A well crafted naughty little taboo romp! Packed with fun taboo action. Thanks again Melly and more please!
by
Anonymous02/26/16
Fair story littered with typos and bullshit. Try again.
by
Anonymous02/26/16
What a load of
C.R.A.P
Whilst the premise of story is good & it could of been great & story can be/hopefully will be continued.It really Needed back story
#Come'On'Man!! One random day & just Out of the blue her brother decides to fuck her! & his mate just happens to being there
Come'On'Man!! make it a LITTLE BIT believable
by
Anonymous02/27/16
Loved it. Would love to see the video. . .Can't wait for the next chapter.
by
Anonymous02/27/16
Rape is not Love.
The sister is being prostituted by her brother with is ethnic friend. It is not believable Typos and grammar are terrible. The fact that this author ended with a Peeping Tom Neighbor with a video camera only put the sister into continuous blackmail and further exploitation. Sex should be full of love and passion, not rape, blackmail and exploitation
Comments are from a female reader. Have some pride in self and some moral principles. In total I found this story disgusting.. ..
by
Anonymous02/27/16
Sick
Very sick. Nothing erotic here
by
Anonymous02/27/16
nice try
Wow you people are being way too harsh.. it's just a quick story not a novel.. lol and how anyone could call this rape is amusing at best.. she was never forced lol.. and yes there are the typos and structure issues as stated but how about constructive criticism rather than just bashing someone for trying... yes for a more interesting read you would need to give some level of back story.. whether they has done it before or he had just been trying for a long time or something and also more description of the characters other than the sexual aspects would help also.. not a bad try and don't let any of these close-minded people distract you from these kinds of fetishes if this is what you're into..
by
Anonymous02/27/16
Loved it!
Hope there will be more including time with Juan's sister. :)
by
Anonymous02/27/16
Juvenile Fantasy
Immature assholes have sex with foolish girl would also be a possible title.
English
Love it!
A well crafted naughty little taboo romp! Packed with fun taboo action. Thanks again Melly and more please!
Fair story littered with typos and bullshit. Try again.
What a load of
C.R.A.P
Whilst the premise of story is good & it could of been great & story can be/hopefully will be continued.It really Needed back story
#Come'On'Man!! One random day & just Out of the blue her brother decides to fuck her! & his mate just happens to being there
Come'On'Man!! make it a LITTLE BIT believable
Loved it. Would love to see the video. . .Can't wait for the next chapter.
Rape is not Love.
The sister is being prostituted by her brother with is ethnic friend. It is not believable Typos and grammar are terrible. The fact that this author ended with a Peeping Tom Neighbor with a video camera only put the sister into continuous blackmail and further exploitation. Sex should be full of love and passion, not rape, blackmail and exploitation
Comments are from a female reader. Have some pride in self and some moral principles. In total I found this story disgusting.. ..
Sick
Very sick. Nothing erotic here
nice try
Wow you people are being way too harsh.. it's just a quick story not a novel.. lol and how anyone could call this rape is amusing at best.. she was never forced lol.. and yes there are the typos and structure issues as stated but how about constructive criticism rather than just bashing someone for trying... yes for a more interesting read you would need to give some level of back story.. whether they has done it before or he had just been trying for a long time or something and also more description of the characters other than the sexual aspects would help also.. not a bad try and don't let any of these close-minded people distract you from these kinds of fetishes if this is what you're into..
Loved it!
Hope there will be more including time with Juan's sister. :)
Juvenile Fantasy
Immature assholes have sex with foolish girl would also be a possible title.
more
More more more, so hot
Loved it
Great fantasy.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Backyard Banging or
More submissions by melodytokis.