The Dark Horse Candidate

Edit?

The premise is insulting and your fantasy version of the power of hypnosis is beyond belief. You misused perusing (to read or study thoroughly). Then there was "\said, dotted vs. doted." By that time I got to missing your missing object pronoun (somewhere around injection time), I lost interest.

Bad bad bad

Too many typos and wrong words used. Too painful and distracting to read. An editor perhaps.

Who?

First it's Charles, then Jacob? You seriously need to concentrate on what you're writing. You also need a decent story line and an editor.

Sloppy, all around.

Sloppy concept, sloppy writing, sloppy story. And no, that's not a compliment. You really should leave writing to those who are capable. You're clearly not.

Total load of crap

Don't waste the readers time writing an or of this shit

I

Guess everyone said it all there is nothing more to add

Dark Ho

Great story. Nadia being interviewed for a job. Then he finds the daughter he never knew he had. Good stuff. You do need contractions and punctuation. Your is possessive. You are is YOU'RE.

why would she be after his family when he didn't do anything to her?taking revenge against a man who knew nothing about her just shows she is fucked up.

Needs a lot of work

I couldn't finish reading the story, The concept seemed interesting at the beginning, but the horrible grammar just put me off. Please consider using an editor next time, and think the story through a little better.

Sorry couldn't finish

Grammar, punctuation, story line all need lots of work. No stars.

Good Writing

Competent writing is far more than just putting words together. Punctuation, spelling and grammar - all are important to a decent writer. Learn how to use them, then develop your story. Then, one day perhaps, Good Writing will be an appropriate title for a review of one of your stories.

1star (a gift)

That was the strangest crap I've ever read. Please don't write any more.