I didn't even bother reading whatever crap you tried to serve up. I don't care. You flogged this horse to death. You've beaten it into submission. Quit writing.
by
Anonymous02/21/16
Stop try to make this story happen
It's. Not. Going. To. Happen.
by
Anonymous02/21/16
this is ......
very bad 0*
by
Anonymous02/21/16
Thank You!
I enjoyed that. I especially like the cloak and dagger stuff involving the sadist.
simply put .. just did not understand this at all . my opinion this is just stupid
by
Anonymous02/21/16
It's fascinating how the writer
has gone over the edge because he received a lot of comments on this story, originally. He cannot give up his 15 seconds of fame. He is obsessed with it. I fear he'll try writing about the kids, the cousins, the secret killers, anything just to remain in this moment, which is totally gone, by the way.
I liked Bob learned not to take marriage for granted.
Just wish Bob would have nipped situation in first chapter and kept marriage.
Atleast both seem to be happy in the end.
Why do you keep coming back to this story? Epilogues and ill advised rewrites .... I know you put a lot of work into it but remember it was your own narrative choices that stopped this tale from being a top story not anything else ( except perhaps your rush to finish it ). It's over .... Move on .... Write something new.
by
Anonymous02/21/16
1*
Can't you understand when enough is enough?
by
Anonymous02/21/16
Another one?
Beating a dead horse. You're spiraling out of control, Justbobkc. No one liked the original dungheap of a story. Why do you keep doing this? You aren't helping your cause. Please just go away. Just don't write any more and we'll all be quite happy with you. You have zero credibility at this point.
by
Anonymous02/21/16
I have no idea why you wrote this. Do you?
I think you need some colleagues to discuss your work with. You need some feedback you trust, and that you can learn from. I suspect this epilogue would be fun to discuss with you. It was pointless to read.
by
Anonymous02/21/16
Give it up!!
Please, Please, Please STOP!! You're just using the space a good writer could
utilize! This is worse than the last one you submitted!!!!
by
Anonymous02/21/16
5 very good LW story
if the asshole of LIT hates it , then the story must be good!!
I had to laugh at the gratuitous comments of one "Anonny" when he said that no one like the original story, which of course was patently BS and that does not stand for Babs S. Yes, this Epilogue was not necessary and there are some things to nit pic about, but if the author wanted to write it, so be it. It did seem rushed a bit and more about tying up of loose ends that didn't need to be tied up. This probably should have been a continuation of the original with the various characters developed around a somewhat different story line.
Find a totally different story line and start over. Find a good editor that will keep you lined up with the storyline so you don't start wandering into juvenile stroke stories. If you want to write stroke stories do not expect them to rate very well as none of them do. Read some of the Hall of Fame stories and see what the really good writers do. Small amounts of erotic sexual encounters but mostly just really great stories about good characters. They do not vary their storylines.
by
Anonymous02/21/16
No Excuse for This Story
It started out interesting then went down hill from there. For some reason the author refused to let go. Subject wise it's all over the place, ending up with the Literotica favorite of some sort of bad ass "black ops."
At most this story could have been wrapped up in 4 chapters. Instead we get at least 8 chapters, if the epilogue is counted. Personally, I think this author should continue writing, if he can learn to stay on subject. I gave this story a one star, simply because it has no reason to exist.
by
Anonymous02/21/16
Confused
I read the whole thing and never really found the erotic part of it. Was it the whipping? Was it the killing? Either way, neither one was very indept. There was a brief mention of sex, but no detailed elaboration to the subject. There were so many characters, but very little depth to them. Maybe classing this as a loving wives story was mismatched. It should be more of a faux action adventure. Just my honest opinion.
Serena Williams??? black opts??? You really have quite the imagination.. This ending was over the top to me, but it was a way to tie up some loose ends.. Keep writing. Look forward to more..
by
Anonymous02/21/16
Enough already.
This was a pathetic story. It should have been over a long time ago. 1*
by
Anonymous02/21/16
Lost it...
...where the story went to. Too much confusion and too much bla bla.
by
Anonymous02/21/16
Superfluous and Seedy
This exercise is completely unnecessary. It's just gratuitous sex and violence that adds nothing to plot or character. If you're going to write, you need to learn what to cut. This series had a lot of potential, but you undermined that potential in the later chapters, then blew it up with this "Epilogue."
