Nikki: My Friend's Smug Wife

Dumb Story***

Thanks for the read.

its not going to be hard, You have them fucking already, Shes a slut otherwise she would be playing like she had a husband, No need for part 2

Next!

Thanks, looking forward to pt2

If this ended here...

If this ended here could be a so, so short story, not funny but easy to read, letting the moral aspects open, for each of the readers to decide...Not ending here, then I believe the whole story will go down faster than a rocket in the sky...My advise is: stop it here and let the end open...2*

This story is too short

to garner any support for another chapter. However, if there is to be another chapter, make it long enough to better develop the characters. Also, give us some long and descriptive sex and let us know how the husband reacts to his wife being fucked by his best friend. 1* for now.

JUDGEMENT RESERVED!

Okay--it's your first story, so I'll wait to score it. Maybe just a little advice which will be worth exactly what it costs you; make each chapter a bit longer. Good really short stories can be written, but usually not by beginners. Try to develop the characters more. What do they think, what are their goals, have they cheated before, how does the husband feel about sharing....you get the idea? Try to make them someone we'd know if we were around them for a few days.

Looking forward to seeing where you take this.

So bad

The language was so awful and the dialog so ridiculous that I gave up. It was mildly interesting if it had been readable. You badly need an editor. You'll never succeed here with your level of language skills without an editor.

Too Short...

... has potential, but 1 page stories are a real letdown. Recommend you have more to post before actually posting in the future.

Nicely told

I really liked this story. You've created three credible characters and shown us at least some aspects of the interesting dynamic between them. And you've done it in one short page, mostly through dialog. The story is like a screen play---one main scene with building emotion as the narrator and his friend's smug wife banter, inadvertently reveal deeper feelings, and move towards ...

I agree with one of the previous posters that part of the charm of the story is that the resolution is left uncertain. You've certainly created the tension. The narrator is very attracted to Nikki, and now he's alone with her, and she flirts about him trying to get into her pants. But the reason he's there in the first place is only to try to establish a more amiable relationship between the two of them for his friend's sake. And he sees that she does not really mean for her teasing words to be taken literally.

The resolution I'm rooting for is that the narrator and Nikki overcome temptation, strong as it is. The fact that they came so close makes them take a deeper look at each other. They realize that their bickering and smugness comes in large part from jealousy, the narrator's jealousy of his friend's hot wife, Nikki's jealousy of her husband's close buddy. They become supportive friends, hard as that might be, and the three of them go to the film festivals together. Of course you'll be able to write it much more dramatically than that.

Not bad, but you need an editor

I think the length is okay for the story you are trying to tell, but your ESL is showing. This isn't bad writing, like some here have said, but an editor could help you correct some of the glaring errors you made. They aren't your fault, and the fact that you write so well in English means you must write very well in your native language.

That being said, why stop writing? Give it another shot, but remember that a story that short has to be raring from word one. It's often easier to write a longer story for that very reason.

Painting yourself into a corner

Some more experienced authors create characters and a setting, and let things go where they may. Such an approach can give interesting results, but in this case?
The next chapter may the narrator rape the woman, and leaves her shattered psychologically/ This is not an outcome good except for a few hard core misogynists. The usual cliched outcome is that the woman melts like butter and has multiple orgasms. How the husband deals with either result will not be pleasant, unless ... he likes being cuckolded ... yeah, I suppose that would work, sort of. Or your narrator could ejaculate prematurely, and then not be able to get erect again. This conclusion works as well as any other, and better than most, which says very little.

My advice: figure out where you are going before you start. One of the tags suggests that you have picked the multiple orgasmic cheating wife approach. What is the equivalent in Indian English to the American idiom "train wreck"? I think that is where you are going in a story telling sense.

Good start

Love the premise, keep writing. xoxoxoxoxoAnnette

great start, poor finish

You had her going your way when you werent making a play. You pissed into the wind when you admitted you wanted to stick it in. Now youre just another ding-a-ling on her string. 4

Not defined

I couldn't figure out Who the characters were! I couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman telling the story... Which could have played well... but just left me confused until the part where you said... "I was rock hard." Which again could've been a great twist but just left me pissed. Sorry thumbs down on this one.

☆☆☆☆☆- (5-) = 4.55/5.0 = 91% = A

Plausible. Believeable. Realistic.
Good for both men & women.
Imaginative guys can use it as a jack-off fantasy, but most readers will read Ch's 2 & 3.
In real life, this could be the begining of something new.

No Reason For Brevity

You ended the story in such a place that it killed what you were creating. Erotica is for masturbation and causing feelings of sexual passion...now I have to put away my cock and find the next part...or not.

I liked this story. Gave it a 4.75

Vicky's karma, & his duty, @ this stage of his life is
(a) to be very nice to Nikki, accept her for who she is, & always put her best interest above his own
(b) to fuck her brains out
(c) to keep the secret untill he dies, without dislosing it to anybody ever

NICELY TOLD. NIKKI IS A KEEPER. I AM GLAD I CAME ACROSS IT

Nikki makes her husband very happy.
She can make Vicky very happy, too.

There is a period in each woman's life when she can have two men in her life. It need not be a zaro-sum game where there are winners & losers. It can be a win-win situation! A woman like Nikki won't ever neglect her husband. He will be # 1 at all times. The other man will be the 2nd violine. A woman's heart can love two men. A woman's body needs two men (or more!)

When a woman is at her peak, the 2nd man in her life will not adversely affect her performance at work, her motherly duties, her marriage in general, her interaction with her in-laws &/or her own family...

LIKE

:-)