And that's ok. This is not a balanced story and it's not going to be a balanced story. This is a tabloid tale amped up by very skilled writer who puts his reader smack dab in the middle. Babyfaces and heels make up the roster of characters. It seems there's a smackdown en route. Can't wait.
Full marks. * * * * *
by
Anonymous03/31/16
I'm not that enthusiastic...
I didn't like this chapter at all. There were mistakes all over the place and it was written in choppy style not worthy of this writer. A single dimensional character that was more of a caricature.
A few typos here and there, Faith briefly became Grace...but the story was there & I'm waiting for the next installment(s). You have my attention...plus, the price is right.
... but qhml1 has a way of weaving exposition into an interesting yarn. The story is taking shape and I can foresee another winner.
This chapter puts full emphasis on Bobby in such a manner that the reader could be fooled into thinking his egocentric, narcissistic, philandering cokehead ways make him the primary villain. As someone who likes to raise his hands against women he is a monster, but not the primary villain. That monicker belongs to Rose, who is only now coming to terms with the chickens coming home to roost.
Given her unashamed background and Charley's hidden dark side, I cannot see qhml1 writing a reconciliation and so I cannot wait to see how the hammer falls on Rose.
I have few quibbles at how Bobby's character was used as a foil to shift the emphasis of Rose's wrongdoings to his. In the end, I felt the scheming to snag her potential paramour's daughter and the drug addiction felt shoehorned in to cloak the real crisis. Be that as it may, it was still pleasurable to read.
You could have put this as part of another chapter. Bobby didn't deserve two pages. However, he'll get what's coming to him and that's ok.
by
Anonymous03/31/16
1*
Charming people.
by
Anonymous03/31/16
Taking too long
I appreciate your desire to prolong the story in "serial" foremost, but the delay between installments leaves the reader, at least this one, finding initial difficulty remembering previous story line and getting up to speed. This format would work well of yours was the only story to follow, but is just one of many. I have enjoyed this tale, but would enjoy it even more if it was released as a single read. That said..when complete, will go back and read it again for continuity. The delay earned a 4
QHM has a way of surprising us,he allways does,divorcing Rose ?he probably will but even that is far from sure,when you reed "terrible taste in tees" you can see that in the end it turned out differently than the BTB crowd hoped for
Don't take anything for granted,i for one think that Faith will have a big part in the outcome
You are right. It would be nice if the characters could actually grow, and gain wisdom from their experience. For instance, it would be interesting if the cheating wife realized that what she did was wrong, foolish, and after many years: ultimately unsatisfying. It would be nice if she cared (loved) anyone but herself and felt the loss of the relationship she had with them due to her actions. It would be nice if she really grasped what she had done.
It would also be great if the aggrieved husband could ask himself: what role did I have in my wife's cheating? Not that he caused her to cheat, but had he contributed to her need to cheat in some way? If not, how could he not have a clue about the person he was closest to in his life? How could she fool him for years? Was he not paying enough attention? Was he too gullible? Was he stupid or was she that good at lying? In the end, whatever the answer it would be nice if he were to realize that her cheating was her decision alone, for her own ends, and if she had not come to him with her problem he could not be expected to do anything about it. It would also be nice if these characters were to realize that this is life, we only get one crack at it and there is no time to waste on shitheads. Even better, maybe they could figure out that all people will eventually fail those they love, if only by dying and leaving their loved ones behind. There is more to life than the love of mortals.
"To the Way Back machine Sherman" remember those lunchtime tv cliff hanger shows back in the day? Yeh I thought they we fun to. To dedicate an entire chapter developing Bobby boy to have him shipped off to jail in the next instalment was unxpected. I think I have lost the current point of conflict in the story, has all been resolved? What demon remains to be Slayed. Guess we will have to stay tuned for a qhml1 surprise
by
Anonymous03/31/16
Weaving a story
What the hell is the matter with you people. This is a complex story, with multiple characters, each with their own story line, written by a talented author. I appreciate this type of story structure. But it requires patience from the reader. It's not a flash story. Be patient, and let the plot lines come together.
I for one can't wait for more. Thanks and appreciation.
“She flirted a little harder as the weeks went by, taking him into her office, stroking him lightly over his slacks while they kissed. He ran his hand under her dress, and she pushed towards him” – Excuse me, this has already gone beyond “flirting”!
“Jesus, I hadn't even fucked her yet." – Is this a continuity error? I thought she was already fucking him?
“as he tried to drag an unconscious Grace through the front doors.” – You mean “Faith”. I know name slips are common here, but at least on the Literotica page it was right under her name in the prior sentence!
by
Anonymous03/31/16
This was the first chapter I didn't like
Too easy.
