
And I agee with Javmor79's comment that the ending here was too abrupt. The story needed to be a bit longer.
I see what you were going for
I understand what stormbreyer was trying to accomplish here, and I applaud the effort. It's interesting to see that, once again, the LW readers seem to be perfectly fine with a story where a wife denies her husband with sex and affection and receives her comeuppance, but when the situation is reversed, they scream "man-hater!"
An ideal marriage involves an equal effort on the part of both husband and wife when it comes to sex/affection and emotional support. When there is an imbalance -- on either side -- that often leads to problems.
In one of my recent stories, a character stated, "It has occurred to me that there is very little difference between denying sex and having an affair. Part of our marriage agreement is that we have an exclusive sexual relationship and that we meet each other's needs in the bedroom. Whether you're having an affair or not, you've refused to meet my needs in that regard. You're cheating me out of that part of our marriage."
LW readers seemed to accept that premise. Yet, if Sharon had said this same line to Bob, with "denying emotional support and affection" substituted for "denying sex", the same readers would rant and rave about man-hating "cuck" authors.
I'm still interested in the question of when Sharon began cheating in this story, and what her punishment should be. A few readers have suggested that Sharon cheated simply by flirting with Luke, agreeing to meet him for dinner, and lying to her husband about it. I don't necessarily disagree with that, but what should be her punishment? Divorce?
In an ideal world, Bob and Sharon would sit down and actually TALK to each other, share their feelings and fears in a brutally honest way, and come to some sort of agreement together. Bob would promise to pay more attention to his family, and Sharon would promise to settle down and stop flirting with strange men. Maybe they would replace "girl's night out" with "date night." Maybe they'd live happily ever after.
But that sure would be a boring story to read, wouldn't it?
You need an ending
You stopped your alternate ending WAY too early, and took the lazy way out by saying "so if I continued the story, both characters would grow and change, and they would work through this and come out the other side deeper in love and more secure in their relationship" - if you are going to finish someone else's story - FINISH IT, don't dither or take cheap ways out.
3/5 for the direction it was going
Yes, More Needed
Yes, this story needs more alternative endings as the situation in the original is both realistic and erotic. Also, no alternative has yet raised Sharon's emails and the discussion of the hot tub and Luke's room at the hotel in terms of what Sharon was planning to do.
Im with you, It seems a lot of readers have been burned and are lying to themselves thinking they're own own stupidity was the real issue
I don't like forced writing
I don't like when Stangstar writes a woman who is so stupid that she needs to have 'breathe' tattooed on the back of her hand to remind her to make sure she is still sucking in oxygen.
I don't like how you force wrote this man to be pathetic and ineffective. You could not even let him land a punch, but had to make him stumble over his feet like some ringside clown with a simple punch.
That just seemed gratuitous and as part of a scene, I really didn't like it.
Now most of the POV was focused on the wife. And you took his two (or three or maybe a year, Azahura was a bit...skittish in his temporal descriptions) months of having to work hard and heavy, AS WELL AS REALIZING IT, and you instead stretched it out to being a neglectful husband for five years, so insular and clueless to not realize a single damned thing.
Now...it is possible for a man to be like that. But not the man written in the story. And there is this thing...below the nose and above the chin...it's kind of round and it has this floppy thing inside of it. Occasionally air is expressed out of it in ways that actually convey information.
So if this Sharon found herself in a life of quiet desperation, perhaps it is incumbent upon her to
1) TELL HER HUSBAND
or
2) Leave his sorry ass before she goes out playing tonsil hockey with Luke...TWICE.
As written, she is not there for Bob. She is there for her kid, her reputation and her comfort. She is there so she does not have to hear about it in of phone calls from her mother. At least this is the take away I am getting from her.
She is getting bent out of shape because he had lunch with Vickie (though admittedly, she self corrected) One wonders what she would have thought if she had caught him grinding against her pussy in public and rubbing himself suggestively in front of her. How quickly would she change the locks?
So yeah...at least this woman did not react like that selfish harridan in swingerjoes tale. This is a take on 'happy women don't cheat'.
Do I buy it? Actually, yes. Do I think the woman behaved ethically? No. And the failure of her marriage can be laid at her feet at least three quarters of the way (half for lack of communication and a quarter for cheating) BUT...as written, the guy carries some blame.
But...ladies...men are not mind readers. They do not get your sighs, your eyerolls, your 'fine's or your 'nothing's.
Deal with it You can waste three hours talking about shoes but not ten minutes about something making you desperately unhappy? Really?
