All Comments on 'Malcubus Ch. 08: Shaken, Then Stirred'

Still loving this series you've been working on. I would love to see Rosie and Eric hook up with another girl.

Amazing stuff as always. Cant wait for some of the real kinky stuff to start coming out!

I've read the ones before this and everything has been good but be more general about sizes. Let people's imagination wonder a little. Other than that keep up the good work and I'll be reading the rest of this series thanks for it.

"On your first night together, fuck her like it's her last fuck. Fuck her so good and so hard that she's left a quivering mass of shaking flesh and sex fluids."

This is steamin' and leaves you wanting more.

If you ever decide to do a re-write/polish for any purpose, you need to fix a character name problem in the scene where Ana and Heaven are introduced.

You introduce Ana's companion as Heaven, then within a sentence, or two, you refer to her as Rachel. A bit confusing.

Also, when you give a character an abnormal name, which 'Heaven' certainly is, you need to work in a back story, and let readers know if it is a given name, chosen nickname, or an earned, or unearned, nickname, assigned by others.

This sort of character name development doesn't need to be immediate, but should take place in the first portion of a character's plot life. The timing of depends on the character's overall life in the story arc; though if the character is a 'throw-away', then there's not much sense in giving them an abnormal name, in the first place, unless you're using it as a device to move the plot in a specific direction, and is essential as such a device.

Not related, just something I have noticed is a half dozen, or so, instances where you have used region, or country related idioms. IE: you've placed your tale in Austin, but use several obvious UK, (or European), terms or names. I haven't read your bio, (didn't plan on adding this part when I started this comment), but my guess is you are from the UK, and the idioms were used without realizing their inconguity to the story's locale.

Just to make it all the more challenging, the US has uniquely regional idioms and colloquial terms/phrases.

One of the more recent is the use of 'uni', when referring to the university several characters will soon be attending. I'm not certain if that is solely a UK/European term, but it is not a common US term, (I'm from the NW US, and it is not used here; my gut tells me it isn't a Texas term, either. Texas does have a tendency toward it's own terms, which adds another layer of difficulty.

Hope this helps, with this, or other writing(s).

Thanks for sharing your imagination, and especially, thanks for all the work it takes to get a story ready for submission.

Regards,

GeoD

It really is enjoyable! And I get names mixed up too when I write- even proofing 3 times!

It's getting boring..... Giving you 5 Stars all the time 😉