You can't talk about weaving a tapestry of complex characters and then point to one and just say he's the bad guy because ... reasons.
I cold cope with Charles being an unrelenting saint because that happens occasionally with small town rich guys but this is too much. You might as well shave Bobby's head and get Charles a cape.
by
Anonymous03/31/16
GREAT ENTERTAINMENT!
QHMl1 is weaving a "fun" story. Yes, there are typos. Yes, it drags a little. Yes, it's a bit trite. It's still entertaining, it's still engaging, and, even better, it's another example of how the author's mind works when deciding how to express himself to his audience. Thanks for the fine effort!
Charley isn't a saint...but a man of honour that always...
Charley isn't a saint...but a man of honour that always pays his debts...True friend for his friends, but also a unforgivable man for his enemies...And Bobby, like the other man, messed with his daughter, put her in hospital...now he will wish he was dead...3* for this chapter...
The initial premise, or so I thought, was numerous stories of people in a town and how they eventually intertwined. This story, thus far, is not delivering that. It's a story about Charlie and his family and the problems he is facing. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but simply not what I had believed to be the stated plan at the beginning. There are a lot of missing words for a Q story. I do that on occasion as well, because my fingers do not type as fast as my brilliant mind thinks up shit!
by
Anonymous03/31/16
Summary of the comments so far
Too many mistakes, sloppily written, disjointed, too much exposition, unrelatable characters, one-dimensional characters, predictable plot, etc., etc., etc..
But, hey, I gave you five stars because you're one of my favorite authors.
Yes...the Loving Wives ratings system is irreparably broken.
by
Anonymous03/31/16
good story
Another good chapter. Hitting women, animal abuse, sometimes it seems that there really are too many people in the world.
Could someone explain to javmore and swingers how good stories get good scores? For some reason they don't think it is possible. Maybe it is the good story part?
When I pay so much for a story I don't expect to see any errors. You and your editors, publishing company, and all the money we give you should eliminate them. Ummmm
Based on the typos I found you would think this was done in someone's free time for free and shared freely for everyone to enjoy.
The way this story is going does the cat return in later chapters? This is like an old Saturday Morning cliff hanger. Probably sorry I started it, but its OK. You have written better stories so I will give you the benefit of the doubt.
by
Anonymous03/31/16
A decent story so far. With the typical LW short-coming; Why did she cheat?
If you are going to leave us with just, "because I could," and of course because she enjoyed it, then we have to wonder how such a decent down to earth sensitive man like Charley wound up with such a shallow selfish stupid whore? And how can such an ego-concentric conniving bitch be a good wife and mother for so many years? Adultery is a symptom, not the problem. I wonder if you have the wit and imagination to explore and explain the true problem Rose had with her marriage? She even apologized to Bobby for cutting him off, while she works on her marriage. I thought there was a clear implication she still wanted to fuck Bobby's brains out if it wasn't for the complication of her husband and daughter being unhappy about it. Rose is mentally fucked up and lacks the morals and ethics to be a wife and mother. Sure she can change. It will take years to accomplish and prove. I wonder if Charley will wait. Why should he? He won't, if a better opportunity comes along. Based on your story and the community, he will have many better opportunities.
A good story with an interesting plot and characters. Thank You.
You are really doubling down on the LW-cliche ride, here. I had hoped that you were just using them early on to set up something you could explore or put a cool twist on, but instead we are getting Generic LW Revenge Tale.
My central problem here is still the lack of any kind of conflict or urgency, and I think there are a couple of reasons this is happening:
1. There is action, but not suspense. We are not following (or even aware of) a protagonist who is up against the odds, or who has to worry over the outcome of the match. Our original hero is pretty much in the driver's seat from day one, with all his retributional intentions laid out and the entire community behind him. Anything around him that happens either exists only to fuel his revenge or to remind us that woah boy is he great/mad.
Even in this chapter, where Faith is attacked, there isn't really a sense of true danger (other than having to read yet another LW in-hospital injuries list conversation), because the chapter opened by telling us that Bobby ends up in jail and then invested every moment it had in painting him as a blustering toad who couldn't get anything right in his whole life. Even the event itself is sort of perfunctory, with just a few paragraphs between the first physical attack and the assurance (to the reader) that the cops have been called. And some of that time is spent on the cat. Really, a lot of this story is written as a series of "and then..." quick hits. And then this happened. And then this happened. And then...
