All Comments on 'Mine...Yours Pt. 14'

The vamp always seemed like he was gay. I thought he might have wanted Greg as his boy toy. Now reading this, a little more darker than what I thought. Makes sense though. Good job PB. Now hurry up and get back to Lucretia and greg.

I LOVED learning more about William and Nancy. They had a unique relationship even before he learned what she is. Now having some background? I can understand them much better.

For me William isn't the evil one. He seems to have created his own code of ethics from watching society change, using it to Become, Grow, Learn, Surpass.....hmmm...why does that sound familiar....

Gwen is his GRANDDAUGHTER!?! Totally did not see that coming at all!

Something tells me Nancy is going to keep him on his toes.......5+ again

SOOO glad you are back! And looking forward to reading more about them. I think there is nothing wrong with taking Greg's essence when he dies as long as WIlliam doesn't help him along. LOL.

More please! Love William's perspective. Chilling suspense with the paring knife; totally thought he intended to use it on Nancy, really caught me off guard when he stabbed his own eyes!

Loved this chapter, can't wait for the next. Hope Greg gets tangled up with the vampires next, I would love to see Greg and Will go into battle together.

PS: I wonder why I knew that Nancy would have a big ass as a human.

Yes....I would like to know how you knew that too. I wasn't even fully sure until I wrote the scene about Nancy. Do you have some form of Foresight? If you do...please don't tell anyone how the story ends. =-)

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

Thank you for sharing it here! I eagerly await more!

is your skill at infusing the essence of every character in your "as seen by" segments. It has actually led me to the understanding of just how damaged Greg was by the unjust conviction against him, that "compartmentalizing" his emotions as a coping mechanism crippled him.

Intrigued, as observing through the perspective narrative of Lucretia, her discovering and processing emotions she did not even know existed. Also learning to live in a literal "other plane of existence" which before this time, her kind only visited such you and I might visit a Golden Corral for sustenance.

This installment of William's view I especially enjoyed as you artfully allowed me to go along for the ride seemingly inside his head as an objective observer. I had to chuckle when reading the comments that someone had thought William was gay. Although I understand someone making that assumption, he has always brought to my minds eye the vision of an Old World Aristocratic Gentleman. As mythical a creature as a Unicorn or Sasquatch today, it was not uncommon to be able to observe them in their natural habitat as recently as the mid to late 1940's. It's is of course rumored there might be a few around, even today.

It brightens my day PB to find a submission from you, or the other authors I follow on this site as I check every morning. I offer my thanks to you, for a tale well spun!

If there was a higher rateing then five I would of given you that

Best chapter yet.

I love how you can take an object like a gun and personify it into its own caractor like talisman , I would also love the back story on the making of talisman and former uses maybe in a flash back or side story p.s. I left the earlier comment about wishing there was a higher rateing I go by lagada thanks for the great work I look forward to rereading it someday on paper as a best seller

I have been following your tale from the beginning. This is an excellent chapter. William and Nancy are remarkable, interesting characters. I am looking forward to more chapters. Thanks for your submissions.

This was such a good chapter that I've read it twice and am wishing for more! Thank You!

I cannot properly vote if they don't give me the choice of more stars. Five is not enough. Please continue. Without too long of a sabbatical.

That was great. The characters, plot, voice, etc is almost unmatched on this site.

I agree, Five is not enough. I think Seven or Eight might cover it.

I never used to come on the NonHuman area but your story has got me hooked now I'm on edge for the Monsters on the Mountain and Running with Wolves and, and, and...

That was an absolutely fantastic chapter, possibly the best in the series! I loved the ideas and the way the characters were illustrated. Brilliant work!

Spine tingling, snow inducing, chilly, fucking cool. Not enough stars available for this one; William is maybe based on William the Conquerer? And why do I keep hearing George Thouroughgood and the Delaware Destroyers "Bad to the Bone" in the background?

Wish this site had a higher rating system so I could give you more stars.

Loved what you did with William. I just can't get enough of him. Don't get me wrong I love Greg and Lucretia just as much, but WOW! Didn't expect that with William.

And please don't take too long in between stories this time.

I loved William and Nancy as well. But it was hard for me to decide on a couple of things. I wish I could tell you all more about what is coming but I think it would ruin it. I am sorry in didn't write or update more.

Don't want to hear about work and hospital surgery (not for me) or family issues or...yeah. private

But if my fingers b don't break part 15 should come out sooner rather than later.