Right you are, Swingerjoe...
...but the fact that there seems to be an obvious affinity, as far as feminine denial is concerned, shouldn´t surprise: Compairing search-tags shows a clear favour for "cuckold" or related tags over "loving wives" or "cheating wives" and related. I began refering to this site as "Cuckerotica" when more and more readers joined this growing community.and authors started their efforts to please these clients. JPB is an example for this behaviour. "If you don´t have it in you, you cannot write it"
I am mourning the loss of quality and growing glorification of submissive cuckolds.
Perhabs a vent for their own failings? Self-punishment as retribution in real life?
the only thing
your hopeless at is writing, i couldn't care less if they got back or not, your story was a waste of people time, her bring up hitting the daughter or her was another way of her putting her husband down.
Re. the "selfish harradin"
FD45, I find that many of your comments hit the mark, but other times you whiff completely. When you call the woman in my alternate ending a "selfish harradin", I believe that's an example of the latter.
Your belief seemingly stems from the fact that, in my story, Sharon didn't protest when Bob called her on her behavior and offered his ultimatum. You believe she should have told him at that point that Luke was gay and that it was all a big misunderstanding instead of taking him to see Luke and show him the "big reveal" in person. I have three main issues with that, however:
1) Bob probably wouldn't have believed her.
2) Bob has probably acted like a jealous ass in the past, and he needed a wake-up call.
3) It would have made for an incredibly dull story if they simply communicated (which is a point I've often made about this plot, beginning with Chapter One.)
Not that I want to rehash the endless back-and-forth about my version of this ending, but part of the entire point of my ending was that there are two sides to every story, and LW readers only seem to focus on the husband's point of view. (I assume because the vast majority of us reading these stories are men.)
3*
For a partial effort.
Surprised at the differences
Infidelity is in the eyes of the beholder. Men and women live and work togeather in the same space, at least in Western countries. Not all friendships are same sex ones, and the vast majority are no threat to fidelity. This friendship was, but not a marriage killer imp. The couple failed to discuss long term goals, so who was sacra icing what for whom was up in the air.
Both share in the problem, and undue blame need on the wife. To do so is to say your end of the ship is sinking.
That said, this part 2 should have taken them through counciling.
Chilley
Cuckerotica
I would agree with the reader who left the the comment that this site is turning into Cuckerotica !
It is good to read about an actual loving wife and not one who out to get fucked by some big cock.
She has a lot to lose fir some different cock.
I know of a husband who sometimes works till 1am to finish work for his customers. Opens up and last one to leave his business premises. His wife took their children and left him as she mentioned she hss no marriage.
However, she drives range rover, her and the children own a house/s which are stabled, live in a big house multi room sky boxes etc, etc.
He told me he would have to work even harder to support to homes.
My advice was, sell her range rover, give her a 1.0L fiesra or clio, sell the horses, cut back on sky subscription, employ another worker to close premises in evening inform customers of more teas completion dates.
Then start cooking lessons and make a home his wife can live in and share with not a empty castle with a maiden trapped within it !
Lot better than Swingerjoe's failed attempt
At least this one seemed realistic. A bit more of real dialog instead of indirect speech would have improved this story. The confrontation scene in the restaurant seemed a bit strange - was the lover somehow pre-warned by the wife?
But what I did not like at all was the shifting of responsibilities to Bob, who was the victim in the original story. That was - in this point I agree with other commenters - not consistent with the characters developed in the original story.
3*, thanks for sharing - and no need for a continuation.
WAAAAYYYYYYYY better dude!*****
This one took all the information from the original under consideration and resolved it in an alternate but more believable way than joes did. Thx for the read! :-)
Also a good ending...and I think that...
Also a good ending...and I think that the writer should have written hos own end and not let it open...4*
Believable.
Much more so than the other alternative. Not every guy is a martial arts expert, Marine, Ranger, etc. Honestly, taking down Luke would have been nice, even satisfying, but it wasn't all that necessary in this one.
This one stuck closely to Ahazura's first part, while offering a believable alternate ending. As much as some, me included, want to see Luke get Rick'd or Applesauced, this is closer to what would most likely happen in real life. Besides, Luke got messed up pretty good in the original ending.