2. The drama that initiated this story is not being used to propel it forward, but is instead sharing space with side dramas that are often semi-related or just inconsequential. In this chapter, the affair gets a totally unnecessary recap (Bobby's reasons for fucking his boss do nothing to change our impressions of either the event or the players), and then really only get about 5 sentences of uneventful acknowledgement at the very end...presumably just to say that, no, our author hast completely forgotten about it. But it's just got nowhere to grow, anymore. The real estate is getting filled up with these other things. The simpering, mindless wife has nothing to offer us in the way of nurturing this central story, and almost as soon as our protagonist knew the truth he turned into a character from another story, too horny for murder to have any feelings whatsoever regarding the affair(s). He comes across as driven to avenge an event that really only irritates him (when he isn't busy being adored by the locals, snore). Meanwhile, as previously mentioned, he's got money, a prenup, and everyone on his side. The summary for this story probably wouldn't even mention an affair. It would just read: "a tale of small town drama, but this small town has multiple thriving businesses and a veterinarian that doesn't spend most of her day with her hand up a cow's ass so your guess is as good as ours."
but the comments, as usual, are just as entertaining. I really like the spelling and sentence structure fairies that invade the comments. Hard not to chuckle at the comments about choppy sentences and super saint husbands and the poor slut wives that are driven to cheat by the sheer inability to put up with a man who treats them like a queen and caters to their every need. Hate to break it to you folks, but some people are just evil and that's all there is too it. Bobby was a sociopath and Rose most probably is a psychopath. A lot of people have an inflated sense of their own self worth, which makes them entitled to do anything they want to do. Hey, they are wonderful and everyone is bound to know that and just forgive anything they do to them.
Charlie is just lucky he hasn't "woke up dead" some morning. Rose doesn't understand there is a right and a wrong. No black and white in her world, all shades of grey. Convenient way to live if you are amoral, but most of the world has some concept of right and wrong. Keep 'em coming. Good reads so far. Got 5 from me, incentive and thanks for sharing so far.
by
Anonymous03/31/16
Can't keep track of your own character's names
Why should I bother? Just really sloppy writing. You used to be better than this.
The main flaw in the story is the problem with Lit voting
The characters seem to come in '1's or '5's. Either they are wise, wholesome, rich, and socially supported, or they are scumbags whom beggars wish to wipe their feet on them "PTUI!"
On to the next chapter.
Here is the inherent drama that a Matt Moreau story has and this lacks(OMG, I am actually referencing a MM story POSITIVELY) The protagonist (not hero) faces challenges and beat downs. We keep waiting for him to surmount some of these offenses and obstacles...and wait...and wait...and wait...still waiting. (And there is the failure of a MM story as well...there is never a pay off except the protag stops trying)
Here, all of the 'good people' are already alpha bitch winners. The Unoriginalist wrote it much better than I could.
Waiting for something interesting to happen.
by
Anonymous03/31/16
Proofread
You need to proofread two or three times, unless Faith is also known as Grace.
by
Anonymous03/31/16
Lol chuckle !
Gee whicklers Batman, if one only read the comments on this series so far you would only assume that the scores would only be in the mid 2's . I mean come on its let's see if I've got this so far Too short , too long , too clichéd , too predictable , too heroic , too slutty , too formulaic , ect. ect. But wait , its the highest scoring story of each day that a post is made, WTF !
Maybe the unoriginalist can write a 500 word answer for that ! No wait , please don't do that U.O. , the last time I read something that long from you I was seriously contemplating suicide ! (seriously , that boilerplate series would have left a gaggle of teenaged goth chics complaining about all the over the top angst )
And now here will come in the " but its not original" little harpies next , to them I say , and your point is ! Just how many different ways can a long termed marriage be rocked ? There is very few truly original plots , just refurbished older ones. Between the Greeks and the Bard , just about everything has been written before , get over it !
Loving it Q ! Keep 'em coming !
5*'s
Cpprcrk
by
Anonymous03/31/16
Interesting...
You definitely create a bad guy (Bobby) that people can hate and want to see get his cummupence. From beating on women to animals; who wouldn't despise this character? I for one just hope you don't use it as a reason to reconcile Charley and Rose. Really no reason to keep a lying, deceitful, serial cheater around; poisonous to all the relationships and communities it touches (speaking from experience). And hopefully, from a previous chapter; you won't have the PIs lie to Charley causing him to go easy on Rose.
In any case I guess we'll see. Good story thus far.
This author can write with great emotion-see "The Cost" and others-but not this time. It almost reads as though the author has decided not to express the emotions the episodes would normally evoke.
I too am tired of the perfect husband model story. It makes for the usual inexplicable cheating wife, which is unsatisfying.
I really think that you are getting high marks for your reputation more than this piece of work. The former is deservingly stellar. The latter - not so much. Its dry. Antiseptic. No characters to really invest in. No humor whatsoever. No build up. Just very very dry.
...regarding character development, plot, style and - most important - lack of tension.
