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Interesting idea, terrible execution
The second person POV is really, really bad. I suppose people use it to create a sense of intimacy they can't get otherwise - it never works. It just makes the author's product seem artificial - completely artificial
Your essay/story would be better - much much better - with paragraphs because it would become at least somewhat readable. These long long long long paragraphs threaten to become gibberish unless the reader is willing to make up for the author's laziness/bad habits.
Re: II,TE
Thanks, Witton. I appreciate the time you took to write me the feedback.
I normally don't do second person - I guess there's a reason why. :) I'll take this to heart in future endeavours. I also notice because I am not writing often anymore, I'm very rusty, sadly. Hopefully one day I can commit more time to this style of story again and see if I can craft a better one.
Thank you again for your thoughts.
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