Good job, Author. :)
4 Stars
Agree with Stormbreyer
That's right, you don't take 8 years and a child and just flush them. They have to work on their relationship. Sharon has needs and Bob needs to step up. Career is important but sooner or later it ends. My husband and I both have careers and we are both ridiculously busy, but! We want to stay together because we are soul mates, and physicality doesn't trump that relationship. We learned a long time ago that you can have both but you have to work at it. xoxoxox Annette
Please continue
I'm curious where you are taking this story. It is much better than the other alternate ending.
another non ending
while it takes the angry couple in a nicer, less angry direction, and offers a bit of hope it still leaves the story open ended. Bob is still in denial. Sharon still refuses to accept responsibility for her behaviour with Luke. And it leaves Luke free and clear to try again.
What is with modern ppl???
Why cant people accept that fact that you cant have everything in life.
Specially women who cheat because their husbands are too into their careers..
That has to be one of the weakest excuses (not that I think there are ever any real excuses) for infidelity.
If you want a better life why not join the work force and remove some pressure off of your husband. Why do you think you deserve everything in life just cause you have a vagina.
My dad worked extremely hard his entire life to give us kids a better life. My mom was in the workforce as well. Instead of whining and bitching about his work she stood by him and supported him in each and everything.
Ppl are too entitled these days.
Re: "Why cant people accept that fact that you cant have everything in life."
Dear Anonymous,
The answer to your question is that its because we only have this one life and when it's over, it's over. We can't come back and have a second go to experience the things we missed out on first time round.
The worst thought I could possibly have on my deathbed is "I just wish I had tried . . . . . . . . . . .
I had the opportunity, but I didn't."
L
Another
Another shit bucket ending by a cuck as licking writer.
Marriage is not that hard
Marriage is not hard if both the husband and the wife understand that once they are married they become one. That is the Biblical view of marriage and by default and legacy, the western view of marriage. That is also why adultery is a sin and why most western people find it so horrible. Remember: "What God has joined together, let no man split asunder" Adultery is literally tearing the One apart. So, how do you avoid such a terrible fate? Simple, you do your DAMN JOB! Just like going to work and expecting to get paid every two weeks, if you want the benefits of marriage you have to do your damn job. People who do not do their jobs are known as time thieves, slackers, cheaters. Have you ever known one of these types? I have known many, they are not my friends, they are human shit. When I have had the misfortune to have to manage one of them - I did my best to motivate them. If that did not work, I fired them. A cheating spouse is the same thing, human shit. There is no fixing them, you can polish a turd all day long and at the end of the day it will still be a pile of shit. Don't waste your time, there are plenty of decent people out there well worth the effort to polish, they will shine.
Somewhat less radical than SJ's ending, but still pretty ridiculous in its own way.
Bob was portrayed as a very thoughtful and hard working man in the original story. But in this version in the restaurant he was portrayed as an emotional impetuous chump. No less ridiculous than SJ's version. Married eight years, and Sharon had no idea what to expect from her emotional cheating, and actual lying? Of course Sharon's concerns were legitimate and understandable. But her seeking comfort in the intimate company of another man is not. And nothing Sharon, or Ron, says about the situation will change the fact that if Bob, and Vickie, had not intervened when they did, Sharon would most likely have traded her status of wife and mother for that of divorced whore. Your version glosses over or intentionally ignores that issue. And yet it is the aborted dinner date and inevitable fuck fest that lies at the epicenter of Sharon's behavior. It was bad enough you tried to make this equally Bob's fault. Sharon has a mouth and a brain as well as a clitoris and vagina. In the original story we saw which of her assets she chose to use to deal with her unhappy marriage. Thanks for not finishing what would no doubt make Sharon, and you, look more ridiculous.
Good continuation . . .
Stormbreyer, I enjoyed this. The characters thought processes and motivations struck me as fairly realistic, with good points and also miscues on both parts. The ending seemed to be heading towards them working it out.
I do think it's a little odd having an acquaintance as a marriage counselor, but I'd guess that happens.
You seemed a touch worried about the endings desired by others, and given the comments on swingerjoe's ending, I can see why! But if you wanted to play around a bit, you could give two of your own alternate endings to your story.
First, a longer one where they do work through things, and maybe have a slight scare or some other serious issue that reminds them of their love. Or maybe they could get that through good counseling.
The second option would be a BTB'ers special. Bob could turn to her, extend his forefinger, and say, "May the deities of this planet reign punishment down upon you for being a woman and for not being totally subservient to me . . . and also on Luke for being a doo-doo head!" She (and somewhere else Luke) would both immediately burst into flame. "Wow!" said Bob, "The deities really did burn the bitch.".
Then have readers vote on which ending met their needs. At any rate, I like yours as it is now.
the significance of the 3 day weekend
When you have a spouse or significant other who is the job of lives the job 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year it can be a real problem for the marital relationship and for the family life.