3* for sharing
by
Anonymous03/31/16
Hell, it's a *5--again
Come on people. How can you look at rhe other schlock in LW and not appreciate this? There was another story posted today that actually had a "throbbing member" in it by some guy for whom English must have been his umpteenth language.
Shit. The worst sex I ever had was wonderful and the worst story by qhml1 is pure gold compared to the lignite we usually have to sift through. Sheesh!
Please please please keep writing
by
Anonymous03/31/16
Not good thus far 2*
Your writing seems rushed and stilted. No real emotion showing through the jerky plot. You need to give more time and attention to this story to hopefully rescue it.
The comments sure seem consistent: this is a dull and predictable story (so far) that is poorly-written, with lifeless and one-dimensional characters that are difficult to relate with. And yet, the score for this story is nearly as high as one can be. Have I made my point yet re. the scoring system?
I find it funny that the same people who are making the comment that this story is "good enough" and "better than most", and defending the author by insisting that there are only so many ways to tell a LW story, are more than likely the same people who complain about other stories' repetitive plots and poor grammar.
Let's just face the facts: most readers in this section rate every story based on the "type" of story (BTB, cuck, RAAC, etc.) it is, and not for its actual quality and entertainment value. Every story is either a "1" or a "5" (with no gray area in between), depending on whether or not it fits the type of repetitive, done-to-death, dead-horse-beaten plot you happen to enjoy.
Take a look at the top 50 LW stories of all time. How many of them involve a cheating wife who either doesn't get caught or is allowed to cheat by her husband? Are we really supposed to believe that a story with that type of plot can't be highly entertaining and well-written? Or is this simply a reflection of the readers' distaste for the idea of such a thing happening to them in real life?
I tried to give Q the benefit of the doubt and plow through another chapter in this series, but I just can't. I know the guy is talented (because everyone says so), but I just can't get into this particular story. Maybe I'll have to dive into the archives and read some of his older stuff to understand what the fuss is about.
by
Anonymous03/31/16
Interesting!
qhml1,
Despite the commentary the scores do reflect that this is an excellent story. I'm not sure what the commentators are looking for,but it seems that most of us reading this story are finding it entertaining. Nicely done.
Thank you
by
Anonymous03/31/16
swingerjoe
Crawl back into one of your cesspool stories. If we want to hear your bullshit we're find a cuckold fag.
Anonymous, it is indeed interesting that the comments and scores tell a different story. A lot of the commentary was about the unexceptional nature of the story, often leavened with favourable comments about the author's ability.
I agree with Swingerjoe about the scores being irrelevant to the true worth of a Loving Wives story. As he said, those who disagree with the theme of the story all give it 1 star regardless of how well it is written and those who like the theme give it 5 stars. Comments, and especially comments by the better reviewers (of whom there are several) are a much better way to decide whether a story is worth reading.
The key to getting a high score for a LW story (if that's what you want) is to avoid upsetting the usual suspects, as Joe said. Just appeal to the lowest common denominator.
I am one of the People who either likes a Story and gives it 5*s or just moves on w/o voting. Figuring the Reads vs the Votes show how much I was or Was'nt impressed. But swingerjoe has a Good Point. Just because we hope to never feel the Pain from a Cheater M or F does'nt mean the stoey is Garbage and un-readable. So if i read a story and think it was done well 5*s . If not No *s.
Thats just me.
This is an excellent story, with the high level of quality and creativity I have come to expect from your work. The development of the plot is intriguing and each chapter leaves me wanting more! I do not want to be in Bobby's shoes as Charley deals with him for the attack on his daughter. Also, Bobby's actions just add more fuel to the bonfire that will consume what little is left of Charley's and Rose's relationship, already on the rocks due to her arrogant infidelities, infidelities that I'm sure Charley knows lots more about now due to the work of his investigators. Well done, thank you, and bring on ch. 4!
by
Anonymous03/31/16
What has happened?
I REALLY liked your old stories, especially the one about the writer who lived by a lake and the man hating woman, who he eventually married. You used to be a good writer, one with a solid story, now, I am not impressed. I read your stories, hoping that the author I liked will return, I'm still waiting. 2*
Bobby's actions at the vet clinic meet the legal definition of kidnapping, competent cops wouldn't miss that.
They LOVE to pile the charges on, that way even with a plea bargain the perp still gets hard time.
English
Zero shades of grey
And that's ok. This is not a balanced story and it's not going to be a balanced story. This is a tabloid tale amped up by very skilled writer who puts his reader smack dab in the middle. Babyfaces and heels make up the roster of characters. It seems there's a smackdown en route. Can't wait.
Full marks. * * * * *
I'm not that enthusiastic...
I didn't like this chapter at all. There were mistakes all over the place and it was written in choppy style not worthy of this writer. A single dimensional character that was more of a caricature.
