Really, you can do better. Depth of character, plot, irony, conflict - just a few of the ingredients necessary for a decent story are conspicuous by their absence. It's your first effort, I know. Try again.
Thank you for all the feedback on my first submission. I will be refining my characters and storylines as I go and hopefully get better at this.
by
Anonymous03/30/16
Leave out the constant "Oh God's" please? Ugh
Never in all my years did I ever cry out "Oh God," and neither have the people I've been with. Daddy Dom's may call their subs/slaves "Babygirl," but a grown man won't say, shout nor holler that constantly through out every action he makes.
Be creative. More descriptive. When I write I picture myself doing all the things I am writing about. Every nuance, every moan, whimper, mewling little cry. The feelings of moisture, slick and wet, flooding my being or my lower petals covered with dewy cream caused by her Daddy's presence.His scent surrounding her as the taste of his pre-cum is swirled around her mouth by her tiny pink tongue.
Something you'll want to stay away from is the old fashioned sayings, stilted wording and the most often lame expressions that turn readers off. Keep the readers guessing your age and on the edge of orgasm with your words.
Good luck with future writings!
by
Anonymous03/31/16
Loved it. . That short of story got me so wet. . .I am looking for Mr. Big. Please write more.
I like the exchange of conversation here in your story. Like to see that in you other one here. Keep going girl your doing swell.
by
Anonymous12/16/16
Cool, But
I had an orgasm while reading this series, but your lack of proper puntuation and long sex scenes were kind of a turn-off. Keep writing and improve your sex scenes by adding more detail and less romance. These characters are father and daughter fuck buddies, not husband and wife. I for one agree with the other comments. He way you portray them as having a conversation while having sex is a turn-off. Try adding more grunts, groans and whimpers for a good contrast instead of making them none stop talkers. They're having sex, not a debate. Pay more attenton to the detail of the sex scenes, and fix up the small talking issues of the characters, and we should be good to go. The last story you wrote was the best yet. Keep writing and add more stories! This was a great read.
Congratulations on your first story
Looking forward to your series to see how it progresses and your style
Wont critique with out reading all to get a better insight
English
Liked
Very good. Could you please write another one. It made me very wet.
Ummm daddy
I've teased my step dad too, hoping to make him lose control and make me his too. I'm stacy18_bi@hotmail if you want to hit me up
nice
Hot Story !!!!!!!!!!!
Good story, funny thing is my daughter name is Angel and we call her baby-girl.
Reads like a porn Dick and Jane primer
Really, you can do better. Depth of character, plot, irony, conflict - just a few of the ingredients necessary for a decent story are conspicuous by their absence. It's your first effort, I know. Try again.
LOVED IT!
Very good first submission.
KEEP WRITING!
Your Comments
Thank you for all the feedback on my first submission. I will be refining my characters and storylines as I go and hopefully get better at this.
Leave out the constant "Oh God's" please? Ugh
Never in all my years did I ever cry out "Oh God," and neither have the people I've been with. Daddy Dom's may call their subs/slaves "Babygirl," but a grown man won't say, shout nor holler that constantly through out every action he makes.
Be creative. More descriptive. When I write I picture myself doing all the things I am writing about. Every nuance, every moan, whimper, mewling little cry. The feelings of moisture, slick and wet, flooding my being or my lower petals covered with dewy cream caused by her Daddy's presence.His scent surrounding her as the taste of his pre-cum is swirled around her mouth by her tiny pink tongue.
Something you'll want to stay away from is the old fashioned sayings, stilted wording and the most often lame expressions that turn readers off. Keep the readers guessing your age and on the edge of orgasm with your words.
Good luck with future writings!
Loved it. . That short of story got me so wet. . .I am looking for Mr. Big. Please write more.
I like the exchange of conversation here in your story. Like to see that in you other one here. Keep going girl your doing swell.
Cool, But
I had an orgasm while reading this series, but your lack of proper puntuation and long sex scenes were kind of a turn-off. Keep writing and improve your sex scenes by adding more detail and less romance. These characters are father and daughter fuck buddies, not husband and wife. I for one agree with the other comments. He way you portray them as having a conversation while having sex is a turn-off. Try adding more grunts, groans and whimpers for a good contrast instead of making them none stop talkers. They're having sex, not a debate. Pay more attenton to the detail of the sex scenes, and fix up the small talking issues of the characters, and we should be good to go. The last story you wrote was the best yet. Keep writing and add more stories! This was a great read.
Good Start
Congratulations on your first story
Looking forward to your series to see how it progresses and your style
Wont critique with out reading all to get a better insight
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