It is hard to fathom the point of this. It's smacks of trying to salvage the story, but it fails. It's as if you went into writing the story with visions of it being hailed as some kind of magnum opus, and when the reaction increasingly drifted to "meh" you tried to make something out of it between this and the alternate chapter 1.
Stop. You tried, and it really didn't work. Nothing you add to this story will change that.
Look, the only ones who seem to be giving this any praise are the ones who give the same trite, rote, cliche comments (e.g.,, 5 for effort and content, posting anonymous comments slamming anony, or the assholes of LIT). That's not good.
Well said. Author needs to either accept the results on a rather meh story that got away from them or pull it from the site if the scoring, comments and reader reaction bothers them. This re-doing bits and pieces is just sad and is not going to change anyone's mind.
by
Anonymous02/22/16
next time
next time u do a story start out the wife doing the shit on wimpy sick guy.but before the story ends in the first chapter have a dom female take his ass from his fool wife and have a war between the ladies not the the male babbling over a sloppy pussy of a wife.
When a story is annoying people on this section this much I'm airways struck by the possibility it might be worth reading. But no, just tried to start at the beginning of this and it's garbage. The constant changing perspectives doesn't add anything, you repeat yourself constantly as a result of it too. And mostly it's just badly written.
Guess it's good it's finally over, don't add any more epilogues or remakes, this isn't worth it.
by
Anonymous02/22/16
IS IT FINALLY OVER??
Stopped reading this after chapter2, justbobkc. I did enjoy your addition to RichardGerald, "The Bridge-A Little More". I want to say I look forward to an original stand alone story from you soon.
It looks like your english has improved. Now you just need an idea.
Good luck, justbobkc .
Thanks again to everyone reading, voting, and commenting
Uh - hate to break it to anyone but it's my story - and I'm working it.
And all those so dismissive of "formulaic" human condition stories - read the Bible and Shakespeare, Gilgamesh and Greek Mythology - and that covers it all. It's ALL formulaic and already been done, since basically about 5000-10,000 years ago.
Love, hate, craziness, brilliance, sex (in ALL forms including incest, sodomy, bestiality and pedophilia), marriage, adultery, and even abortion, etc. etc. etc.)
So - Duh! Hell yes my stories are "formulaic". ;-)
English
For the love of...
I didn't even bother reading whatever crap you tried to serve up. I don't care. You flogged this horse to death. You've beaten it into submission. Quit writing.
Stop try to make this story happen
It's. Not. Going. To. Happen.
this is ......
very bad 0*
Thank You!
I enjoyed that. I especially like the cloak and dagger stuff involving the sadist.
Move On
Enough of these people. Move on. No new insight here.
no understanding
simply put .. just did not understand this at all . my opinion this is just stupid
It's fascinating how the writer
has gone over the edge because he received a lot of comments on this story, originally. He cannot give up his 15 seconds of fame. He is obsessed with it. I fear he'll try writing about the kids, the cousins, the secret killers, anything just to remain in this moment, which is totally gone, by the way.
Not worth reading nor writing
Save your time for better purposes, readers (for the author this tip obviously comes too late)!
Good closer
I liked Bob learned not to take marriage for granted.
Just wish Bob would have nipped situation in first chapter and kept marriage.
Atleast both seem to be happy in the end.
Really weak
This does not add anything other than "and they lived happily ever after. No twists no likeable insight...
You have some compulsive issues. Why won't you just let this story die, end or simply go away?
Why ? ....
Why do you keep coming back to this story? Epilogues and ill advised rewrites .... I know you put a lot of work into it but remember it was your own narrative choices that stopped this tale from being a top story not anything else ( except perhaps your rush to finish it ). It's over .... Move on .... Write something new.
1*
Can't you understand when enough is enough?
Another one?
Beating a dead horse. You're spiraling out of control, Justbobkc. No one liked the original dungheap of a story. Why do you keep doing this? You aren't helping your cause. Please just go away. Just don't write any more and we'll all be quite happy with you. You have zero credibility at this point.
I have no idea why you wrote this. Do you?
I think you need some colleagues to discuss your work with. You need some feedback you trust, and that you can learn from. I suspect this epilogue would be fun to discuss with you. It was pointless to read.
Give it up!!
Please, Please, Please STOP!! You're just using the space a good writer could
utilize! This is worse than the last one you submitted!!!!
5 very good LW story
if the asshole of LIT hates it , then the story must be good!!