Sorry, this was not worthy of this writer.
really
Really last chapter should been the end
Still a 5
A few typos here and there, Faith briefly became Grace...but the story was there & I'm waiting for the next installment(s). You have my attention...plus, the price is right.
Hmmm
Not sure if I'm fond of Faith being so gentle on her mother like this.
Still, I won't say whether this chapter is good or bad until I see a resolution between Charley and his (hopefully soon to be ex) wife.
I CAN DEFINETLY HEAR IN HIS UPCOMING SOLIQUY
a very loud " O Shit". TK U MLJ LV NV
More exposition ...
... but qhml1 has a way of weaving exposition into an interesting yarn. The story is taking shape and I can foresee another winner.
This chapter puts full emphasis on Bobby in such a manner that the reader could be fooled into thinking his egocentric, narcissistic, philandering cokehead ways make him the primary villain. As someone who likes to raise his hands against women he is a monster, but not the primary villain. That monicker belongs to Rose, who is only now coming to terms with the chickens coming home to roost.
Given her unashamed background and Charley's hidden dark side, I cannot see qhml1 writing a reconciliation and so I cannot wait to see how the hammer falls on Rose.
I have few quibbles at how Bobby's character was used as a foil to shift the emphasis of Rose's wrongdoings to his. In the end, I felt the scheming to snag her potential paramour's daughter and the drug addiction felt shoehorned in to cloak the real crisis. Be that as it may, it was still pleasurable to read.
***** because qhml1 can write magic.
You Know
You could have put this as part of another chapter. Bobby didn't deserve two pages. However, he'll get what's coming to him and that's ok.
1*
Charming people.
Taking too long
I appreciate your desire to prolong the story in "serial" foremost, but the delay between installments leaves the reader, at least this one, finding initial difficulty remembering previous story line and getting up to speed. This format would work well of yours was the only story to follow, but is just one of many. I have enjoyed this tale, but would enjoy it even more if it was released as a single read. That said..when complete, will go back and read it again for continuity. The delay earned a 4
No comment on the outcome so far
QHM has a way of surprising us,he allways does,divorcing Rose ?he probably will but even that is far from sure,when you reed "terrible taste in tees" you can see that in the end it turned out differently than the BTB crowd hoped for
Don't take anything for granted,i for one think that Faith will have a big part in the outcome
well
Another whiter then white super perfect husband gets cheated on by an intelligent successful wife who also strangely an I.Q. in single digits.
Rinse and repeat add infinitum.
@swedishreader1
You are right. It would be nice if the characters could actually grow, and gain wisdom from their experience. For instance, it would be interesting if the cheating wife realized that what she did was wrong, foolish, and after many years: ultimately unsatisfying. It would be nice if she cared (loved) anyone but herself and felt the loss of the relationship she had with them due to her actions. It would be nice if she really grasped what she had done.
It would also be great if the aggrieved husband could ask himself: what role did I have in my wife's cheating? Not that he caused her to cheat, but had he contributed to her need to cheat in some way? If not, how could he not have a clue about the person he was closest to in his life? How could she fool him for years? Was he not paying enough attention? Was he too gullible? Was he stupid or was she that good at lying? In the end, whatever the answer it would be nice if he were to realize that her cheating was her decision alone, for her own ends, and if she had not come to him with her problem he could not be expected to do anything about it. It would also be nice if these characters were to realize that this is life, we only get one crack at it and there is no time to waste on shitheads. Even better, maybe they could figure out that all people will eventually fail those they love, if only by dying and leaving their loved ones behind. There is more to life than the love of mortals.
Gaining momentum
"To the Way Back machine Sherman" remember those lunchtime tv cliff hanger shows back in the day? Yeh I thought they we fun to. To dedicate an entire chapter developing Bobby boy to have him shipped off to jail in the next instalment was unxpected. I think I have lost the current point of conflict in the story, has all been resolved? What demon remains to be Slayed. Guess we will have to stay tuned for a qhml1 surprise
Weaving a story
What the hell is the matter with you people. This is a complex story, with multiple characters, each with their own story line, written by a talented author. I appreciate this type of story structure. But it requires patience from the reader. It's not a flash story. Be patient, and let the plot lines come together.
I for one can't wait for more. Thanks and appreciation.
Getting Better
“She flirted a little harder as the weeks went by, taking him into her office, stroking him lightly over his slacks while they kissed. He ran his hand under her dress, and she pushed towards him” – Excuse me, this has already gone beyond “flirting”!
“Jesus, I hadn't even fucked her yet." – Is this a continuity error? I thought she was already fucking him?
“as he tried to drag an unconscious Grace through the front doors.” – You mean “Faith”. I know name slips are common here, but at least on the Literotica page it was right under her name in the prior sentence!
