Lesson from My Sister

Great story add to it

Not bad

U might want to fire your editor. Lousy job. ***

Average for the genre

It's difficult to come up with something that differentiates a story from the thousands of others in a category. You didn't quite make it with this story. I read it without enough immersion to notice something like this:

"stick your finger in me as far as you can with your palm facing up...yes, now curl your finger toward yourself"

How else would you curl your finger with your hand in this position? Away from yourself? Sideways? Bent backward? I know it's a silly question but it's representative of the banal writing of the story in general. You didn't take enough time to set up their relationship. She just comes in and plops down on the bed as casually as taking her seat at the breakfast table and five minutes later they're having sex.

Nice try but no cigar.

thanks to the editor....

There were far too many glaring errors for this story to have gone before an editor. It really ruins it.

need another chapter good job

need another chapter good job

Fun read

Fun read right through the grammar police issues. The "curl" was a quote from a girl who has a finger in her cunt -- "yes, now curl your finger toward yourself" is what she said. I've heard similar before and it makes no difference whether it is anatomically correct or not. That what's she said. A quote is a quote.

So a fun and goes to show, you can learn a lot as a freshmen... although from my very limited experience, I doubt many do. Thanks.

You really need an editor

Punctuation errors in this story are rife and make it difficult to read - sometimes making nonsense of what you are trying to say. Suggest your editor seeks some help in making your story more readable.

Just a missing word

My friend it wasn't bad but I caught myself stop by the sentence in which she pushed back her hair...but the word hair wasn't there...other than that the wording of that sentence and really the whole story was fantastic