stand back stay low

I sense something here.

This is cool. And hot. A cool idea for a poem, and quite well followed through. Yup, I like it.

But somehow there's potentional for something bigger. If you take this part:

"they squint for a week
and still see spots
where we once stood"

and build another poem around it, ommitting most of the blunter "we're hot" and "we burn" lines, it just might become the most erotic poem I've ever read.

Btw, when I think of it, those three lines is a bloody strong poem by themselves. :)