This was the first chapter I didn't like
Too easy.
You can't talk about weaving a tapestry of complex characters and then point to one and just say he's the bad guy because ... reasons.
I cold cope with Charles being an unrelenting saint because that happens occasionally with small town rich guys but this is too much. You might as well shave Bobby's head and get Charles a cape.
GREAT ENTERTAINMENT!
QHMl1 is weaving a "fun" story. Yes, there are typos. Yes, it drags a little. Yes, it's a bit trite. It's still entertaining, it's still engaging, and, even better, it's another example of how the author's mind works when deciding how to express himself to his audience. Thanks for the fine effort!
Charley isn't a saint...but a man of honour that always...
Charley isn't a saint...but a man of honour that always pays his debts...True friend for his friends, but also a unforgivable man for his enemies...And Bobby, like the other man, messed with his daughter, put her in hospital...now he will wish he was dead...3* for this chapter...
I see this as one story broken into chapters.
The initial premise, or so I thought, was numerous stories of people in a town and how they eventually intertwined. This story, thus far, is not delivering that. It's a story about Charlie and his family and the problems he is facing. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but simply not what I had believed to be the stated plan at the beginning. There are a lot of missing words for a Q story. I do that on occasion as well, because my fingers do not type as fast as my brilliant mind thinks up shit!
Summary of the comments so far
Too many mistakes, sloppily written, disjointed, too much exposition, unrelatable characters, one-dimensional characters, predictable plot, etc., etc., etc..
But, hey, I gave you five stars because you're one of my favorite authors.
Yes...the Loving Wives ratings system is irreparably broken.
good story
Another good chapter. Hitting women, animal abuse, sometimes it seems that there really are too many people in the world.
Could someone explain to javmore and swingers how good stories get good scores? For some reason they don't think it is possible. Maybe it is the good story part?
Thanks for the effort.
When I pay so much for a story I don't expect to see any errors. You and your editors, publishing company, and all the money we give you should eliminate them. Ummmm
Based on the typos I found you would think this was done in someone's free time for free and shared freely for everyone to enjoy.
5* for the story - thank you for the effort.
Great!
Thanks for sharing.
What happened to the cat?
The way this story is going does the cat return in later chapters? This is like an old Saturday Morning cliff hanger. Probably sorry I started it, but its OK. You have written better stories so I will give you the benefit of the doubt.
A decent story so far. With the typical LW short-coming; Why did she cheat?
If you are going to leave us with just, "because I could," and of course because she enjoyed it, then we have to wonder how such a decent down to earth sensitive man like Charley wound up with such a shallow selfish stupid whore? And how can such an ego-concentric conniving bitch be a good wife and mother for so many years? Adultery is a symptom, not the problem. I wonder if you have the wit and imagination to explore and explain the true problem Rose had with her marriage? She even apologized to Bobby for cutting him off, while she works on her marriage. I thought there was a clear implication she still wanted to fuck Bobby's brains out if it wasn't for the complication of her husband and daughter being unhappy about it. Rose is mentally fucked up and lacks the morals and ethics to be a wife and mother. Sure she can change. It will take years to accomplish and prove. I wonder if Charley will wait. Why should he? He won't, if a better opportunity comes along. Based on your story and the community, he will have many better opportunities.
A good story with an interesting plot and characters. Thank You.
Doubling down
You are really doubling down on the LW-cliche ride, here. I had hoped that you were just using them early on to set up something you could explore or put a cool twist on, but instead we are getting Generic LW Revenge Tale.
My central problem here is still the lack of any kind of conflict or urgency, and I think there are a couple of reasons this is happening:
1. There is action, but not suspense. We are not following (or even aware of) a protagonist who is up against the odds, or who has to worry over the outcome of the match. Our original hero is pretty much in the driver's seat from day one, with all his retributional intentions laid out and the entire community behind him. Anything around him that happens either exists only to fuel his revenge or to remind us that woah boy is he great/mad.
Even in this chapter, where Faith is attacked, there isn't really a sense of true danger (other than having to read yet another LW in-hospital injuries list conversation), because the chapter opened by telling us that Bobby ends up in jail and then invested every moment it had in painting him as a blustering toad who couldn't get anything right in his whole life. Even the event itself is sort of perfunctory, with just a few paragraphs between the first physical attack and the assurance (to the reader) that the cops have been called. And some of that time is spent on the cat. Really, a lot of this story is written as a series of "and then..." quick hits. And then this happened. And then this happened. And then...
