homeErotic CouplingsMixing Business and PleasurePublic Comments

All Comments  for

Mixing Business and Pleasure

bykai_ra©
All
Comments (8)
by Anonymous

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous03/14/16

Good Story

Enjoyed your first story.

One comment, hopefully constructive is about your use of laid, as in "I laid down on the bed". That should be "I lay down on the bed". Laid is correct when it is I laid something down on the bed.

However I note that an awful lot of writers make that same mistate.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous03/14/16

Okay for a first start!

You had some incomplete phrases, so you might need an editor: "But as the months and years went by, spending time alone with me, even to just talk, let alone have sex."

Also, you might want to give a little more introduction of your other characters. I assume Frank, Bill, and Vanessa are coworkers but they seem to have been dropped into the paragraph where they are first mentioned.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous03/14/16

Nice

Very nice story, enjoyed reading it!

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Tittyluver6903/15/16

Good Start

Good start to what could be a great story. What is wife up to, how they continue to see each other, etc. I hope there are more chapters to this

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by mitchawa03/15/16

Well Done

The plot is common, but you did a nice job of prolonging the sex scene which leaves the reader wondering. Good character development, succinct dialogue, and illustrats the theme of "Cheating" in an interesting way. Well done for a first try.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous03/15/16

Solid first effort

Well done setting the mood and motivation, not just sex. I agree that an editor might be a good idea - almost stopped at the beginning when the wif came down the "isle" instead of "aisle."

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous03/16/16

Next chapter please

I didn't want this to end!!! Great first attempt

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous03/17/16

Great

Not only a sexy story, but had humanity that allowed me to relate. First time in years, I looked to see what else the author had written....hope there will be more.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.

Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!  or
Back to Mixing Business and Pleasure  or
More submissions by kai_ra.

Add a
Comment

Post a public comment on this submission (click here to send private anonymous feedback to the author instead).

Post comment as (click to select):

You may also listen to a recording of the characters.

Preview comment

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar:

   Cancel