All Comments on 'Claire Gets a Surprise'

I hope this is not the only part to this story, it is pretty good

My stories are mostly pretty short, but you have a point. I myself, as the author, would love to know what happens next to Tyler and Claire, particularly since they are both exhibitionists and voyeurs. The possibilities are endless. Let me dwell for awhile, and I'll try for a chapter 2, and maybe more..

Follow-up would be great. Thanks.

Huh? Stop start - stop again to go to an apartment to finish what they never started, and the "beg-ending" was rushed.

You do a disservice to sexual identity when you misunderstand the subject so completely. Your story use gender confusion as pivotal to plot & characters yet you totally botched up what it is & how it manifests. Hint: it's not a linear eithet-or because it isn't binary.

Other issue in paragraph one is that "virginity" doesn't just happen asas you infer. One makes a conscious thoughtful examination of their faith & morals. It's an active conscious choice, not a frivolous one or an accidental happenstance.

I read a bit more & didn't like thethe erratic writing & cookie cutter characters. It wasn't a fun read. The phrasing was stilted & awlwardawkward, the dialogue didn't feel real, & the story bored me.

Hi, Kumquat,

Really? Naturally, I plead guilty as charged for your paragraphs 1 and 2. But, my dear, remember that this is a STORY, it's FICTION, it's FANTASY, it's INTENDED TO ENTERTAIN, NOT ELUCIDATE. If you are reading stories on Literotica for the purpose of critiquing the sexual politics of the writers, you have completely missed the point of Literotica.

As for not liking the story, that's certainly your prerogative. Read some of my other stories. You might be less offended, and might even like one or two of them. Try "My First Week At College".

How like a man to resort to attacking me for being some kinda feminazi. Your assumption & comment was thoughtless & an unwarranted personal attack on me. If you're gonna post here at least have the balls to take a comment without being so damned thin skinned & defensive. I read stories to be entertained but expect consistency & that there be a natural flow to them. Whatever world you paint with your words, I need you to make that world vibrant & true to the world you've created.

Your story failed. And you slapped me because I posted a critical comment. Such a childish response, dude. Shame on you for presuming to lecture me on what Literotica.com is all about.

sparkle8

At the rate you are going you'll end up alienating every woman here. What's next? Are you going to get angry because I've dared challenge you male authority & start trashing me for being a dyke?

Where's your sense of decency man? You insist on doing this in public, sniping at me behind the cover of other commenters. I've given you my personal email & asked you to discuss these issues directly but still you refuse, & still you persist on name calling & bullying & denigrating women. Your Bio says you over 60 but you're not displaying any of the wisdom or grace that comes with age. Your shameful denigrations if women &how you continue to slut-shame me as a reader is unconscionable & pathetic. I made a tame criticism & you reacted as if I'd kicked you in the testes.

There's more I could say & if there was a hope for dialogue I'd go on but it's obvious that your entrenched misogyny is well defended & we won't get anywhere.

You behaving like a petulant child & a bully yet you're 60+ years old. So much for wisdom & grace in ones golden years.

The two of you are both behaving like squabbling little children, I suggest stopping before you make bigger fools of yourselves.

@Kumquat: you initiated the mud slinging so you don't have a leg to stand on. Your rant starting "How like a man" and it's follow up offers a display of leaping to conclusions that would impress an Olympic triple jumper. How you got that you were being attacked like a feminazi I can't fathom.

@sparkle8: descending to an opponents level is never classy, particularly when you're speaking from a position that confers a presumption of maturity, such as an author. Being condescending to critics, regardless of how unjustified you feel their comments are, leads readers to view you as lacking the grace and humility that is usually considered important for writers. Tact and diplomacy are the traits you should be demonstrating. An occasional indulgence is OK but even that should be in good taste.

To the story, which i must honestly say I only have time to speed read, there are some justification to the complaints of it not quite flowing properly. The initial character setup makes no sense in the context of the rest of the story...

You describe her as gender confused yet she shows no symptoms of it. You say it lead to her being a virgin yet that is unrealistic, backward and seems to be largely irrelevant to the rest. You say masturbation was her solution to reducing gender confusion yet that has questionable basis in reality where many transgender youth hate their genitals.

Essentially you seem to have confused gender identity for sexual identity.

Past that point the tale lacks engagement, it feels more like something someone would tell me at a bar than a rich narrative that leaves me wanting more. The ending feels like it could be followed with "So, how was your day?"... It feels like a rushed deflation instead of a climax.

Good erotic story telling still needs to be good story telling in general.

You guys can't stand it when a woman stands up to you. Now Heisenburg comes along & decides his account of events is actually fact. And he presumes to bitchslap me & the author as well. You dudes just hate it when a woman says No.

I didn't actually expect anything else in reply from you, KumquatMay, but I gave you the opportunity to act maturely anyway. This isn't even unusual behaviour for you at this point, so I think I'm being fair in asking you to grow the hell up.

I addressed exactly one paragraph to you and that was nothing more than me pointing out that the comments you posted appeared disproportionate to what they were replying to, that you were giving the appearance of intentionally escalating the situation and causing drama. Your reaction, being as it is nothing but personal insults and an implied accusation of being a rapist, does nothing to help your case. You're even criticising me for "bitch slapping" the author when you were just accusing said author of being a misogynistic, slut shaming bully. Hypocrisy much?

I don't know if you genuinely feel your behaviour is justified and acceptable or if you're trolling us in some kind of bizarre fashion... For all I know you might believe that we actually are attacking you some how. I don't pretend to know who you really are or what your mental health is like.

What I will say is that I advise you seek help, if you genuinely need it, or to accept our admission of falling for your trolling, if that is what you genuinely wish to hear... But regardless of the case please take your drama and slurs elsewhere. I don't pretend to speak for all the users of this site, but on my own behalf I say that your behaviour is not wanted here.

Whatever it is you are looking for in this place, I can't imagine the long term out come being healthy for you regardless of what any of us say or do to you.

Kumquat, I am not the evil sexist pig you make me out to be. If you are trolling Heisen and myself, shame on you . I would like to take this to private e-mail to continue the discussion, but I have no idea how to do that. I didn't know that other members could get my private e-mail. But if you can, fire away. I want to clear the air, as I meant no harm with my story and could not possibly have known it would generate such a firestorm. I am away for a funeral, so may or may not answer immediately.