2. The drama that initiated this story is not being used to propel it forward, but is instead sharing space with side dramas that are often semi-related or just inconsequential. In this chapter, the affair gets a totally unnecessary recap (Bobby's reasons for fucking his boss do nothing to change our impressions of either the event or the players), and then really only get about 5 sentences of uneventful acknowledgement at the very end...presumably just to say that, no, our author hast completely forgotten about it. But it's just got nowhere to grow, anymore. The real estate is getting filled up with these other things. The simpering, mindless wife has nothing to offer us in the way of nurturing this central story, and almost as soon as our protagonist knew the truth he turned into a character from another story, too horny for murder to have any feelings whatsoever regarding the affair(s). He comes across as driven to avenge an event that really only irritates him (when he isn't busy being adored by the locals, snore). Meanwhile, as previously mentioned, he's got money, a prenup, and everyone on his side. The summary for this story probably wouldn't even mention an affair. It would just read: "a tale of small town drama, but this small town has multiple thriving businesses and a veterinarian that doesn't spend most of her day with her hand up a cow's ass so your guess is as good as ours."
Liking the story so far,
but the comments, as usual, are just as entertaining. I really like the spelling and sentence structure fairies that invade the comments. Hard not to chuckle at the comments about choppy sentences and super saint husbands and the poor slut wives that are driven to cheat by the sheer inability to put up with a man who treats them like a queen and caters to their every need. Hate to break it to you folks, but some people are just evil and that's all there is too it. Bobby was a sociopath and Rose most probably is a psychopath. A lot of people have an inflated sense of their own self worth, which makes them entitled to do anything they want to do. Hey, they are wonderful and everyone is bound to know that and just forgive anything they do to them.
Charlie is just lucky he hasn't "woke up dead" some morning. Rose doesn't understand there is a right and a wrong. No black and white in her world, all shades of grey. Convenient way to live if you are amoral, but most of the world has some concept of right and wrong. Keep 'em coming. Good reads so far. Got 5 from me, incentive and thanks for sharing so far.
Can't keep track of your own character's names
Why should I bother? Just really sloppy writing. You used to be better than this.
The main flaw in the story is the problem with Lit voting
The characters seem to come in '1's or '5's. Either they are wise, wholesome, rich, and socially supported, or they are scumbags whom beggars wish to wipe their feet on them "PTUI!"
On to the next chapter.
Here is the inherent drama that a Matt Moreau story has and this lacks(OMG, I am actually referencing a MM story POSITIVELY) The protagonist (not hero) faces challenges and beat downs. We keep waiting for him to surmount some of these offenses and obstacles...and wait...and wait...and wait...still waiting. (And there is the failure of a MM story as well...there is never a pay off except the protag stops trying)
Here, all of the 'good people' are already alpha bitch winners. The Unoriginalist wrote it much better than I could.
Waiting for something interesting to happen.
Proofread
You need to proofread two or three times, unless Faith is also known as Grace.
Lol chuckle !
Gee whicklers Batman, if one only read the comments on this series so far you would only assume that the scores would only be in the mid 2's . I mean come on its let's see if I've got this so far Too short , too long , too clichéd , too predictable , too heroic , too slutty , too formulaic , ect. ect. But wait , its the highest scoring story of each day that a post is made, WTF !
Maybe the unoriginalist can write a 500 word answer for that ! No wait , please don't do that U.O. , the last time I read something that long from you I was seriously contemplating suicide ! (seriously , that boilerplate series would have left a gaggle of teenaged goth chics complaining about all the over the top angst )
And now here will come in the " but its not original" little harpies next , to them I say , and your point is ! Just how many different ways can a long termed marriage be rocked ? There is very few truly original plots , just refurbished older ones. Between the Greeks and the Bard , just about everything has been written before , get over it !
Loving it Q ! Keep 'em coming !
5*'s
Cpprcrk
Interesting...
You definitely create a bad guy (Bobby) that people can hate and want to see get his cummupence. From beating on women to animals; who wouldn't despise this character? I for one just hope you don't use it as a reason to reconcile Charley and Rose. Really no reason to keep a lying, deceitful, serial cheater around; poisonous to all the relationships and communities it touches (speaking from experience). And hopefully, from a previous chapter; you won't have the PIs lie to Charley causing him to go easy on Rose.
In any case I guess we'll see. Good story thus far.
Another Emotionless Piece
This author can write with great emotion-see "The Cost" and others-but not this time. It almost reads as though the author has decided not to express the emotions the episodes would normally evoke.
I too am tired of the perfect husband model story. It makes for the usual inexplicable cheating wife, which is unsatisfying.
qhml1 - not your best or close to it
I really think that you are getting high marks for your reputation more than this piece of work. The former is deservingly stellar. The latter - not so much. Its dry. Antiseptic. No characters to really invest in. No humor whatsoever. No build up. Just very very dry.