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

Would love to have a showoff between

Greg, Mother, Greg's father...

Just a friendly fight...

William,Greg, Mother(Queen), Greg's father*

My God I truly wish you would make this into a full length book when you finish it (something I want to not happen for a long, long time! As in several volumes worth of time). I honestly think that this is as good as ninety nine percent of the fantasy books in print today. There might have to be some slight changes made to make it fit better into the mass market mold, but I think it's a great story and a money maker if you do it right.

I won't jump up and down and scream about my own personal desire for something I want to see in your story, I'll just quietly request that you consider the possibility of having the sex charge conviction reversed and well deserved punishment bestowed upon the members of the police, prison staff and judiciary who abused an innocent man. Justice is another way of restoring balance, and besides, the rotters deserve to feel some of the pain that they inflicted on Greg themselves.

What a wonderful sentiment! I have been kicking around the idea of going to a professional publisher and getting Mine...Yours revamped. Oh...what a pun! =-) Then releasing it with all the other things in my mind that I thought would be interesting to put in it the first time around, but was sadly outside of the outline I have written.

To be honest, this part 14 was not in the origonal outline at all, but was to be a separate short story, it's nice to see it was well received.

Now, as to seeing justice done. I already have written it out why will happen, but please understand something. Justice, true justice will never be had. I attempted to show this earlier with Lucretia and the Judge. She had to work it out in her own mind the "what" and the "how" justice will be served. The funny thing is that ever person's definition of justice is different. Does that make justice subjective? If that is true then there is no set standard, no baseline layer of justice! It is a malleable thing that is directed by the whims of those who are powerful enough to enforce it.

So there is no "True Justice" at all. It is merely the justice of the moment/situation/people involved.

For a time I studied criminal law, got very tired of it. My respect for the police who are able to remain true to their calling has been magnified ten fold from what it was before I went to college to learn more about it. However, learning what I did has thrown most of my beliefs about the criminal justice system in the USA into question.

That may be why I am writing the story the way I am? Many people have written to me saying, "This story is so improbable! The legal system could never find someone guilty with such flimsy evidence against someone and such glaringly obvious strikes against the prosecution!"

I am sad to say that it is quite possible and has happened many many times.

Back to the point. This is my story, and there will be justice...though it may not to be to everyone's liking. Though I think I will like it. =-) Since I am the main person who I wish to please by writing this story, please come along for the ride and trust that I will not make it too terrible for you.

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

you are very creative. you are very expressive. your writing and this story is amazing. i must admit, my mind is still on greg n lucretia's developments. greg's new super mage powers, his wish from lucretia's first, lucretia's father next door chatting! however this william, nancy story is much more than expected. wonderful :).

thank you.

p.s. yes, among the best i've ever read.

This has to be one of the best stories I have read. The characters are compelling and have developed and grown as the story has progressed. And, you have never taken your readers for granted. I am looking forward to the next chapter.

This is by far one of the best stories I have read here! Your style and mannerisms are awesome. Thank you for putting pen to paper for this! I can't wait to read more about these characters.

I really enjoy your characters--they're all so delightfully different! Can't wait to read more.

Please write more on William and Nancy, and Gregory and Lucrecia, I want to see the trials they face as they move on with their relationships, and the adventures they must fight through and work together in. (From the Shadows I assume for William until he finally fully trusts Greg with knowing the extent of his reach and power, and when will Nancy show who she really is to Greg and Lucrecia? Also will she become some badass sorceress? How many volumes of usable magic does she have stored in her head? 1876 or close? Not counting journals and other books. So sexy.)

What I'm trying to say is, I am very exited by your story. If you chose, I'm sure you would have no trouble making this story into a complete book and selling that puppy... But I want to see 100 chapters not 14! Haha, very, very good work. If you enjoy this and could stomach becoming a writer, you very much should consider it! Please consider it? =) I'll be here when you reply.

And give you the five stars each of them deserve, barring an addition of more stars...

Very interesting story, but odd thoughts generated from reading it...

Be nice to have Greg cleared of his charges... Though more likely he'll have more problems arise in conjunction with them...

payenbrant, when available I support and strongly urge other readers to support the authors on this site by purchasing their published ebooks. Even when it is the familiar stories posted on Literotica.

Do not concern yourself with major editing revisions. You have a distinctive style. "Polishing" and "reworking" your creation will render it bland and boring. The editors are there to assist you, not write for you.

