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English
I'm curious
Where did I blame the husband for anything? I simply said the story was boring and he was unlikable as a character.
Oh, and that the author is an angry misogynist, but that was due to his other stories and rambling emails to me, not this specific boring, poorly written half of a story.
i was looking
for frontlinecaster stories after his comment i thought there had to be another hemminway writing, but alas just another wind bag. The story i enjoyed and thank you.
Honest sounding with a dash of irony...
Good read with a lot of realistic elements in it.
Two in particular struck me. They aren't necessarily interrelated, but in this story they are. First, I've been amazed at how many women convince themselves that they are in love with a man and marry him basically to get out of their parents house. Several friends (of the womanish variety) have out and out told me that was their motivation. The second issue is that it seems to be pretty common for a woman to have an affair to try out a new man for a relationship, while trying to keep her existing relationship intact as a backup, or until she is ready to leave.
I enjoyed the middle section where the hero intellectually dissects the situation and his feelings and concludes (in effect) that he really won't have that much to lose if he splits with this woman. Wow! A lot of it centers around how much of the grief that is generated by a split like this is actually ego driven: how can this person actually reject me? Once the hero realizes that it isn't him, per se, but a psychological issue of his wife, his ego can deal with the outcome.
Of course I'm always pleased with a story in which the hero manages to be a step ahead of the errant spouse! The ambush at the house ('oh, can I help you move your shit out tonight? LOL!) followed early the next day by a follow up blow ('here are the papers. Just sign on the dotted line.) was particularly delicious.
In total, a well plotted out story, written well, with a certain amount of irony, made for a 5* read. Well done JC!
knowledge without understanding
or wisdom is shallow.
sadly there are lots of men like Fletcher.
and women like Susan.
Great Story - 5 stars
It's nice to see a story about a person who's mature and pragmatic. I guess that's why you made him a carpenter. There's nothing more solid and pragmatic than carpentry. I wish everyone could be so logical, but life is mostly about emotions and self-interest. It was very well written and enjoyable to read.
Well written
Lots of supportive comments.
Must be a success.
Didn't work for me though. Bit of a non story. Young couple drift apart, split, move on, our 'hero' does well, she doesn't. That's it - War and Peace it ain't.
I liked it
fun read and thank you for sharing
Enjoyed it
Thanks for the offering.
Re: "sadly there are lots of men like Fletcher and women like Susan"
Rightbank, you forgot Chase.
There are lots of husbands like him too.
And lots of stories about his kind here in Loving Wives.
Men who fail to work on their marriage and abandon it as soon as their wife shows signs of wandering.
L
Don't Educate Your Wife
A nice, brisk, well written tale that emphasizes a point Carvohi has made in at least one other story. A working class husband shouldn't pay for his wife's higher education unless he has a replacement lined up to take her place after the marriage crashes.
Well said, Benedict12
The world doesn't need educated wives.
They only cause problems.
L
Ps; I think your namesake XVI also worried that women might get a bit too uppity in this world.
Indeed
This is a major theme of this author, and quite a few authors in this section. Education, careers, independence, not having you threaten to kill her on a regular basis, these things go to a woman's silly little head and turn her into a whore.
A sad little story for sad little men who fear their wives ever being out of their sight for a few minutes without the threat of violence (as carovhi advocates in at least two other stories, less active accuse that of being a straw man argument) .
Hey Benedict...Front Line Caster
Wait a minute Benedict. My wife worked while I went to school. I helped her too. We were having kids at the same time. It was all so wonderful.
Gosh FLC; it sounds like you had an abusive father and had to put up with it.
So, authors can't diversify? LOL
@FLC
Just because an author writes one kind of tale, doesn't mean that same author can't write other tales of a different type. Profiling much, frontline? Hmm. I think Donald Chump would use your talents in his Cabinet if he gets elected. Your profiling skills are OBVIOUSLY top notch! /endsarcasm
LOL Get your head out of your 4th point of contact! It's obvious that you don't like carvohi. Ok, that's your right. So WHY do you continue to read his tales? If you had the sense that God gave a chipmunk, you'd just ignore them and move on to something more your speed.
@Anon "good story!"
That "foreskinblister" joke was GREAT! I had to laugh at that one LOL. You're right, too. FLC does tend to scream "MISOGYNY!!!" whenever he reads about a Hubby standing up for himself and not taking shit from the cheating Wifey. It's the battlecry of the wannabe bull. If he had his way, all the Hubbies in these tales would be willing cucks. Yeah, he has some anger issues.
@carvohi
Good, well written little tale, man. Quick read. No outlandish revenge plots. Not really a BTB, at all. If FLC read very many of your tales, he should know that you don't actually BTB very often. Keep writing! Don't let the douchebags like FLC get to you. The comments on here are pretty entertaining, too. :)
5 Solid Stars
Love them
Little flash stories. A bit more detail than some but essetially late in, early out and no bullshit. Loved it, 5*. Good luck with the stuff you're working on... Sometimes quick and simple trumps long and complex.
