Sarah Ch. 01: Camping Trip

Camping & hiking sure is popular lately

Simple, pure, sweet and to the point, what is there not to like!

5* and hoping for more very soon!

nice tale

nice tale but the smoking part was a turn off , bad breath and all. keep writing.
I see that you marked this as ch 1 , I think you ended this tale nicely.

Sweet tale

..and well done. Snortlaffing about the previous comment as to the smoking - this is fiction, and small vices support the character (large vices support the church).

Excellent story

Friends often have feelings but are afraid of expressing them.. Better to take a chance than regret it.

Reasonable read, albeit very predictable outcome. I also cringed at the smoking content. Suggests there are quite a few who find it a turn-off.

Good

Very much enjoyed it and looking forward to the next instalment.
Not impressed by the smoking comments - total prejudice and discrimination.
What happened to respecting each others individuality ?
(before you start to slander me, I am a non smoker, but respect the individuals freedom and right of choice)

no smoking

smoking in a story is a HUGE turn-off. story started great, stopped reading at the smoking. this is not bigotry - smoking is filthy, unhealthy, and quite literally stinks.

Smokum hokum

You spoiled an excellent read with your smoking issue.

It was a great love story but imagine them down the track and one of them Is sick due to tobacco related illness.

Keep it clean, keep it pure, keep it healthy

Many thanks
JME

Sorry, the romance left this story for me with the smoking issue.

I tried to read it.

I almost gave up on your tale when you wrote "Her and I were the same age" near the beginning. Phrases like "her and I" make me cringe. Further down on the page you stated "you and her gang up on me." Alas, I'm a stickler for basic grammar.

You wouldn't say "Us were the same age" or "Her was sixteen years old" - at least I hope you wouldn't.

I rarely criticize online writers for poor punctuation. That said, you might consider looking up the use of commas at an English Grammar website.

I, too, wonder why you included smoking in your story. It's a huge turnoff for me.

I finally stopped reading when all plausibility flew out the window after they set up camp.

Next time ask yourself - do people actually think and behave this way in real life? If not, your readers won't waste the time on it. You had the basis for a good story but it soon began to read like a mushy piece thrown together in a hurry.

Can't wait for Chapter 2

I found this story very touching & also very erotic. Please write chapter 2