It started off with some real potential! Great descriptions but suddenly she whacked off her top and her tiny tits were apparently enough to get him going....then it was over
by
Anonymous03/15/16
Good start
No story, it needed more development, and a better ending. You can end with the dad catching them, but get a story going first.
by
Anonymous03/15/16
Disappointing
Where did the story go.
by
Anonymous03/15/16
This isn't a story
This isn't a story. It's an idea for a story.
by
Anonymous03/15/16
What Story?
You call this a Story? OMG
by
Anonymous03/16/16
More detail
There was almost no detail put into the story, I write stories on here so I know it's hard but if you put in more effort it will get better.
NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
much longer better details about everything make everything
completely buildup even if it's needing chapter2~chapter3~chapter4~chapter5
IF NOT you really do need stop stories like what everybody saying ...................
you've got excellent ideas going around this story
you've got awesome ideas going around this story
you've got spectacular ideas going around this story ..................
slowwwwwwwwwwwww downnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn buildup everything
perfect details about everything .................. this story coulda been
this story shoulda been - the h.o.f.\ the hot ..................................
REVISE THIS
English
What Story?
Where in the heck did the story go?
Wtf
It started off with some real potential! Great descriptions but suddenly she whacked off her top and her tiny tits were apparently enough to get him going....then it was over
Good start
No story, it needed more development, and a better ending. You can end with the dad catching them, but get a story going first.
Disappointing
Where did the story go.
This isn't a story
This isn't a story. It's an idea for a story.
What Story?
You call this a Story? OMG
More detail
There was almost no detail put into the story, I write stories on here so I know it's hard but if you put in more effort it will get better.
first story
This was my first crack at this...I definitely rushed it and I'm gonna work at it
REVISE THIS:
NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
much longer better details about everything make everything
completely buildup even if it's needing chapter2~chapter3~chapter4~chapter5
IF NOT you really do need stop stories like what everybody saying ...................
you've got excellent ideas going around this story
you've got awesome ideas going around this story
you've got spectacular ideas going around this story ..................
slowwwwwwwwwwwww downnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn buildup everything
perfect details about everything .................. this story coulda been
this story shoulda been - the h.o.f.\ the hot ..................................
REVISE THIS
DO NOT:
if your gonna make her father\her uncle fuck her same time DO NOT
do not DO NOT do not make the father\the uncle literally fucking each other
@Blahdeeblahdee
Your premise is okay, but this is a one shot story. I'd suggest enhancing it, take it down, add more to it.
If you want reluctance, add it in.
But I don't see how they went from
"I'm not doing it"
to 5 mins later "Oh jesus."
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