You have the beginnings of a good tale here but it is in need of quite a bit of polishing. First, let's get the thing edited properly. But even before we accomplish that, let's take a look at the ambiguity that's caused by not mentioning ANY ages. That's sort of key when writing adult erotica. Especially in the case of the cousins. The babysitting wrinkle is vague…one has to wonder where the hell ARE these kids? They should have been addressed more closely and safely tucked in a location far removed from where an orgy is about to take place. Just little things like that to consider. In any case, thanks for your time and effort! ****
English
Needs work
You have the beginnings of a good tale here but it is in need of quite a bit of polishing. First, let's get the thing edited properly. But even before we accomplish that, let's take a look at the ambiguity that's caused by not mentioning ANY ages. That's sort of key when writing adult erotica. Especially in the case of the cousins. The babysitting wrinkle is vague…one has to wonder where the hell ARE these kids? They should have been addressed more closely and safely tucked in a location far removed from where an orgy is about to take place. Just little things like that to consider. In any case, thanks for your time and effort! ****
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