You need an editor, badly! In addition, there is no I 90 near Pensacola. Interstate 10 or US 90 go through the city. I stopped reading after that major error.
It was silly, unlikely, impossible...but so what? We're all entitled to a little fantasy in our lives where the impossible actually happens. The dummy who gave up reading the story because of an anomaly in the road designation deserves to be deprived of reading feel-good stories like this (and he wouldn't appreciate them anyway). I could live up to my handle by nit-picking on the excessive use of black jargon and the exaggerated good looks of both our girl and Owen, but that would only take away from what I really thought was a fun read. 5*
I stopped reading because the grammatical errors and poor spelling did not make it an enjoyable read for me. The fact that the road was incorrect only points to a lack of researching information. I am as critical as you but I wouldn't call someone a dummy because they rewarded an author for a less than stellar effort. I chose not to rate the story. If you enjoyed it, then so be it.
I'm not familiar with Florida geography, and therefore missed the error that one reader caught. But even if I did, it wouldn't have distracted me from further reading. Pure fantasy, yes, but entertaining nevertheless. Being somewhat familiar with the criminal justice system (ex-parole/probation agent) helped. The black jargon was a little over the top, although I've heard uneducated, Southern blacks talk that way. Overall, a fine effort.
Very rushed at the end. The engagement and epilogue deserved more time and a larger part of the story, IMO. I agree that you need an editor. Also, the niece you mentioned was named Stephanie, but before that Owen said his favourite 3-year old's name is Holly. Not a bad story, but I was disappointed in the end.
OK, so the name changed and they took the wrong road to Pensacola and it needed some editorial cleanup...
I don't care - I enjoyed the story. The use of the game provided an interesting way for them to start chatting and get to know something about each other.
If I put on my logical, "real-world" hat the jump from meeting twice in a prison waiting room to a release-day wedding could be a bit abrupt - but I don't care about that either. Something at least as abrupt worked for Cinderella.
I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future.
If I'm really lucky, I'll get a reply about being overly sensitive or needing thicker skin. It can't be possible that nothing offends me and that I just don't suffer fools (like you) well. Nope. Has to mean I'm just easily offended. Okay. Sure.
After reading your very detailed comments (which were incredibly helpful, btw) I went to read some of your best stories to find examples of perfectly-written work, and to my great surprise, there weren't any--good or bad. None. Zip. Nada. Not even one. What's up with that? Why are you depriving us of examples of perfection when you're obviously capable of providing them? Talking about selfish!
So let me ask you, what is the purpose of pointing out typos except to prove to others you have a super-keen eye for detail? Does doing that improve the story? Do you think it's going to "lift the overall product of the site?" Since it won't do either of those things or change the way I write, it just makes you look like a whiny little pointer-outer. "Hey, everyone! Look what I found! See how smart I am? I can't write my own stories, but by God, I can spot problems in those written by other people. Look at me!"
These are stories, genius, not a master's thesis. (I actually have one of those that was about 120 pages long without a single error including footnotes and bibliography, for whatever that's worth.) This is a place to go and read stories that are supposed to be scintillating, not error-free. People like you take this site and yourselves WAY too seriously. It's a time killer. It's a source of entertainment. That's it. They don't give out Pulitzer's for writing what is essentially porn with a story wrapped around it.
So perhaps you could do us all a favor and write maybe a half dozen of the error-free variety before showcasing your vast intellectual prowess by pointing out typos or "a lack of research" or whatever irrelevant point you were trying to make by um...pointing things out.
I liked the story. It was a romance. It worked, but lacked any real emotional stress, or challenges. To tell the truth, I thought he was lying, and was actually a pimp setting her up to work for him when she got out. Some guys are like that. I don't really like or approve of those types of people, but they exist.
English
You need an editor, badly! In addition, there is no I 90 near Pensacola. Interstate 10 or US 90 go through the city. I stopped reading after that major error.
Pure, Unadulterated Fantasy...Ain't it Great!
It was silly, unlikely, impossible...but so what? We're all entitled to a little fantasy in our lives where the impossible actually happens. The dummy who gave up reading the story because of an anomaly in the road designation deserves to be deprived of reading feel-good stories like this (and he wouldn't appreciate them anyway). I could live up to my handle by nit-picking on the excessive use of black jargon and the exaggerated good looks of both our girl and Owen, but that would only take away from what I really thought was a fun read. 5*
I stopped reading because the grammatical errors and poor spelling did not make it an enjoyable read for me. The fact that the road was incorrect only points to a lack of researching information. I am as critical as you but I wouldn't call someone a dummy because they rewarded an author for a less than stellar effort. I chose not to rate the story. If you enjoyed it, then so be it.
Nice story...thanks!
Enjoy your tales! Keep 'em coming!
Liked Your Story
I'm not familiar with Florida geography, and therefore missed the error that one reader caught. But even if I did, it wouldn't have distracted me from further reading. Pure fantasy, yes, but entertaining nevertheless. Being somewhat familiar with the criminal justice system (ex-parole/probation agent) helped. The black jargon was a little over the top, although I've heard uneducated, Southern blacks talk that way. Overall, a fine effort.
Hmmm...,
Very rushed at the end. The engagement and epilogue deserved more time and a larger part of the story, IMO. I agree that you need an editor. Also, the niece you mentioned was named Stephanie, but before that Owen said his favourite 3-year old's name is Holly. Not a bad story, but I was disappointed in the end.
Entertaining Story
OK, so the name changed and they took the wrong road to Pensacola and it needed some editorial cleanup...
I don't care - I enjoyed the story. The use of the game provided an interesting way for them to start chatting and get to know something about each other.
If I put on my logical, "real-world" hat the jump from meeting twice in a prison waiting room to a release-day wedding could be a bit abrupt - but I don't care about that either. Something at least as abrupt worked for Cinderella.
I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future.
Squeezeplay's Comments
If I'm really lucky, I'll get a reply about being overly sensitive or needing thicker skin. It can't be possible that nothing offends me and that I just don't suffer fools (like you) well. Nope. Has to mean I'm just easily offended. Okay. Sure.
After reading your very detailed comments (which were incredibly helpful, btw) I went to read some of your best stories to find examples of perfectly-written work, and to my great surprise, there weren't any--good or bad. None. Zip. Nada. Not even one. What's up with that? Why are you depriving us of examples of perfection when you're obviously capable of providing them? Talking about selfish!
So let me ask you, what is the purpose of pointing out typos except to prove to others you have a super-keen eye for detail? Does doing that improve the story? Do you think it's going to "lift the overall product of the site?" Since it won't do either of those things or change the way I write, it just makes you look like a whiny little pointer-outer. "Hey, everyone! Look what I found! See how smart I am? I can't write my own stories, but by God, I can spot problems in those written by other people. Look at me!"
These are stories, genius, not a master's thesis. (I actually have one of those that was about 120 pages long without a single error including footnotes and bibliography, for whatever that's worth.) This is a place to go and read stories that are supposed to be scintillating, not error-free. People like you take this site and yourselves WAY too seriously. It's a time killer. It's a source of entertainment. That's it. They don't give out Pulitzer's for writing what is essentially porn with a story wrapped around it.
So perhaps you could do us all a favor and write maybe a half dozen of the error-free variety before showcasing your vast intellectual prowess by pointing out typos or "a lack of research" or whatever irrelevant point you were trying to make by um...pointing things out.
Talk about silly. Get a life.
good story
I liked the story. It was a romance. It worked, but lacked any real emotional stress, or challenges. To tell the truth, I thought he was lying, and was actually a pimp setting her up to work for him when she got out. Some guys are like that. I don't really like or approve of those types of people, but they exist.
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