Far below your normal high standard, qhml!
...regarding character development, plot, style and - most important - lack of tension.
3* for sharing
Hell, it's a *5--again
Come on people. How can you look at rhe other schlock in LW and not appreciate this? There was another story posted today that actually had a "throbbing member" in it by some guy for whom English must have been his umpteenth language.
Shit. The worst sex I ever had was wonderful and the worst story by qhml1 is pure gold compared to the lignite we usually have to sift through. Sheesh!
Please please please keep writing
Not good thus far 2*
Your writing seems rushed and stilted. No real emotion showing through the jerky plot. You need to give more time and attention to this story to hopefully rescue it.
Keep it coming
I love the story. A little good, a little bad, and a little ugly. I cannot wait for the next chapter.
The Comments
The comments sure seem consistent: this is a dull and predictable story (so far) that is poorly-written, with lifeless and one-dimensional characters that are difficult to relate with. And yet, the score for this story is nearly as high as one can be. Have I made my point yet re. the scoring system?
I find it funny that the same people who are making the comment that this story is "good enough" and "better than most", and defending the author by insisting that there are only so many ways to tell a LW story, are more than likely the same people who complain about other stories' repetitive plots and poor grammar.
Let's just face the facts: most readers in this section rate every story based on the "type" of story (BTB, cuck, RAAC, etc.) it is, and not for its actual quality and entertainment value. Every story is either a "1" or a "5" (with no gray area in between), depending on whether or not it fits the type of repetitive, done-to-death, dead-horse-beaten plot you happen to enjoy.
Take a look at the top 50 LW stories of all time. How many of them involve a cheating wife who either doesn't get caught or is allowed to cheat by her husband? Are we really supposed to believe that a story with that type of plot can't be highly entertaining and well-written? Or is this simply a reflection of the readers' distaste for the idea of such a thing happening to them in real life?
I tried to give Q the benefit of the doubt and plow through another chapter in this series, but I just can't. I know the guy is talented (because everyone says so), but I just can't get into this particular story. Maybe I'll have to dive into the archives and read some of his older stuff to understand what the fuss is about.
Interesting!
qhml1,
Despite the commentary the scores do reflect that this is an excellent story. I'm not sure what the commentators are looking for,but it seems that most of us reading this story are finding it entertaining. Nicely done.
Thank you
swingerjoe
Crawl back into one of your cesspool stories. If we want to hear your bullshit we're find a cuckold fag.
Re: Interesting
Anonymous, it is indeed interesting that the comments and scores tell a different story. A lot of the commentary was about the unexceptional nature of the story, often leavened with favourable comments about the author's ability.
I agree with Swingerjoe about the scores being irrelevant to the true worth of a Loving Wives story. As he said, those who disagree with the theme of the story all give it 1 star regardless of how well it is written and those who like the theme give it 5 stars. Comments, and especially comments by the better reviewers (of whom there are several) are a much better way to decide whether a story is worth reading.
The key to getting a high score for a LW story (if that's what you want) is to avoid upsetting the usual suspects, as Joe said. Just appeal to the lowest common denominator.
L
Well
I am one of the People who either likes a Story and gives it 5*s or just moves on w/o voting. Figuring the Reads vs the Votes show how much I was or Was'nt impressed. But swingerjoe has a Good Point. Just because we hope to never feel the Pain from a Cheater M or F does'nt mean the stoey is Garbage and un-readable. So if i read a story and think it was done well 5*s . If not No *s.
Thats just me.
Excellent!
This is an excellent story, with the high level of quality and creativity I have come to expect from your work. The development of the plot is intriguing and each chapter leaves me wanting more! I do not want to be in Bobby's shoes as Charley deals with him for the attack on his daughter. Also, Bobby's actions just add more fuel to the bonfire that will consume what little is left of Charley's and Rose's relationship, already on the rocks due to her arrogant infidelities, infidelities that I'm sure Charley knows lots more about now due to the work of his investigators. Well done, thank you, and bring on ch. 4!
What has happened?
I REALLY liked your old stories, especially the one about the writer who lived by a lake and the man hating woman, who he eventually married. You used to be a good writer, one with a solid story, now, I am not impressed. I read your stories, hoping that the author I liked will return, I'm still waiting. 2*
ok chapter...
I'm used to better from this author that I appreciate.
I'm looking forward Charley vs Bobby :-)
Some previous comments were quite pertinent.
Agree with LeFrog88
This author usually does much better.
Not your usual great work.
This one is average at best. I'm still reading hoping it gets better.
charges
Bobby's actions at the vet clinic meet the legal definition of kidnapping, competent cops wouldn't miss that.
They LOVE to pile the charges on, that way even with a plea bargain the perp still gets hard time.
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