Two pages?
TWO PAGES?
I wish you my sympathy It must have been hard to type this out with broken fingers. I can come up with no other explanation to explain how short it is compared to your usual prose.
Descriptive aspects:
Per your request. I think Chase's tone changes too much. For example, he describes Ginger:
"The skirt she wore was an equally lightweight pleated thing that came to just mid-thigh. The danged thing just fluttered about around those skinny legs as she walked."
Then two paragraphs later:
"Oh how could I have forgotten the melodious tonalities of her soft gentle voice? It was like the sound of the morning spring, a song bird, the joyous lyrical song of the nightingale."
This sort of thing was one of the reasons Mark Twain didn't like James Fenimore Cooper ("How to Tell a Story"). I can get you the quote if you want. (I can't post it; Mr. Clemens' political incorrectness would get me in trouble.)
Oh, and did you mean to have Susan call hubby by boyfriend's name at her final goodbye? "Ryan I'm sorry. You know I do love you."
I did enjoy the tale: it didn't need to be any longer and is enjoyable for what it is. Thank you for sharing it.
Distance
Nice quick one. Kind of bloodless- the husband is stoic, the wife is clueless. No sympathy for either of them, but things come to a good conclusion. Can't say I'd marry a feisty argumentative woman- had a GF like that once and realized I needed some kindness in my life. Married 30 years now....
Good Read, Jed...
Sometimes we have to correct our mistakes. Besides, Redheads are more interesting.
Instead of commenting on other comments...
(Which I would unashamedly LOVE to do)
I have to get right at the story for you.
Simple: Liked it! Good Job! You should be happy with this effort, and the OBVIOUS appreciation of it from your readers. Somebody else pointed out what my favorite part was, but I will echo it, since they were the only one to do so.
Often, novice writers fall into the trap of struggling within the limitations of 1st person storytelling. In order to present a balanced (fairness never promised) accounting of events, many will SWITCH narration POV between characters. For awhile, this didn't bother me that much as a reader, but I have really come to appreciate a narrator voice that STILL manages to be balanced without resorting to that tactic. It seems Carvohi has figured out the secret.
The character has to be identified as thoughtful, and coherent, as they identify the problems and discerns the causes of the marital breaking points and their probable effects. It has to be believable, or credible, at least. But here in this story, we have a wife character that we feel we know pretty well, even though she doesn't get much dialogue (i.e. "on-screen time) of her own. This guy DOES know her pretty well, and as such, is a reliable narrator. As Carvohi takes us through CHASE'S thoughts, where he works things out, the reader is actually given the insight to what was probably going to happen, and then he was proven right, as it actually does go down that way.
So yeah, I liked how you had Chase work this stuff out for himself. Despite one crying jag, it was believable that he could move on without the need for counseling and treatment. So many times, the reader is made to feel like more needed to be said, or deeper introspection was needed. Not here. This might have been basic, but it was enough. It might have been even a little light-hearted, but didn't rely on its own whimsy. Lessons were learnt without resorting to torture devices. Some may have found it boring, but just as many, if not more, found it refreshing.
Thank you very much.
With zero sarcasm intended, you must have been absolutely thrilled for getting favorable praise from Harry. Such a rare gift from him lets you know you really were on the right track here. But plenty of other complimentary AND constructively enlightening comments from the regular crowd here should help to buoy your spirit from any of the comparatively fewer attacks here that it seems no one can avoid...
No matter HOW good the story actually was.
Oh well, Thanks again!
The narrative had a matter of fact tonality that I really enjoyed. I think Susan was...
...a one-dimensional and sadly uninteresting character. I suppose that was intentional.
It went miles to making the case and his exit strategy work.
I also find it interesting that the sexual powerhouse women in many of these stories is either an Auburn haired beauty, or a Ginger firecracker.
Me, I want babies with every one of them. Not the cheaters or the arrogant shithead ones, but the 'second chance' girls with heat, loyalty, freckles, sex appeal by the pallet load, dedicated, tough minded, femininely gentle, lioness fierce and great hair.
Yup, I want at least five of them in my house and my bed, all pregnant, happy and noisy in Life, fun every day.
Keep this up and you'll soon have a following......
Thank you!
No cucks allowed in this story - thank goodness
Comments - I agree with PostScriptor and IronDragon and HIV. This is a well written story. In terms of plot, I really like the ending. Hubby upgraded and wifey ends up pregnant and working at Walmart. Five star story.
About higher Education.
Reminds me of this joke- A Mickey Dee's manager had a quarrel with an employee over where he should work. And friend asked him what it was all about. The manager explained that he had quit because he wanted to work the drive up window. And he felt that because he had a master's degree he should get it. The friend asked, why didn't you let him work it. And the manager answered -" No way that would piss off the PHD that's working that spot." Moral of the story-" To many degrees , Not enough positions!