When the wife talked about their 1 week vacation that was supposed to be "just us /no kids" vacation yet the husband was still frantically checking e-mail and the smart phone ... It speaks of a serious problem in their relationship.
But in the marriage counseling session the wife also mentioned that they were able to take three days weekends fairly often... which brings up the point of whether not during those three day weekends the husband was still glued to his e-mail and smart phone and work computer at home. If he is able to stop with e-mails and work computer for three day weekends... that would be a good thing. It would also tell the reader as to how serious was the husband's work obsession actually was.
In this high tech Internet connected world it can be very difficult to completely unplugged for an entire week especially if something important is about to happen in the company or at work or some other project. A vacation time between married couples should be a vacation time for more as much as possible.
Awful continuation
Once again we have an unfinished/unresolved ending to the story. Your chapter added nothing to the mix but more questions. Why do that? Being a romantic is fine. But sometimes (more than 50% if you believe the statistics) marriages don't work out. And when you have two people that aren't communicating and one is cheating, then most likely that marriage is dead. But whether or not is was should have been how this story concluded. If you can't complete something. don't start it. This was a waste of time.
1 star.
it was an okay try
3/5
I don't really understand....
... What this brought to the story?
There was no conclusion here. No ending.
A story needs a first act - set up. A second act - the events unfolding. And a third act, where a conclusion is arrived at.
This is a very basic second act, where some things happen, there a lot of exposition on what people were feeling, - which is fair enough - and then.., nothing? No resolution, no point being made,
A slow disintegration of a marriage just isn't that interesting. It's viable, certainly. Predictable, even. But not particularly interesting.
Writing something like this is risky, simply because nothing of massive consequence happens. In situations like that, you have to rely on either the characterization or the quality of writing. The writing here is competent but not inspired, and the characterization are tedious and worn. He's ineffective and muddled and she's entitled. Neither is particular relatable in terms of _ wanting_ to relate, so there's nothing really to hang on to, so to speak.
Im still at a loss him working to hard for his family never would be reason to cheat. If he quit his job for something less time consuming that paid a lot less would she be ok with that or is that another reason to cheat. Also her hubby is now a laughingstock at her company where Luke works also and what about his friend that taped it . You know that would never get erased. She's a selfish bitch and any spouse who cheats because the other is working to hard for the family is no good. Talk about the changes that are needed and work through them and if that don't work than revisit it with some decision made about the marriage. Cheaters suck but I think it was stopped just in time for me to reconcile so that I agree but a little different would be better
Did Not Like it
Sorry but I did not like it. The writing was good but I was not a fan of where you took the characters. I don't mind reconciliation stories but this went a little farther where Bob is now the "bad" guy for working to much and it is justifiable for Sharon to have a relationship with Luke. As a side note there is no way that Ron, as a friend, could be their counselor.
Let's See
According to your story 90% of the marriage problem is Bob's fault for working hard for a living and providing for his family. In return for that Sharon is having lunch every day with the office Romeo, drunken partying, swapping spit, and sharing her panties with her wonderful, understanding "friend" all in very public settings for everyone to see and enjoy. Seems the only thing she don't do was fuck him on the bar room table. But that I'm sure was later on her bucket list to improve her miserable home life. Sure that sounds like what any good, supportive wife would do. NOT in my world pal! To quote Sharon "If you got drunk and kissed another woman on a dance floor I would go for your balls". Can you say hypocrite??? Funny how your story has Sharon showing little true remorse for anything she did. So yeah, excuse me if I'm not buying the bleeding heart bullshit you're spinning here trying to make Sharon out as some poor abused wife married to a thoughtless husband that only cares about himself and his job.
Maybe in the next chapter you can go into all of the things Sharon did to make Bob more interested in their home life. You know like having family activities instead of partying with her "friend", planning intimate dinners with her husband instead of her "friend", talking to her husband instead of her so understanding "friend" about their marriage problems, etc. etc. I must have missed all of the things Sharon proactively did to do her part in supporting the family. When you do that then you will have succeeded in your quest to make hard working Bob into the ghastly husband you see him as and put Sharon up on her self-righteous pedestal. Also really enjoyed Sharon's quote "I just want you to know, that if you ever raise a hand against me or your daughter like that, you will never see either of us again." Guess you wish you could spin Bob into a wife beater also. Needless to say I hope you don't write another chapter. I'm sure your idea of grow and change would have Sharon coming out as Mother Teresa.
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