And never! Ever! Trust any function such as spellcheck, that automatically replaces words. The programmers who code that sludge are basically illiterate homophonphobics.

it is to good to just drop please do not be like so many of the other authors on thissite and not finish it

Seriously. I am working on it. I am working on a few other stories as well. Not going to stop.

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

good to hear more is coming!

thanks for the update comment.

Again as to be expected, a very good update. Please keep up the good work, and like many others waiting on the next update..... You are doing Great.!!!!

Even though we "know" the story from Greg & Lucretia's side I love the extra details & impressions from William & Nancy ( I really like both characters)

love it, to see the angles of William was great. But what next, I am in love with greg, now that the son of a palidn is whole I whant to know what is next. Shatered.

Payenbrant, you, Sir, are a master storyteller. There is no other way to put it. What was already a great story has been taken to a new level. This is easily as good as anything I have read on this site. A big thank you for writing this and letting us read and enjoy your work.

DarkMoon

I discovered this story last night and missed plenty of sleep due to not big able to stop reading it. Well done sir. I hope to see more from you soon.

I am like many others here, and as i have stated in emails and here in the comments. You have done an outstanding job with this story. I for one would like very much to read more about them, there are so many persons in this story that could have their own book based on this one story. Please keep it going. Great Writing and 10 thumbs up for you.

I've been mesmerized by the wonderful tale you have woven. I look forward to the next chapter. I'm glad you've expanded upon William and his story.

Several great nights of immersion from a super story teller, Heinlein, Jance, Tolkein ,King move over and make room for this guy!!!!

where are youuu? :)

hope to hear more from you. hope all's well.

Well written with very few flaws. I hope there is more, but I can also see how this along with chapter 12 could easily wrap the series. Thank you for your time and the entertainment.

Thank you so much for sharing your work. It has been a very long time since I read a tale where I couldn't choose a favorite character. You've done an excellent job!! Waiting patiently for more...

Somore

Your wonderful work has helped me with some difficult hours, and your characters and their world will remain in my head for some time. I look forward to anything else you choose to share, and wish to thank you for sharing this great story.

Please keep writing.

And, thank you.

Just finished reading the whole series and have really enjoyed it from start to finish. Enjoyed the little nuggets of wisdom throughout, the characters and the storyline. Hope you get time to post more stories as I'm sure I won't be alone in looking for them. Cheers

glad to see your bio update a few days ago! unique story in a closing phase.

hope life's peaceful for you.

i look forward to the next chapter. hm no editor... what does the editor do? spelling... grammar... story flow? i can help out if you need, tho i'm not in a writing field.

Dear Payenbrant, I must say that this tale of yours is downright amazing.

The whole concept is intriguing, brilliant even!

I simply cannot wait until the next chapter.

Humble regards - Mrappledarkness

I just had to say I have thoroughly enjoyed this story. The characters are wonderfully developed and entertaining, the subtle life lessons woven throughout, character descriptions...to many things I just love about this story. I am so happy you are working on new chapters. Patience is a virtue and all that BUT a new chapter would be far more enjoyable than being virtuous. It is a challenge but I will patiently wait for your next installment.

For a long time i only come to read erotica stories only. i will avoid all other kids. but urs...OMG u r brilliantly just when i thought u unravelled all mystery u open up a new box full of even bigger mysteries. continue ur work. i thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

May I have some more?

Getting desperate.

I just want you to know I admire your skill as a story teller. I hope to someday come within half of your ability. Please keep up the wonderful work.

Think about publishing. This story has a genuine plot, characters with depth, and orginized pages. It deserves to become something tangible. That was one cent, my other is this: please dont stop, and if this is the end of the story, please write another. Pretty please with sprinkles and frosting, bribes, blackmail, and a cherry on top!

Was a year ago anymore in the pipeline?

I read ur bio and I understand why it needs to happen but to put nothing up for a Lil over a year .then to tell everyone iam taking the story down with no update is kinda wrong if u ask me.

It would take me too long to explain all of the reasons, but I honestly feel bad about not posting anything, and then moving to Amazon to continue writing.

It is not what I would have preffered, I would have preffered to keep writing as I was and having full time work. Since becoming unemployed except for part time and occasional full time work I had to make choices. Those choices involved me stopping writing novels on literotica and only writing short stories here.

I am doing my best, and I ask for all of your forgiveness.