I had to laugh at the gratuitous comments of one "Anonny" when he said that no one like the original story, which of course was patently BS and that does not stand for Babs S. Yes, this Epilogue was not necessary and there are some things to nit pic about, but if the author wanted to write it, so be it. It did seem rushed a bit and more about tying up of loose ends that didn't need to be tied up. This probably should have been a continuation of the original with the various characters developed around a somewhat different story line.
Quit
Find a totally different story line and start over. Find a good editor that will keep you lined up with the storyline so you don't start wandering into juvenile stroke stories. If you want to write stroke stories do not expect them to rate very well as none of them do. Read some of the Hall of Fame stories and see what the really good writers do. Small amounts of erotic sexual encounters but mostly just really great stories about good characters. They do not vary their storylines.
No Excuse for This Story
It started out interesting then went down hill from there. For some reason the author refused to let go. Subject wise it's all over the place, ending up with the Literotica favorite of some sort of bad ass "black ops."
At most this story could have been wrapped up in 4 chapters. Instead we get at least 8 chapters, if the epilogue is counted. Personally, I think this author should continue writing, if he can learn to stay on subject. I gave this story a one star, simply because it has no reason to exist.
Confused
I read the whole thing and never really found the erotic part of it. Was it the whipping? Was it the killing? Either way, neither one was very indept. There was a brief mention of sex, but no detailed elaboration to the subject. There were so many characters, but very little depth to them. Maybe classing this as a loving wives story was mismatched. It should be more of a faux action adventure. Just my honest opinion.
Come On......
Serena Williams??? black opts??? You really have quite the imagination.. This ending was over the top to me, but it was a way to tie up some loose ends.. Keep writing. Look forward to more..
Enough already.
This was a pathetic story. It should have been over a long time ago. 1*
Lost it...
...where the story went to. Too much confusion and too much bla bla.
Superfluous and Seedy
This exercise is completely unnecessary. It's just gratuitous sex and violence that adds nothing to plot or character. If you're going to write, you need to learn what to cut. This series had a lot of potential, but you undermined that potential in the later chapters, then blew it up with this "Epilogue."
WTF???
WTF???
What was the point?
It is hard to fathom the point of this. It's smacks of trying to salvage the story, but it fails. It's as if you went into writing the story with visions of it being hailed as some kind of magnum opus, and when the reaction increasingly drifted to "meh" you tried to make something out of it between this and the alternate chapter 1.
Stop. You tried, and it really didn't work. Nothing you add to this story will change that.
Look, the only ones who seem to be giving this any praise are the ones who give the same trite, rote, cliche comments (e.g.,, 5 for effort and content, posting anonymous comments slamming anony, or the assholes of LIT). That's not good.
Re - What was the point?
Well said. Author needs to either accept the results on a rather meh story that got away from them or pull it from the site if the scoring, comments and reader reaction bothers them. This re-doing bits and pieces is just sad and is not going to change anyone's mind.
next time
next time u do a story start out the wife doing the shit on wimpy sick guy.but before the story ends in the first chapter have a dom female take his ass from his fool wife and have a war between the ladies not the the male babbling over a sloppy pussy of a wife.
Just some clarifications...
Just some clarifications...The most important how the sadist died...3*
Wow
When a story is annoying people on this section this much I'm airways struck by the possibility it might be worth reading. But no, just tried to start at the beginning of this and it's garbage. The constant changing perspectives doesn't add anything, you repeat yourself constantly as a result of it too. And mostly it's just badly written.
Guess it's good it's finally over, don't add any more epilogues or remakes, this isn't worth it.
IS IT FINALLY OVER??
Stopped reading this after chapter2, justbobkc. I did enjoy your addition to RichardGerald, "The Bridge-A Little More". I want to say I look forward to an original stand alone story from you soon.
It looks like your english has improved. Now you just need an idea.
Good luck, justbobkc .
AMerryman
Doesn't This Story Ever End?
The longer this story gets the worse it is. Please tell me it is over! It wanders around like a drunk.
Thanks again to everyone reading, voting, and commenting
Uh - hate to break it to anyone but it's my story - and I'm working it.
And all those so dismissive of "formulaic" human condition stories - read the Bible and Shakespeare, Gilgamesh and Greek Mythology - and that covers it all. It's ALL formulaic and already been done, since basically about 5000-10,000 years ago.
Love, hate, craziness, brilliance, sex (in ALL forms including incest, sodomy, bestiality and pedophilia), marriage, adultery, and even abortion, etc. etc. etc.)
So - Duh! Hell yes my stories are "formulaic". ;-)
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