Not bad at all
Flow kind of reminded me of a jolly traffic cop ... directing traffic. Or that weightlifter doing same and posing ... just keep the flow going... move it along... next!
"One dimensional wife"
It's first person POV, a cheated-on ex-husband recalling the end of his marriage. He doesn't owe her any more dimensions.
You don't need our advice
I just re-read 'Cast Your Bread' which has now been posted for three months. In that time it's been picked as a favorite by 31 readers, accumulated 74 comments, and been read over 62,000 times. Fantastic numbers for such a short exposure!
The long-time readers on this site, the ones who write thoughtful comments and punch the 'Favorite Story' button, aren't dumb. They have obviously found this to be a well designed, well written story. I was surprised that it doesn't have a red H yet. To me, it's a slam dunk for 5 stars. Give it a little time -- a lot of the readers who are just looking for graphic accounts of wild sex seem to go after the new stories, while good story telling seems to win out after a year or so.
In your postscript you invited comments on your use of description. One of the best things about this story is that it's not all choked up with unnecessary description. We don't care what kind of a truck you drive or what color roof your house has, because those things don't matter to the flow of the action. You paint the wife as an impressionable bimbo who's blinded by the apparent sophistication of a shallow community college instructor, but rather than come right out and say so, you let her convict herself by her utterances and especially by her actions. You did the same thing with the husband, a carpenter who turns out to be insightful, decisive, and consistent. This is top grade writing -- the way that Hemingway and Maugham did it.
So you don't need to beg for help -- you've already got what it takes, and we can all learn from your example.
Hans
amends
I attended a two year college in Helena Montana. A married female writing instructor began thrusting her breasts in my face every day even after i pleaded with her tostop. Sexual harassment follwed by threatenibg tobflunk me despite me 'A' average. I held her off. Next semestr she demanded a schedule change that forced me to be in another of her classes. First month i though she had given up on seducing me, convinced myself that i had imagined hdr interest. An infrequent user of email i began to notice emails rom a mtwldflower which upon opening where rife with innuendo double entendres and a comparative sexual horoscopes subject line 'is this you'
Not know the sender i didn't reply except to ask indentification and verification of intentions. Then began the numerous conversations in the hallways, where she appeared out of no where. Whispers started that i was bothering her. Tried to avoid herto no avail she knew my scheduele and would be waiting outside room as i exitted. Ordered me to meet her for semester review of my work in her empty basement office hour before school opened. Handed me matrial to review placed it on table turned back to her the found mysyelf pinned to desk by her hips as she pressed her breasts into my arm nd kept reaching across me whispering educational comments in my ear. I froze. Door opened her dept head came in just after instructor bcked away. Dept head misread situation and began slanderous commentry to instructor how i could not be trusted and she feared for instructors safety. I had never met dept hed. She knew nothing about me but appearsnces
Next class i told instructor there would be no more meetings or hallway conversations.
INSTRUCTOR TOLD ME IN AUTHORITATIVE TONE THT I WOULD CONTINUE TO MEAT HERE WHENEVER AND WHEREVER SHE TOLD ME TO MEET. IF IBDID AS I WAS TOLD SHE WOULD NOT GO TO DEPT HEAD AND CLAIM I HAD ACCOSTED HER. THE FOLLOWING MONDAY OF THANKSGIVINGWEEKINSTRUCTOR TOLD ME SHE HAD RENTED MOTELROOM FOR WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON. SHE WOULD PICK ME UP. THAT MORING I BEGGED HER TOREONSIDER. HRR FIRST GRSNDCHILD HAD BEEN BORN THST MORING. SHE WAS ADAMNT. SOMETIME AFTER THREE-THRITY WE WERE IN RM 205 OF MOTEL SIX AND SHE HAD STIPPED ME OFF, PERFORMED ORAL SE, ENDEDED UP GOING COWGIRL UP FOR HER ORGASMS, INSIDTING I HAVE ONE OF MY OWN. SHE TOOK SHOWER SOMETHING ABOUT UTI IF SHE DIDN'T THEN CAME OUT TOLD ME TO GET UNDRESSED, PERFORMED ORAL THEN LYING SIDEWAYS ON BEDORDER ME TO HAVE UNLUBED NAL SEX. She went nuts describing having my cum in both her holes, hurriedly put on her panties to capture cum. Much later months tht is i found she did this to humilate her third husband whowas a psnty sniffer and her got aroused by the scent while watching her bathe in expectation of his bj. According to her he only got bjs and after a few years she cut him off completely. He has more than enough evidence for divorce she sntinues to have concurrentbaffairs all thebwhile on the hunt for her next stud
Documented n Facebook profile of dearbornmt@yahoo.com
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Boring. Are you writing short stories for English class or x-rated stories about sex?
I enjoy most of yours
not this one
What he said!
I was not going to comment, but then I read HansTrimble's. So, all I have to say is "Yeah, what Hans said. "
Finally
Finally, a character with some balls.
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