Sincerely,

Payen Brant

I agree with one if the anons who wrote.....

amazing!!

you are very creative. you are very expressive. your writing and this story is amazing. i must admit, my mind is still on greg n lucretia's developments. greg's new super mage powers, his wish from lucretia's first, lucretia's father next door chatting! however this william, nancy story is much more than expected. wonderful :).

thank you.

It is now June 2017 and still now wiser to why her dad is next door and feel like I will never find out as it is already been so long.

Congratulations on getting "Mine...Yours" published to Amazon! Did Heidi Steinmetz illustrate more than just the cover?

I understand about the need to get the bills paid, and why you haven't finished out the novel here. Have you considered creating a Patreon Account, and have people sponsor chapters and stories directly? Just a thought.

I read through Chapter 14 over a few days. It's a good story. You have a facility for description, character, dialog, and story. There are minor problems with grammar. The Your/You're mix-up happens regularly. So does a misuse of the word "to" when you mean, "too."

The story is better when it's smaller. I found the story much more engaging when Greg was making Mother coffee of drinking Mountain Dew with William, rather than fighting grand battles with Werewolves and Lords of the 5th Plane. Greg mocks the story set-up of him being a long lost Prince, several times. So, having Dad be a Paladin was sort of disappointing. The more powerful Greg became in the story, the more he became that "Prince." As far as I could tell, Mom and Reg might have been the only named human characters without magical powers.

The sex was good (well described) and hot enough when you finally got around to it. Greg has a thing for wanting to make love with Lucretia in all her forms, her human, succubus, and battle forms. I think that's sexy, and natural. You want to experience and take in ALL of your lover.

This may be too kinky for your tastes, or for the assumed tastes of your readers. But I was wondering about William and Nancy. Would William desire to "know" his lover in all her forms too? What would sex between a Vampyre and a Rat be like? Can William transform himself into a bat or other animals? Could William change size, to become similar sized to Rat-Nancy? Is sex with a sentient rat bestiality? If Hildy and Greg made love, would he want to "know" her in all her forms, human, wolf and transitional?

I really like that Nancy wants William to get evil on Allan Wade Dickson at the end. I can see how she might want to exact revenge on the Wizard. But, I don't see William wanting to consume him, and take on Dickson's memories or any aspect of his personality. I think that would be a HUGE turn-off for Nancy, to see her lover take on the memories and personality of the man she despises. Maybe you explore that in the Amazon chapters.

I read too much Literotica. So my tastes are skewed toward the kinky and porny side of literature. But I was sorry that Greg and Lucretia's sexual adventures were limited to each other. Hildy, Gwen, and Jemima were all very sexy, and at different times, the possibility of an intimate relationship with Greg between each of them (especially Hildy) was put forward. Unfortunately, Lucretia is defined by her possessiveness and violent jealously. That makes the fantasy threesome of Greg, Hildy and Lucretia harder to work out. Or the fantasy orgy of Greg, Lucretia and the Gatewatch even harder to work out. But, that might be something to explore, if you decide to put another volume of Greg's adventures up on Amazon.

On the romantic side, I think Greg's Mom might start pestering the lovers to get married and start having grandchildren! If a Djinn can impregnate a succubus, can a human? Is it sperm that impregnates succubi, or just raw passion? Again, that might be something to explore in the next volume.

Thanks for leaving "Mine...Yours" up on Literotica (up through Chapter 14). I can see why it's gotten such high ratings and rabid fan following. I'll be checking out your other stories here.

Been making my way through this story as I have the time, sad that there's no ending but understandable. You've done a good job and achieved a high rating on all the chapters, keep it up!

To mirror one of the previous comments, one thing I particularly enjoyed was the sex with several different forms of one character, I don't believe I've ever seen that before now.

Bravo, lad!

The character depth you added gives dimensions to your subjects that few authors reach. Please continue your yarns as they weave a fine tapestry.

Cordially,

~Uncle Bozzin

It's crappy that the story was never finished.

Yes it was. Please read my bio.

the story and characters are great, but only making it available on amazon kinda sucks.

please rethink opening up a patreon account.

I have made it this far and have loved every moment. This chapter was an added bonus and can be a start for another novel. I didn't know that this was for sale on amazon until someone mentioned it. I will purchase it for future use. I tend to reread books after a few years time.

So this wasn’t complete here after all. Guess I should’ve checked the last chapter before plunging in. A good story nevertheless, maybe I’ll buy the book to get to see how this ends.

Just so good! Nancy is just so wholesome, she fits the old world manners of William perfectly.

5⭐️ Thanks for writing and posting, cheers Ppfzz.