All Comments on 'Kelly & Claire Ch. 01'

Pretty good, the sex was kind of lackluster, and it needs better spacing between parts. I was getting confused, Claire would be out with kelly, and the next paragraph suddenly says, "Claire answered the phone." Put some symbols or an additional blank line in between those parts and it would have been a bit better.

It's hard to tell whether the story itself feels contrived, or whether it just suffers from lack of form and style. You could use an editor, both to address the style issues, and to do some continuity checking, for example, on their first date, Kelly calls Claire on the phone, and then before the second date, the phone rings, and it's Kelly and Claire didn't know she had her number? Of course she did, she called her last week. etc...

There are definite flashes of heat in the story, but the structural problems distract. The action is rushed, and the climactic moments too abrupt. You can tell it was written by a guy. That being said, there is definite potential here if S.C. can develop the sensitivity to more accurately describe the most important events

the writing style or the fact that every story this person has is about the same 2 girls & it's always their first time. be more original...there are girls named things other than kelly & claire

This is one of the lousiest stories I've seen on this site. From beginning to end, poor quality. It was an insult to the reader.

That a Literotica screener thought this trash was good enough to publish doesn't speak well for Lit standards. This is absolutely terrible.