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English
Forewarned!
Your "To be continued" closer can only be viewed as a threat in light of the terrible story that you have submitted. Please consider making your first submission your last. You can't write. Nevertheless, thanks for your time and effort. **
5
stars to offset the asshole of LIT's 1 vote!!
Sick AND Boring!
Perfectly terrible. A quick and unmotivated fuck does not make an erotic story,
I liked it
I hope you write more i really enjoyed the part about SAO
Help me improve
Hey guys, I see a lot of negativity. I'd like for an explanation for the negativity. What would you say I need improvement on? What did you like and what didn't you like? I'm always looking for constructive feedback. This is my first story so my apologies if it seems a bit underwhelming.
Explanations? Here it goes…
The main problem is your story is completely rushed. You pretend writing a romance story, but the only romantic part is you telling they are in love. And let’s be honest, it’s absolutely not convincing.
You pack all the sexual fantasies a frustrated 20 year old male would have in a few paragraphs up, and this makes it all even less convincing. Fuck man! You are speaking of incest, not of buying some bread! It’s not like if any cousins were going to fuck senseless in every possible holes just because the idea of cousin love has popped in an anime, and they casually discussed it for thirty seconds…
Finally, I have been disturbed by this.
> Her hugs usually were at my waist due to her being 4'5.
That’s sinister… Most 12 year old girls are taller than that.
Please keep going
I really don't care about spelling and grammar errors. My brain can deal with it as I read. Please keep going with this hot story.
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